Zone Defense

Hiatus

2011-08-07T15:35:00.001-04:00

Obviously I haven't been blogging lately. Summer's here and with all the kids home all day, plus the regular crew I babysit and one extra just for the summer we've been busy to say the least! Add in all the vacationing we've been doing, coupled with the fact that I don't have a tablet or laptop to blog on the run, and you get one Momma who doesn't blog!

I've come to the decision that I need to take more time to look after things on this end. That end being my end -- the non-blogging end. So I've decided to take a hiatus from the blog.

There hasn't been much happening lately and with my home childcare increasing in popularity and my obligations relating to that expanding, I realize that something has to be given up. Also, my exercise routine has been tweaked a little from running to cycling, but that's filling up my early morning hours. In the end, there's no time to keep up with the blog. I've enjoyed looking back at comments and entries from the past 7 years (seriously!) and often I've been able to win a disagreement with Craig about when something happened because I can call up the blog entry relating to it. Hopefully I'll be able to swing by every few months but I'm not making any promises.

I feel lighter already! ;)

Cheers.

A Preview

2011-07-15T22:30:00.001-04:00

We're getting ready to head on holidays again around here but plans for Shaun's 6th birthday are in the works. He's never had a party before (many reasons why, but mostly because he never asked) so this year will be the first time for him with his 4 buddies from school. Should be fun!

2011-07-12T07:28:00.001-04:00

It's summer here and life is crazy busy - well, crazier than normal! I would like to think that things slow down in the summer and some days we sleep in or eat lunch late (or not at all) and laze around the pool. It's not to be.

BUT I do have a brand spankin' new niece and nephew! Claire was born to my brother and his wife who already have Sam, and Blake was born to my sister and her husband who already have Cohen. Surprisingly, spending the day with the babies made me NOT want another one. Kyle is pretty much the age Ian was when Kyle was born; he's still a baby and I don't remember much from those first few weeks except that I was unbelievably TIRED!

Claire and Blake were born within 4 days of one another. Unreal how that happens, huh?! Hopefully we'll all have many more visits so I can continue to get my baby fix. Although, the doctor confirmed early last week that Craig is officially infertile. LOL No more babies for this Mama.

I Love You

2011-07-06T19:31:00.001-04:00

Ian: "Mommy, I love you!"

Me: "Aww, Ian, I love you, too! You're so sweet."

Ian: "Mommy, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Kitty."

Me, disappointed: "Oh, sorry."

Ian: "It's okay. We all make mistakes."

Beaner

2011-06-17T08:02:00.001-04:00

I can hear scuffling and activity filtering down the stairs from the boys' bathroom. Ian seems to be MIA.

"Beaner," I call up the stairs, "what are you doing?"

"Anything," comes his reply from behind the door, opened to a mere crack.

"You're not getting into trouble are you?"

"No Mommy. I'm not eating my toothpaste!"

*sigh* This is my life.

Comfort Zone

2011-06-16T22:09:00.001-04:00

I am happy to report that the severe grounding I had to impose on Shaun last week seems to have done the trick -- for now. His behaviour has improved as well as his attitude and he's much more helpful with his brothers than I think I've ever seen. That's One for Mom! He's needed a few reminders here and there when he's starting to act up and has had a couple of days where he didn't earn any privilege back due to not-so-good behaviour but each incident was minor in the grand scheme of things. I simply had to stick to my guns and follow through on what I said I would do. Not so easy for me, especially at the end of the day when I don't want to fight and argue with the boys; just get them bathed and in bed so I can sit down myself. Lesson learned, in more ways than one.

And now for something completely different. I went hang gliding last night!

Shaun's best friend at school has a Dad who is not only a Canada Post mail carrier but also a hang gliding instructor. I received a call yesterday afternoon from Mark asking if I'd be interested in joining him for a tandem flight around dinner time. I quickly agreed and then remembered I didn't have anyone to look after the boys on such short notice but Mark's wife stepped up and offered to come out to the field with me and look after my Circus while I was flying.

I don't even know how to describe the feeling of being suspended 1500 feet in the air with no engine, just the wind keeping me airborne. It was thrilling and terrifying, and completely empowering. I felt like I could control anything up there. Mark gave me a quick lesson on how to control the glider and then let me take control for a few minutes. It was surprisingly smooth and not at all noisy; only the sound of the wind whistling in my ears and a muted flap from the glider in the breeze. Not once did I question my safety or feel any fear of falling or spinning out of control. Mark was on the Canadian Hang Gliding team (I had no idea there even was one!) back in the day and is quite experienced in things of this sort.

Back on the ground, Mark's wife told me that Ian never took his eyes off the glider the whole time I was flying and would announce, "that's my Mommy," whenever we'd soar past the field where everyone was gathered. I have promised Craig he can fly next but I will most certainly fly again before the end of the summer!

It Brought Me To Tears

2011-06-08T21:51:00.001-04:00

The realization came to me while I was sitting in a worn patio chair watching leaves on a Japanese maple shudder as each gust of wind whisked past. First one leaf would twitch and very soon the whole branch was moving; each leaf being affected by the one before, long after the wind died.

I've really been having a hard time with Shaun lately. His attitude has been downright awful, he's been getting into fights with his friends (not physical but sometimes words are just as hurtful), he's been disrespectful to pretty much everyone including me and his brothers and both of his close friends, and seems to have come to the conclusion that he rules the roost around here because he's been breaking rules like they don't exist. People have jokingly said to me that it only gets worse but I never, ever imagined it would even reach this point. I mean, he's not even 6!

Shaun's been spending quite a lot of time with a little guy from down the street who is his age but in a different kindergarten class at the same school. At the outset I was thrilled that Shaun and he seemed to get along so well. They'd swap houses; spending one morning playing outside here and the following there. This little guy's parents seemed great and he has 2 older sisters who have always been polite and helpful when I see them around the park or on the school yard. I was a little irked that Bradley didn't seem to have any manners, though. Afterall, everyone knows it isn't polite to show up at someone's door and ask to be let inside to play. You wait to be invited inside. Please and thank-you were obviously missing from his vocabulary unless he was reminded. He wore shoes in my house once and I nearly threw him outside. But the biggest thing that bothered me was the way he let Shaun speak to him. Shaun was downright mean and nasty and if I was Bradley I would have punched Shaun right in the mouth. Shaun preaches all the time about Bradley being a bully, meanwhile it's Shaun who's manipulating by calling Bradley a wimp and saying things like, "give me that silly band or I won't be your friend anymore."

I thought this was what girls did? Aren't boys only supposed to fight about who threw the ball further or who climbed to the top of the climber the fastest?

Craig and I have both had to intervene and send Bradley home when things seemed to get out of control. We've each spoken to Shaun at length about what it means to be a good friend and we've grounded him from playing with Bradley for days on end. Nothing seems to work because within an hour of them being together, Shaun's coming home upset that Bradley won't do what he wants or we're having to mediate something here. Bradley's mom says Bradley never comes home upset about what happens here and she has tried to assure me that Bradley knows when he's had enough and will tell Shaun so. He does have 2 older sisters. But I fear that Shaun feels very powerful with Bradley because he can persuade Bradley to do whatever he wants. That attitude has carried over into home in more ways than one.

We have 2 rules for Shaun when he's playing outside. 1: He has to tell us if he's moving locations. Like, if he's playing in the backyard and wants to head out to bike on the sidewalk he has to tell us; if he's playing outside at Bradley's and they want to head to the park, Shaun has to bike home and tell us first. 2: He is not allowed, for any reason, to ride on the road. Our road is a pretty busy one, Bradley's road is a quiet crescent with virtually no traffic. But there's sidewalks, Bradley's house is on the same side as ours, the park is on the same side as ours, and Shaun's not old enough to be able to accurately judge how far a car is and how quickly he has to move to get out of its way. Last week I took a stroll down to Bradley's house to say hi and bring some freezies. I found Shaun PAST the park and weaving on and off the road using the driveways... in between the cars! I held my cool until we got home so I wouldn't embarass him in front of Bradley (who IS allowed to ride on the road and who nearly got hit by a car doing the exact same things Shaun was doing back in the fall) but once we got home I laid into him about how dangerous what he did was and how scared I would have been had I gone to Bradley's house and not been able to find Shaun there.

On the way home from school today in front of one of his more 'conservative' friends, Shaun asked me if another name for a penis is wanker. Seriously! He spent a few minutes in the bathroom when we got home to remind him of where those words are used. That's been my strategy for Ian (who has been dropping 'bathroom words' like that at the dinner table for weeks and I finally got sick of it). Whether his question was valid or not, he said it with a smirk and knew he was pushing the envelope. I think he wanted to see how far he could push before I snapped.

After school there were a couple more incidents of complete disrespect in the way he was speaking to me and I sent him to his room at 5:15. He came down briefly for dinner, which I made sure he wasn't going to like, and then was back up in his room at 5:30. He's been there ever since and I went in to say goodnight when I brought the Littles to bed.

So, the point of the Japanese maple? One shaking leaf results in a whole branch swaying. My words, actions, tone of voice, attention, everything, it all affects my kids. But I really feel like this new change of behaviour in Shaun stems from me not nipping it in the butt at the very beginning. I let him get away with maybe one saucy or snarky remark only one time and now the whole thing has exploded into a spicy foul-mouthed, rude, disrespectful 5 year old. I don't know what to do and with Craig being at work when everything seems to be at its peak, his words aren't all that helpful the next morning.

My instinct tells me to remove all privileges from Shaun. Everything. And let him earn them back with good behaviour. A respectful day earns him one privilege. One incident of rudeness or disrespect and he loses one privilege for the following day. What are some things I could take away? Riding his bike, his silly bands, special treats like freezies and dessert (when we have it... which would be more often if he couldn't, just so the impact would be greater), playing with Bradley, television, special outings with me or Craig.

The hardest part for me is worrying that the other child affected will be lonely without Shaun or will think its his fault that Shaun can't play today. Would it be wierd for me to explain to Bradley's mom why Shaun can't play? I don't know. This is so difficult! And don't tell me it just gets harder!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have something much more upbeat and heart warming to share about my little terror, Ian. I'll begin by saying that Ian is absolutely THE most difficult child I have ever had to deal with. His toddler impulses are still in full swing at nearly 3 years old and I regularly catch him causing some sort of trouble or making some sort of mess. Today it was him licking the lense of the video camera. Why? I don't know. I wanted to crack him on the head with the camera, I was so angry, but I was worried I'd wreck the camera because he's so hard-headed.

Anyway, when I arrived at the Nursery School to pick Ian up this morning, one of his 3 teachers met me at the entrance to the classroom and said she had something to share about Ian. "Oh no, what did he do now," I thought. This isn't going to be good. Her eyes welled up with tears as she started to tell me about how one of the other teachers set up a playdough table this morning for the children to play at. The table had only 5 spaces at it. When the table opened, many children ran over and Ian was among the first 5 to claim a spot. Well, I guess another little girl didn't get there in time so Ian got up from his spot, walked across the classroom, grabbed another chair, pushed it back to the table, sat down in his own chair, ripped off a chunk of his own playdough and slapped it down in front of the chair he'd just added. Then he said, "here, girl, now you have a spot too!"

My Beaner!! :)

2011-05-18T21:17:00.001-04:00

I feel I owe inquiring minds an update. Yeah, my knees? I sure did a number on them. I tried to get out the day after my last post (nine days ago) and I didn't even make it to the end of the block; my knees were seriously THAT sore. It was a pain that was concentrated on the inside of my knee cap and was excruciating if I was doing anything more than hobbling. I returned home, iced my knees and started a regimen of twice-daily Motrin tablets to keep the swelling and pain at bay. Just over a week has gone by since my last run. I think the sore knees situation has put the kibosh on my whole running idea. Even up until today, walking Shaun to and from school twice a day has been impossible. Craig's taken him to school and I've been able to pick him up. Any more walking than that hasn't been happening. As it is, I feel like an old woman when walking down the stairs because essentially I take one step at a time; two feet on the step before proceeding downwards.

Well, I'm happy to say that today is the first day I'm actually feeling more normal than in pain. Walking down the stairs is still uncomfortable but is nothing like it was last week. Walking remains uncomfortable and it's completely impossible to do anything more than walk at a toddler's pace. Case in point: Kyle took off running at Shaun's school playground today. I called him to return and he only paused to smile at me before continuing to run. At one point he got closer to the road than he was to me. He was still a fair ways away from getting to the road but knowing I wouldn't be able to dart after him was humbling and terrifying at the same time. Eventually I was able to catch up to Kyle and coerce him to walk towards me but it proved to me that I need to keep up with taking care of my body.

So on that note, I feel pretty good in saying that my running career is all but over for the time being. I think cycling will be more up my alley. I already have a bike with a nice gel seat cover. Believe it or not I'm really disappointed with how I've let myself down. I'm not a quitter and I don't really give up or fail at anything. In the end, though, I only have one pair of knees and I'm only 30 so the thought of feeling like this indefinitely terrifies me. Maybe once my legs are strengthened a little more I'll try running again.

A Setback

2011-05-08T23:24:00.001-04:00

Last week I diligently set my alarm and set out for my morning run. Friday morning I had an early drop-off for 7AM so I ended up getting up at 5:30 to make sure I had time for my full run plus a shower when I got home. It was rough getting up that early but once I got going I enjoyed it even more than before because there were even less people out that early. Friday also marked the beginning of phase 2 of my training: run 1 minute, walk 1 minute, for a total time of 24 minutes. Around the third set in, or so, my knees started to ache quite a bit. I've always feared running because of the impact on my knees; I've always had bad knees and wore a brace throughout middle school because my left knee constantly dislocated when I was playing sports or would turn funny on it. Knees were sort of in the back of my mind but after the first few runs when I was barely sore at all I figured they wouldn't pose a problem.

I continued Friday's run through to the finish but by Friday afternoon I could barely walk. Bending or kneeling felt better than standing but stairs were agony; my knees hurt so terribly I was worried I wouldn't be able to walk by Saturday. We spent the weekend re-doing all the front landscaping with a planting bed. We hauled 4X4 pressure treated wood and I spent most of Saturday on my knees. By Saturday night I knew there was a problem because even after a couple hours of rest they weren't feeling any better. In fact, they felt worse.

According to Google, my quads are weak and my knees are compensating for the new stress being put on them. The solution is to strengthen my quads. Apparently the pain is caused because the cartilage is being worn down from grinding along the sides of the track it moves in. A tighter quadracep muscle will lessen the amount of movement and grinding.

So I will head out tomorrow for my regular run and see how it goes at first. I've had 2 days off since my last run but with all the work we did over the weekend and the fact that my knees are still screaming for some attention, I'm not feeling too optimistic. I've found and printed some simple quad-strengthening exercises that I'll do every day and hopefully this will only be a small setback. I have committed to still getting up before the kids so even if it's just for a brisk walk, it's better than nothing. Also this week, I'm investing in a really good pair of joggers. I have a feeling that my current running shoes are part of the problem.

1-2

2011-05-03T21:25:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I ran again yesterday morning. Got up bright and early with my alarm and did the same routine as Friday. Surprisingly, today I'm not sore. Not at all. I didn't think my legs would get used to their new use so quickly. If I rub my quads they're a little tender but not any moreso than they were the day after I chased Ian in the grocery store.

So tomorrow marks the end of my first week. I'm hoping the trails are dryer tomorrow. They were really mucky and squishy yesterday and I had to take a few detours into the parkland to avoid some pretty intimidating mud holes.

I'm enjoying exploring my neighbourhood. We chose this neighbourhood before we even found the house. We knew we wanted to live here because of the larger lots (for the city, anyway), the grown trees, the school, the community, and the trails. It's been a lot of fun heading out in a new direction and discovering where it emerges from the forest.

Yesterday I found a look-out point that overlooks the whole entire neighbourhood. It was barely 6:30 in the morning and the air was still misty. No cars interrupted the singing of the birds and I stood and looked down on the place we call home. It was beautiful. Tall roof peaks tucked in between bare trees just beginning to show the first signs of bright new leaves. With all that's been happening across the globe in the past few days, it was a somber moment to appreciate. To appreciate that I can go out on my own so early in the morning and not have to worry about my safety, that I can look over where I live and see more trees than houses and that the sounds from the Earth around me are louder than the sounds of the people.

I will take my family to this place. Maybe we'll even pack a lunch.

2011-05-02T16:25:00.001-04:00

"Mom, who's Aw-sam-ah bin Lah-den?" Shaun's attention is turned to CNN and away from his LEGO race car.

"He was a very, very bad man, He killed thousands of people who didn't deserve to die."

"How did he die?"

"The military in the United States shot him with a gun. In the head."

"You mean a soldier shot him? Maybe it was with a long gun like Elmer Fudds!"

"Yes, a soldier shot him. It probably was with a gun like Elmer Fudds. I would think those soldiers carry all sorts of weapons."

"Why did he get shot?"

"Osama bin Laden blew up some buildings before you were born by crashing airplanes into them. He also made some planes crash into the ground. Everyone died and it was Osama's fault. The United States has been searching for him ever since and yesterday they found him and shot him so he can't do bad things anymore."

"Why didn't they just put him in jail with other bad people?"

"Osama bin Laden was too bad to go to jail. When the sodiers caught him, they shot him and now he's dead."

"I'm never going to be that bad. I'm glad Aw-sam-ah bin Lah-den is dead, Mom. People who are super extra mean like he was should get shot in the head."

_____________

The conversation was short and honest. I answered his questions without offering too many details. Somehow I think he'll remember this day as 'the day a soldier shot a bad guy with Elmer Fudd's gun'.

Ball Hockey

2011-05-01T21:44:00.000-04:00

After Shaun decided he didn't want to play ice hockey because he's not a strong enough skater yet, we agreed that ball hockey may be the best option. The games are on Saturday mornings usually and Shaun is on a team with his best school friend. So far they've played 3 games and Shaun is really starting to get the hang of the flow of the game. Each shift gets 2 minutes on the floor and then they sit on the bench while the next shift plays. Shaun's team has about 12 or 13 players on it so not quite enough for 3 complete shifts which means it's pretty much equal time playing/resting.

Shaun really loves the game and gets better each game he plays. So far no goals but I don't think he's aggressive enough to score any. We spend all this time teaching our kids to share and be nice and all of a sudden they're put into this ball hockey game with a bunch of strangers who are on their own team and a bunch of other strangers who they're supposed to poke-check and steal the ball from. Add in the confusion of playing an actual position like forward or defence and these poor 5 year olds are pretty wide-eyed when they first head on for their shift. By the time the second period arrives they've remembered their job but with a whole week between games, it's all but gone by the following game.

If Shaun really shows an interest in ball hockey it may become the new go-to sport for him. We certainly want our kids to be involved in one sport - and they can bounce from one to another if they choose - but it's important to us that they have a commitment to following something from start to finish through the season.

1-1 Part Deux

2011-04-30T22:26:00.001-04:00

Well, apparently my cockiness about my legs being more in shape than I thought completely backfired. I'm a hurtin' unit today. My quadriceps on both legs just ache when I'm walking down the stairs especially; and trying to walk down the stairs while carrying Kyle is enough to make me wince. Also, the muscle on my shin that starts under my knee and kind of wraps around the outside of my lower leg practically shudders whenever I flex my foot and pull my toes to the ceiling. I obviously worked a group of muscles that don't get much action, and, surprisingly, I'm feeling really good about this pain. It's the good kind of pain that I know is short-lived and will end up making my muscles stronger.

Believe it or not, I'm a little disappointed that my next run isn't until Monday. I feel like I'm ready to go for another and challenge myself again.

Craig still hasn't a clue that I went out on Friday morning. Not only does he sleep pretty deeply, but I think he figured I had an early drop-off on Friday and that was why I got up so early. I'm the Queen of new-ideas-I-get-excited-about-and-never-follow-through-on so I want to get into a pretty good routine before letting him in on my dirty little secret.

Workout, health, and fitness aside, I absolutely loved being outside all by myself on Friday. There was no stroller to push. I never had to turn around to do a headcount and make sure everyone was following along. It was me and a ton of birds and a lonely little bunny who I scared the crap out of when I dashed past his hiding place under a naked bush. I know there's a fox family that lives in the neighbourhood, too, so I'm hoping I'll catch a glimpse of them one of these early mornings. Add in the hawk that nabbed a terrified mole from the path about 100m in front of me and it was almost like the Circus at home... minus the screaming.

Run 1-2 will come on Monday. Hopefully I'm not as sore on Tuesday as I am today.

1-1

2011-04-29T19:18:00.001-04:00

I did it.

I went to bed early, set my alarm for 6AM, refused to repeatedly slam my hand on the snooze button, got dressed and went for my first run. Ever. The schedule I've chosen is from Run for Life. This morning I did a brisk walk with my arms pumpin' for a good 5 minutes before I paused and stretched for a couple of minutes and then I started with running for 1 minute and speed walking for 2 minutes. The first few cycles I felt like the 2 minutes of brisk walking was too long but by the 10th one I was still breathing really heavily by the end of my allotted walking time. But I never cheated myself and I ran the whole minute; sometimes I'd make a goal of making it to the end of the path or 30 more strides before beginning the walking part. I was exhausted when I got home but it was a really good kind of exhausted. Strangely enough, while my legs felt a little weak for the first hour or so, it's my lungs that are still bothering me. It's almost like I have a phlegm-y cold now because I have a terrible cough and some tightness in my chest. I know it's from the run. Maybe I'm clearing everything out?

I made certain to stretch very well before and after my run this morning so hopefully I won't feel much tomorrow in the way of muscle aches. I walk about 1km each way every day to and from Shaun's school, twice, so a total of about 4km a day. Mind you, that's at toddler pace since Ian walks beside the stroller but I think maybe my legs are in better shape than I had originally feared because they're not sore at all. The morning will tell the whole story! Shaun has an early hockey game tomorrow in a small town about 30 minutes from here so I have no chance to lay in bed and nurse my aching legs.

I actually feel really good about this new life choice. I've had the experience before of starting too ambitiously and becoming completely discouraged after only one try. I have two more runs (one on Monday and another on Wednesday) with this current run/walk timetable and then I move up to the next level. I have them all marked out on the calendar so I can cross them off as I do them. I'm excited to get this show on the road and completely surprised that I actually enjoyed myself this morning. Now if I could only find my mp3 player...

Excuses

2011-04-28T21:36:00.001-04:00

I am a professional at making up excuses for why I should/should not do something. Anything. And I'm a horrible procrastinator. Believe it - it's true. I am my own worst enemy.

I'm still hanging on to some 'baby weight' that I never lost after Ian was born. Then I got pregnant with Kyle: Excuse #1. Depression hit: Excuse #2. I was still breastfeeding: #3. Weight Watchers wasn't at a convenient time, I'm too tired, I don't have time to write down everything I eat, I eat on the go like most busy moms: #4, 5, 6, 7. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Have a problem? I have an excuse. I guarantee it.

I think I need a change of scenery. I've decided I'm going to try running. Seriously. It's worth a shot, I figure. I know I need to do something active beside chasing Ian in the grocery store and hauling laundry up and down the stairs. I turned 30 back at the beginning of March and I absolutely know I want/need to lose this baby weight. It's time. I went out and bought myself some pants and a sports bra tonight (because up until 2 weeks ago I was still wearing nursing bras even though I haven't nursed Kyle since November...) and I am committed to getting up early tomorrow to go for my first run. I haven't even looked at the weather because I don't want that to discourage me.

I am motivated and ready. Of course, I am still able to walk okay so I may change my tune tomorrow when my legs and butt are aching. I figure I have the weekend to recover before gettin' back at it on Monday again and I have Mondays off from home childcare so this may be the best time to start a new routine. I have printed off a chart of how to start from the bottom and work my way up to a full 30 minutes of running, 3 times a week, in about 9 weeks. That will take me to Canada Day, which doesn't seem that far away.

No more excuses

Walkin' Man

2011-04-20T21:39:00.001-04:00

Kyle's walking everywhere now, but not because we were encouraging him. In fact, every chance I had to put him back on his bum and discourage his desire to explore his world on his two feet instead of all-fours, I happily cashed in on. Once Kyle discovered he could stand without holding on to anything for support, it was all over. Within a couple of days he had taken his first few shaky steps and there was no discouraging anymore; only clapping and cheering that he had finally done it - through no help from us.

There has to be a moment in time when a baby decides that walking is easier than crawling. But there's always a lot of difficulty in making that transition so I don't know why babies keep trying since crawling is decidedly easier in the beginning. Food for thought.

When people would ask me if Kyle was walking yet at 14 months, they would usually react with surprise when I'd reply with, "no, thank goodness." Developmentally, I knew he would walk eventually. I was in no hurry to push him. Partly because he's my last baby; partly because crawlers are a lot easier to keep up with; partly because a walking baby is no longer happy in the stroller/shopping cart/you name it; but mostly because something happens to children when they evolve from a 4-legged creature to a 2-legged:

They gain an attitude.

One day they're this delightful, smiley little creature in a chubby package who snuggles, keeps out of the cupboards and comes when you call. The next day they're walking and all of a sudden they're screaming when breakfast doesn't come quickly enough, toilet paper is being dunked in toilets and they turn the other way and run (well, walk very quickly in Kyle's case) when you call.

In the last week, Kyle has dumped a dish of glue, spread a cup of applesauce into his hair, sucked on the toilet brush (twice!), tried to eat a penny, removed a massive clump of hair off of poor ol' Pokey's hind quarters, stuffed numerous dinky cars down the basement floor drain, ruined a CD-ROM for the Play Station, lost the letter D for the alphabet puzzle and broken a jar of pasta sauce by hitting it with a jar of pickles.

I'd like a Re-Do.

Technical Difficulties

2011-04-17T19:30:00.001-04:00

Somehow, Javascript has been disabled (even though I have it enabled in every place I can find) so I can no longer post directly from blogger.

I have figured out how to post directly from email, though, so I simply have to email myself a post and blogger takes care of the rest.

As my last post explained, there's been some illness here to say the least. It's finally getting a little better but there has been no sympathy from me whatsoever. Rough road. Let's leave it at that.

I want to tell all about what the boys have been up to lately and Shaun's ball hockey and Kyle's new attitude now that he's walking, our trip to the US for shopping, and my discovery of my love language. Lots to share! I promise, I will be back very, very soon.

Man Cold

2011-04-17T19:23:00.001-04:00

<div><div><div>I have just about had it with Craig's sitting-on-death's-door illnesses. We got into it a few weeks ago after some wierd virus spread through the house. I think I blogged about it. Anyway, I was sick for, literally, 8 hours. I laid on the couch, skipped dinner, went to bed super early and sucked it up the next day when my family duties didn't disappear or get absorbed by someone else. Craig, on the other hand, was sick for a week. Seriously! We all had the same illness and a grown man was the one who dragged his ass around the house the longest; whined and grunted and sputtered the longest; missed the most work/school and basically milked it for all it was worth. I don't think he means to milk it, I just really think he's a total and complete wimp about the whole being sick thing. And it completely pisses me off. Royally. </div><div> </div><div>I ended up bringing the boys to visit my parents on my own that day because Craig was sick (day 6). We stayed overnight and enjoyed a great visit. I got some advice from my Dad who is a great manager and negotiator and always seems to have the right thing to say. When I came back home I waited for a chance when neither Craig nor I was tired or irritated or busy (not an easy task) and simply said, "I felt really abandoned when you didn't come to my parents' with me. We had been planning this visit for weeks and then at the last minute I had to do it on my own. When I get sick I suck it up because there's no sense in wallowing in it. You need to do the same. Get over it. You have the same illness I had so I know you're not any sicker than I was."</div><div> </div><div>He didn't say a word in response. Not later that night, not the next morning, not again. I could tell that what I said bothered him and was beginning to think that he finally realized what a baby he was being. Until today.</div><div> </div><div>Craig got up with the boys this morning since Saturday is my day to sleep in. When I got up around 8:30 I took the Bigs outside to ride bikes and play around a little. Craig eventually joined us and played a little road hockey with Shaun and Ian and we both chatted with the neighbours a fair bit. We were outside for a couple of hours. When we came inside, all of a sudden he was coughing and rubbing his sinuses. I asked Craig if he was excited to head to his Dad's place to watch the hockey game this afternoon. His reply was that he wasn't excited for anything because he had a brutal sinus infection and his whole head felt like it was imploding. He had to lay down and thus couldn't help me make lunch for the boys or do anything else.</div><div> </div><div>I ignored him, fed the boys and started preparing to leave the house for the afternoon with the kids. Craig headed to our room - without telling me where he was going, which drives me completely NUTS!... ever heard of teamwork?! We're a team so I need to know when you're going to be out of commission. It's common courtesy! </div><div> </div><div>Phew! Okay, moving forward, Craig headed to our room. I finished up lunch with the kids, got everyone cleaned up, tidied the kitchen, packed the diaper bag, loaded everyone in the van, checked in with Craig who told me he was still heading to his Dad's for the hockey game, and left. </div><div> </div><div>We were out the whole afternoon and only arrived back home for dinner. Craig wasn't home yet. When he finally walked in around 5:30 or so, he plopped his ass back on the couch because whatever sinus medication he had taken earlier had now worn off and he was back to feeling crappy. Well, Princess, no sympathy from me. I fed the kids their dinner and came down to the basement to hide out. I can hear chaos ensuing upstairs and frankly I don't really care. He's there, I'm here, he needs to suck it up for once.</div><div> </div><div>I'm so completely sick of this bull shit. I already know I'm going to take FULL advantage of the very next cold I get. This is ridiculous.</div><div> </div><div>I disabled comments so you don't feel you have to comfort me. I just need someone to rescue me from this Princess!</div></div></div>

Rub a Dub Dub

2011-03-20T22:16:00.010-04:00

Flu

2011-03-20T21:42:00.002-04:00

We've been ravaged by the flu.

First it was Ian who had a few days of fever, lethargy and general miserableness. If it wasn't for his multiple daytime naps I wouldn't have thought anything of his mood since he's usually somewhat miserable and seems to have a higher body temperature than myself most of the time. Then he got diarrhea which spread to Kyle.

Kyle didn't seem to carry around any symptoms other than loose poops in his diaper. He's always been an awesome sleeper. Sometimes I STILL have to force him to avoid a third nap and he'll end up heading to bed around 7pm on those days; even after having 2 solid 2-hour+ naps throughout the rest of the day.

Friday evening and into Saturday I caught the bug and was down for the count. I felt nauseous and couldn't even think of eating a lick of food without feeling my stomach turn and my throat tighten. I was running a low grade fever that Motrin helped control. I fell asleep on the couch after dinner on Friday for a few hours while Craig held down the fort then I stumbled into bed at 9 and slept like I was drunk until Ian woke us up on Saturday morning.

Saturday night Craig spent the night out at his sister's place where she and her husband were hosting a UFC Fight Night. When Craig came home this morning he had come down with the same flu and spent the rest of the morning sleeping on the couch and throwing up. I'd like to think the throwing up had a little more to do with beer he drank and less to do with the flu but he's not one to drink (he only had 5 beers in 5 hours, plus food around midnight so he was anything but drunk). By mid-afternoon he was well enough to head into work so off he went while I brought the Circus to finish the groceries I didn't have time for late last week.

I had just finished our tour of the produce section when Shaun asked if he could lay in the cart because he wasn't feeling well. He's the last of us to get sick and seems to have it pretty mild. I quickly grabbed a few more essential things and paid before packing everyone back into the van and coming home. Shaun laid around the rest of the evening before asking to head to bed before 8. So far no sign of diarrhea or vomiting (the rest of us have had either one or the other) so hopefully he's okay to head back to school tomorrow.

Thankfully we seem to have completely missed the nasty, violent stomach flu that was passing through the school families before March Break. Ian's Nursery School sent home a letter stating a temporary policy change surrounding how long to keep your child home symptom-free before sending them back to school, and Shaun's class was missing 6 children out of 17 for the second last day of school before the break. Wish us luck that this bug is out of the house for good.

We Rallied

2011-03-11T20:05:00.002-05:00

Today I was not at my best. My mundane Mommy duties were starting to creep in on my Mommy joys and I was aching for a break. I may or may not have been a little snippy with Craig. We ate dinner in near-silence; Craig and I not speaking a word in fear of having it come out not-so-nice. I repeatedly asked him if there was anything wrong and he repeatedly responded, "nothing's wrong." Then I silently groaned when he decided to bring Kyle and join me and the Bigs for their last swimming lesson.

Swimming lessons are something I do with my boys. It's my thing... and he was intruding. The conversation in the van was focused on the Bigs and what they were going to show us tonight. I whisked Ian into the swimming complex while Craig brought Kyle and Shaun to the observation deck. I handed Ian off to his instructor and joined Craig upstairs. We barely spoke but sat beside one another. Quietly smiling and proudly applauding Ian's accomplishments.

Then it was Shaun's turn. We watched him kick and stroke and glide. Both of us stood against the glass railing and anxiously watched Shaun complete his 5 metre swim. We were together and separate at the same time. Our minds focused on our children, our hearts wondering what was so wrong with this day.

Ian fell asleep while we were watching Shaun so I brought Kyle with me when I went to help Shaun shower and dry off and Craig stayed with Ian. We agreed to meet at the main entrance. When I walked out with Kyle on my hip and an overflowing swim bag full of wet towels and swimsuits thrown over my shoulder I saw Craig's face and knew something had happened with Ian. Ian's full length footie jammies were drenched with barf. Craig's new coat had barf all down one arm and seeping through the centre zipper. Without a word he unzipped his jacket and revealed his shirt which was also covered in barf.

"It's okay," I calmly said. "Take off your shirt and coat. You can have my jacket to go grab the van."

"But you only have short sleeves on." He was concerned I'd freeze without a coat.

"It's okay. I only have to be outside a moment. I'll be alright. Go get the van and we'll be okay until you come back."

We rallied and all the way home we held hands.

Cynicism

2011-03-04T13:47:00.003-05:00

I'm a complete cynic. I've always thought the absolute worst about people and tend to analyze every single thing they say/do; always looking for something that I can say, "Aha! Caught you!" about. I think this is the main reason I don't have many girlfriends. I'm somewhat a loner (by my choice) and hate feeling obligated to keep in touch with girlfriends lest they think I'm mad at them. It's so petty. And I choose to stay away from it. But I also think that I've never allowed myself to become really close with that many people specifically because I'm so cynical.

There's never really been any value, in my mind, in my cynicism, until we started sending feelers out for a roofing contractor. It just goes to show that it pays to do detailed research and expect the worst about these guys. We've had many different characters, shall we say, to the house. One simply measured the front of the house and then drove away; another didn't climb on the roof and walked along the sidewalk instead; then we had one who even climbed into the attic to look at the under side of the sheathing. We still have a few more quotes to get but my instincts have been right on as far as who's shady and who's not. The one guy who simply walked along the sidewalk has had multiple businesses with multiple telephone numbers in the past 7 years or so. All that tells me is that he keeps changing his business name to run away from people who are after him. I had a bad feeling about him as soon as he walked into the house and after some probing questions I learned about the other businesses. Of course, he had every excuse why that business is no longer around but, bottom line, if he changed his business name and phone number there must be something about the previous one he doesn't want following him. Reputation, bad references, lawsuits; I don't want to find out.

Hopefully this will all be sorted out within the next couple of weeks. I'm waiting to choose and book a contractor before going shopping! That way I know how much I have to spend!!

Bad News

2011-03-03T20:45:00.002-05:00

As it stands right now with Craig on afternoon shift, Shaun and Craig are able to spend mornings together before Shaun heads off to school after lunch and Craig leaves for work mid-afternoon. Come September when Shaun begins grade 1, the two will literally not see one another during the week at all. Craig will still be sleeping when Shaun leaves for school in the morning and by the time Shaun returns from school Craig will already be at work. Our only saving grace is that Shaun has a lunch break around 1PM and we live so close to the school he can come home for lunch and see Craig.

Then a couple of months ago Craig brought home a job bid sheet. Basically it had every job in the warehouse placed on a flowchart -- shifts, days-off, positions. Workers who were interested in moving from their current position were encouraged to bid on every single job they wanted and hopefully their seniority was enough to get them their first choice (provided that particular job opened up because whoever was occupying it had also bid on a job that was open). Craig bid on a ton of jobs, all day-shift, in hopes of landing one with half decent days off. Many postings have split days off where the guy has Tuesday and Thursday off but works Wednesday. Or they'll have 2 days off in the middle of the week but have to work the weekend. We compromised the last go 'round and Craig moved into a job with Friday and Saturday off. Not ideal, certainly, but at least he has one day on the weekend and having Friday off has allowed him to go on a couple of class trips with Shaun and allows me to volunteer in Shaun's classroom occasionally.

September brings full-time school and the whole game changes. This most recent job bid was basically our last shot for Craig to post into a day-shift position before Shaun starts grade 1 in September.

With thirteen years seniority and a lot of senior guys taking a buy-out package offered in the last contract, we were pretty confident Craig would move up the ranks and slide into a day-shift position without question. Well, the results were posted today and Craig didn't get a single position he bid on. Not one.

There's two reasons why this could be: 1. The people analyzing the job bid sheets made a mistake - which has happened in the past - and in actuality someone was awarded a job that Craig should have received because of seniority. In that case it's an easy fix and Craig moves to day shift. OR 2. The jobs Craig would have had the seniority to win, didn't open up because the people currently in those postings chose to stay put.

Craig checked the results and analyzed the list; there were no mistakes made. So now he's working afternoons for a while longer. I'm trying not to show my disappointment to him because the whole thing is out of his hands. It's not his fault he wasn't awarded a day shift job; that's just how it works. But I'm sad. I feel terrible that Shaun won't see his Dad all week unless he races home for lunch one day. I hate that Craig has to miss more bedtime stories and baths and tucking-in and kisses and hugs. It's sad that this whole thing is such a crap shoot and he has no way of knowing whether he'll get awarded a shitty job or a great job so errs on the side of caution and only bids on the better jobs which also have a higher likelihood of needing decades of seniority to slot into.

I'm also angry that I have to continue doing this all by myself. He's wholly present during the hours he's home, don't get me wrong, but with me having the daycare running during the day and Craig being absent at night, I'm doing the Mom thing from 7 in the morning until 8 at night with no breaks in between, and then for another hour while I'm cleaning up and preparing meals, crafts and circletime activities for the following day. It's exhausting and I'd love to have someone to tag-team with; especially at the end of the day when everyone's hungry and tired.

We will certainly make the best of it but that doesn't make it suck any less.

Nuthouse

2011-03-01T17:57:00.002-05:00

I'm folding laundry and Shaun walks past me. He's all hunched over to one side and his arms are dangling strangely. Probably something he saw at school and thought was cool.

I ignore him as he passes by a second time. This time his face is all contorted and he's trying his best to pull his lips back and expose his teeth. He's still twisted and tilted to one side as he shuffles past. The third time his pants are around his ankles. I can't ignore him any longer.

"Shaun, are you feeling okay?"

"Sure am, Mom!" He realizes his pants are down and quickly pulls them up.

"You know I'm watching you, right? Do you know what happens to crazy people like you?"

"They go to the Nuthouse. But it's okay, Mom, because I'm just being a banana. I'm not being a crazy person!"

Four Hundred

2011-02-21T16:51:00.002-05:00

Today is Family Day. I wish I could say we spent it as a family but Craig's retarded job made him work today. For his regular wage. He had Family Day yesterday. Let's not go there.

I took the opportunity of a rare day off and brought the kids to the Children's Museum for some running and a bubble show. Before I go into details about the afternoon, I have a bone to pick with the Board at the Children's Museum. See, it was always called the Children's Museum. They got millions in funding about 7 or 8 years ago and did a major renovation. Granted, the new space is nice, relatively child friendly, and for whatever reason is now called The Museum. As if there aren't any other Museums. This is The One. As part of our Membership benefits we got free admission to the Royal Ontario Museum a couple of weekends ago (maybe it was last weekend??...) and I showed my membership card to the folks working at the admissions desk.

"One adult and one child?"

"Yes, but I have a membership to an honoured museum for this weekend so I have free admission. Let me just dig out my card."

"What museum is it?" She starts looking through the system for a list.

"Umm, The Waterloo Regional Children's Museum."

"No, sorry I don't see that on the list. Can I see your card?"

I hand the card over. "Ohhhh, it's THE Museum. Yes, you have free admission today."

Frankly, I was a little embarrassed that a puny museum like this one has the gall to call itself The Museum. I'm sure she laughed her head off with her co-worker once I was out of earshot.

Okay, one to today. The bubble show was cool but there were so many rowdy children trying to climb onto the stage and standing up in front of other children who were sitting quietly on the floor that it became hard for the well-behaved children to get anything out of the show. They weren't being picked to be volunteers because there were more pushy kids getting picked. It upsets me because I was always one of the good kids who never got picked, either. I almost want to tell my boys to stand up like the rest of 'em and climb on the stage like the rest of 'em and get picked to stand inside a gigantic bubble like the rest of 'em. Where were these children's parents?! Oh yes, standing in front of me while I rocked a fussy baby and stood on my tippie-toes so I could keep an eye on the Bigs. Overall, it was disappointing but I think the turnout may have been beyond what The Museum had anticipated. There were people sitting on the staircases and overlooking the atrium from 4 floors up. I should just be glad my kids had floor seats.

Dinner's cooking and I have only one more thing: This is my four hundredth post. Blogging since late 2004 has brought me through 400 posts. Yay me!

Family of 5 - To Stay

2011-02-15T22:23:00.003-05:00

After much agonizing and soul searching, Craig had his vasectomy appointment on Friday last week. We've known our family is complete but there's something about a vasectomy that is so, I don't know, final. The paperwork says, "This is a permanent form of sterilization," as if there's a non-permanent form. Craig said it was completely worse than he had even feared it would be. I knew it wasn't going to be a cakewalk but three children came out of me! I was all hopped up on drugs for the first one so I must have forgotten what it was like and decided to have a second go of childbirth. Then when number three came along there was no sympathy from anyone anymore. We all knew how this happened and I had no one willing to listen to my complaining.

I spent the weekend basically away with all the kids. The Littles were graciously shipped to my parents' house where they enjoyed the weekend with their youngest cousin; Shaun and I took a day trip to the Royal Ontario Museum on Saturday and then I helped out in my brother and sister-in-law's flower shop on Sunday. Craig had 2 whole days on his own to wallow and recouperate.

I'm a little sad that there's so much finality that comes with a vasectomy. I'm done having kids and am really, really excited for the things we can do with our older children: we'll be done with diapers in just over a year; our big kids can sleep in a tent on their own when we go camping; sleeping in on Saturday morning will be a part of our life again as the boys get older and can be trusted to stay out of trouble on their own downstairs; but that doesn't mean that a small part of me isn't disappointed I'll never be pregnant again or get to make those first happy calls to family members.

This is a new road. A new adventure.

Tubby Time with Slippery, Pee'er and Drinker

2011-02-10T20:31:00.002-05:00

It's been ages since I blogged. Rather than rewind, I'm moving forward...

I gave the boys baths tonight. Typically, Shaun showers but lately he's been wanting to hop in with the Littles during their bath. That ended up as a big, wet disaster so tonight he was demoted back to the shower. I could hear a bunch of banging around while I was reading to the Littles and when I finally couldn't stand not-knowing any longer, asked Shaun what he was doing. Well, he had figured out that if he lubed himself up with enough body wash he could slip and slide in the tub like nobody's business. He's lucky he didn't crack his head open! I'm sure he used half the bottle of body wash and now there's a sliminess on the inside of the shower curtain from his excessive self-cleaning. But he sure smells good!

Before Shaun got his shower, the Littles had their bath time. We have these old bubble bath bottles we keep in the toy basket for the boys to use during bath time. Normally they'll fill them up and giggle as the bottles gurgle and sputter when turned over. Tonight Kyle was gulping water out of them. I'm not talking any minor sippage, either. He had his whole mouth over the opening and was chugging like a college freshman at his first frosh party. I'm positive he's going to need a diaper change in the middle of the night after all that drinking. Ian wasn't drinking, thankfully, because he's no longer wearing a diaper to bed (YAY!!), but he was peeing in the tub like he was in kidney failure! The kid would stand up every couple of minutes and pee, and it wasn't no trickle. One time he got Kyle in the face right as Kyle tipped his head back to gulp out of the bottle. Good think Kyle had no idea it was anything but water and Ian was so distracted I don't think he even noticed. It's so funny that he still feels like he has to stand in the tub to pee like he stands at the toilet. I'd prefer that he strictly limit his peeing to the toilet but I've gotta pick my battles. Until Kyle starts to get grossed out by it, I'm not sayin' anything. Just wait until Ian realizes Kyle's peeing in the same tub!

This Week I Learned...

2011-01-19T23:25:00.003-05:00

... when I want to clean the gray grime out of the bottom of the dishwasher and choose to use a green pot scrubber, water, and a little teeny tiny bit of dish soap, I should not run a full wash cycle after.

... bubbles on the kitchen floor seep under the dishwasher and down the hole in the floor and into the laundry room.

... bubbles do not just disappear; they pop and become slippery, soapy water.

... when I want to clean said slippery, soapy water, I should make sure I am wearing slip-resistant shoes... or take off my socks and say, "to heck with it," and surf.

... children love to play in water that has appeared in places it would not otherwise be -- like a kitchen floor.

... Kyle screams very loud when he plays in bubbles.

Adoption

2011-01-18T21:08:00.002-05:00

How does one explain adoption to a child?

Shaun and I read Robert Munch's book David's Father tonight. David is adopted and Shaun asked me what that meant. My explanation brought him to tears! I totally didn't mean to upset him. I don't know how I could have worded it differently to make it better.

I told him that sometimes when a lady gets pregnant she decides the baby will be happier/healthier with different people so she chooses to have the baby adopted. The baby then goes on to live with his Mommy and Daddy even though he didn't grow in his Mommy's belly. Shaun started sobbing and asked me if he was adopted and if he grew in someone else's belly. I think that just the thought of him having a different Mommy who isn't me was terrifying!

The only thing that may have made it a little better was when I told him that his best school friend is adopted. I don't know for sure, but this little guy has Asian eyes and 100% caucasian parents. He's an only child and his parents are a little older than the others in the class. Shaun's heading to their house on Saturday to play and I'm going with him so hopefully I'll get the full story then. Regardless, they're a wonderful family from what I've seen and Shaun and the boy get along wonderfully.

Mmmmmmmm

2011-01-16T23:12:00.002-05:00

Shaun's reading has just taken off recently. I keep saying to Craig that Shaun's seems to have just picked up reading because every night, it seems, he's able to read more difficult words. The strategies he's learning in school are really working.

Shaun was telling me tonight after dinner that the letter they were working on in class last week was the letter M; and the Jolly Phonics action to go with it is rubbing your hand on your tummy and saying, "mmmmmm," like you're eating something yummy. His teacher asks the children to give her a word that starts with the letter M. Shaun is telling me that most of his classmates are saying words like Mackenzie (a girl in his class) or Mom. He puts up his hand and when Mrs. McNaughton calls his name, he says MUCUS. MUCUS! Of all the things that start with the letter M, he had to say MUCUS?? I howled with laughter when he told me that because it's just so typical of Shaun; smart-ass. He tells me that he had to think of something to liven everybody up because the Jolly Phonics is pretty boring since he already knows all his letters. Somehow I don't think MUCUS is a word that his classmates are familiar with; especially if they're still learning the sound that M makes.

Cheese

2011-01-12T15:44:00.003-05:00

Two Months Ago

Me: "Kyle, this is cheese. Say, cheese. You're having cheese for snack today. Yummy! Cheese. Ch-eese. Ch, Ch, Ch. Like choo-choo!"

Kyle: "Mah! Mamamamama. Mah!"

One Month Ago

Me: "Kyle, you're eating some cheese. Say, cheese."

Kyle: "Mah! Dah Bah. Mah!"

One Week Ago

Me: "Kyle, do you want some cheese?"

Kyle: nods

Me: "Say, cheese please."

Kyle: nods

Today

Me: "Kyle, do you want some snack?"

Kyle: "Cheese."

Me: "Do you want some cheese for snack?"

Kyle: nods, "Cheese."

I'll be the first to admit that life is so much easier with a child who can communicate what they need and want. IT basically eliminates the need for tears of frustration. But I'm crying tears of sorrow. Kyle's growing up way too quick for me.

Little Number Three is One

2011-01-06T21:00:00.000-05:00

Kyle. Chubbers. One year ago I met you for the first time. I had spent the previous 40 weeks plus 6 days agonizing over your arrival. I was trying my best to remember every last kick and nuzzle from you before I had to share you with everyone else.

I diligently folded and re-folded your newborn clothes and reviewed the home birth list once a day, double and triple and quadruple checking to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. Your brothers talked to you whenever I was sitting quietly. They'd chatter about things they wanted to do with you, talk about the cats and your grandparents, and ask you if you were ready to come out yet.

When that day came, and we all met you for the first time, it was as if you'd always been here. I felt an overwhelming surge of love. You sure were in a hurry once we had all decided labor was stalled. Pooja had broken my water at home hours earlier and I was feeling like labor would never get going. Tub, shower, sitting backwards on the toilet, squatting, walking, stairs, bouncing on the trampoline (really!); nothing seemed to be working. I made the decision around 5pm that we were heading to the hospital. I was tired of waiting and was desperate to meet you.

Melissa drove me and you through the busy rush-hour streets while Craig followed behind in the van and Gramma and Grampa stayed with your brothers. She casually chatted about her first apartment and the park where she found a stray kitten while I desperately wished I had stayed at home for only a few minutes longer; the contractions were coming fast and furiously. I was in agony and wasn't sure we were going to make it.

Finally at the hospital, I paused and braced myself on the guardrail outside the main entrance for another strong contraction. With each contraction I could feel you creeping deeper into my pelvis. I knew you'd be here soon. I held it together in the elevator and groaned as another began when the doors opened. Pooja was already in a room, ready and waiting for me to walk in. It was only minutes after I arrived that I couldn't remain standing for my contractions anymore. Pooja kept wanting to get my blood pressure but I kept getting contractions: one after another. I lay on my left side focusing on relaxing during the intense pulling and tightening, and then would take a moment in between to have Melissa post on Facebook that you were coming or to send someone to find Craig (who hadn't arrived yet!).

My body was starting to take over. I needed to relax. I knew the only way you'd come quicker was if I breathed deeply and slowly and relaxed every part of my body. Eyes, mouth, jaw... Craig flew into the room in a flurry of excitement and apologies of how full the parking garage was and all of a sudden, there you were. Your head was born into my mesh underwear. I was still telling myself to relax as my body was introducing you to your new world. Pooja scrambled and frantically ripped the underwear off me as I yelled that you were coming. Moments later I was able to reach under your arms and pull you onto my chest and whisper in your ear, "Nice to meet you, Kyle." I'll never, ever forget that first moment. You barely cried while I sobbed. A perfect, incredible boy. Little number three.

Those first few days are still quite a blur. We went home hours after your birth and introduced you to anxious grandparents and your big brothers. You slept that first night nuzzled next to me and my breast. You figured out how to nurse right away and ate great. My milk came in quickly and you continued to present wet and dirty diapers. Your eating and dirtying wasn't enough, though, and at 5 days old you were admitted to the hospital for jaundice. I stayed with you in the same room and sang you songs and touched your bare skin when you'd start to cry in the incubator. We bonded and I fell in love hard. I ached to be home with your brothers; it was so hard to know the hospital was the best place for you and to feel, in the same moment, that I wanted to be anywhere but there. While we were in the hospital, time stopped. I couldn't see the ground from our room so I had no idea if there was still snow or if flowers were blooming. I lost track of time and what day it was because of the constant blue glow from your incubator. I was allowed to take you out only to feed you and change your diaper. I did what I could to snuggle and would remove my shirt and nurse you in only your diaper, skin to skin. I'd caress your skin and talk softly. I like to think that my voice calmed you because when your sunglasses would go back on I only needed to coo, "you're okay, Momma's right here," and you'd settle right in for another long nap.

Once we got back home, life was back to normal and a newborn had been thrown into the mix. Shaun still had school, Craig still had work, Ian was still, well, Ian, and I started to feel less and less like myself. I was going through the motions and doing what I thought I should be doing but felt like I just wanted to find a hole and disappear into it. The spiral began. I sought out a counsellor who had experience with post partum depression, started to open up some of how I was feeling to Craig and on here, and slowly found my way back to being okay. Things are much better now but some days I still feel that darkness lurking on the other side of a bad day. Having three children who need me has helped me to push all that away.

And you, Kyle, you have made having three boys so much better than I could have ever imagined. You are patient, sooo patient. Waiting for everything and never complaining. It helps that your brothers try their best to entertain you while you're waiting for me, but even if they're not around you find ways to entertain yourself. You love to play with balls and will throw and chase the green Waste Management one until it gets stuck under something and then come and find me and hollar, "bah, bah," until I figure out where it's hiding. You still have a suckie. A green one and a blue one made by Born Free. And they have to be the ones without handles. I've spent hoards of money on all kinds of other suckies but these are the only two you will accept. If we ever lose them, we're done for. You have a favourite blankie, who as of yet does not have an official name. It's the white one from Shaun's school friend, Vanessa, that has a fuzzy, soft side and an animal print on the other side. You like to rub the soft side in your fingers as you're falling asleep.

Sleep, yes, you're a sleeper. At one year old you still have three naps a day. An hour and a half in the morning beginning around 9, two hours in the afternoon beginning around 12:30, and then another half hour at dinner time. Sometimes I even have to wake you up from your third nap because you'd sleep the night away and completely skip dinner. You've never had an issue going to sleep and are willing to sleep pretty much anywhere... except the car. For whatever reason, you fight sleep in the car until your eyes are red and rolling and your head is bobbing. Then when sleep finally wins the battle, you'll only stay sleeping for half and hour before you're awake and ready to rock n roll.

We've decided your nickname is Chubbers, although Ian calls you Kyle-Boo. He figured out that nickname all on his own and calls you that more than anything. You really are chubby. Moreso than either of the other boys. At one year old you're over 24 pounds and starting to grow out of some of your 18 month clothes.

For the past 2 months you've been crawling. It's like you would practice in your sleep because one evening you just... crawled. No little strides here or there, you just went. Within half an hour you were going from bedroom to bedroom and now you're so fast you can chase Shaun and Ian around the house.

You talk, too. I'd guess you probably have 10 words but it seems like there's new sounds coming out of your mouth every day so it could be more and I just don't realize it. Your favourite things to say are definitely Bye-Bye and BooBoo. Bye-Bye is accompanied by an adorable wave, complete from wrist to fingertips. BooBoo is our dumb fat cat who seems to love you just as much as you love her. Probably because you feed her. Oh yes, I see you feed her even though I'm sure you'd swear up and down that you do nothing of the sort. She lurks under your highchair and you'll casually drop things off your tray and then glance in my direction to see if I noticed. Sometimes if you don't drop things quickly enough, BooBoo will climb onto my chair at the table and nonchalantly put her nose on the edge of your tray as a reminder. Daddy and I scratch our heads over how she never loses any weight even though we continue to feed her less and less; I know why but can't bring myself to make you stop. It's too damn cute!

Kyle, you have brought something to our family that we didn't even realize was missing until you were here. You're completely perfect, completely adorable and completely ours. We love you!

Toddler Impulse

2011-01-03T17:48:00.004-05:00

Ian is a toddler and I know that toddlers sometimes have impulses they cannot control, but I think I'm going to have some uncontrollable impulses if his destructive behavior continues!

Without a doubt, Ian is THE most challenging child I have ever come across. He is BUSY, to put it nicely. This afternoon in a matter of minutes he was able to colour on Kyle's highchair with a red crayon, destroy my chapstick, and dump salt all over the salad I had prepared for dinner.

He had a crayon because he had promised me he would only colour on his paper. A little background: colouring on things other than paper has been a major issue for Ian. He's managed to colour on walls, tables, his body, the highchair, my shoes, and multiple books. We've always dealt with his destructive colouring in the past by taking away the crayons for a period of time. Then when crayons are reintroduced we'll review the rules (which he clearly knows and will tell us without us having to say them first). Ultimately he ends up colouring on something within minutes of having his sneaky little hands back on the crayons - or whatever it is he's using. We've tried Aquadoodle even and all he does is open the pen, pour out all the water and then play in it. Even pencil crayons are used to colour books and walls. I'm at my wit's end. I think he's grounded from anything-plus-paper for a very, very long time. Like, until he's 30 I'm thinking.

The chapstick was inside my purse, in an interior zipper pocket which was zipped closed; my purse was zipped closed and sitting on the hall table. It's always been the same rule: don't touch anything on the hall table. Usually there's keys there, my purse and sometimes something that needs to be returned or exchanged plus its receipt. The hall table is off limits. Ian was reading books - or so I thought. When I returned from putting away laundry he was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, his finger knuckle-deep into my chapstick tube and his face was covered with shiny, strawberry scented grease. Along with his whole hand, most of his chin and neck, and all over his new shirt.

The salt was partly my fault but again, I think his impulses just take over and he can't stop himself. Ian was sitting on the counter helping me make dinner - my first mistake. I was cutting vegetables and preparing items for our salad and Ian was placing them in the pot or the bowl - wherever they belonged - my second mistake. I use a dish - my third mistake - of Kosher salt and use my fingers to sprinkle it on our food instead of regular iodized salt in a shaker (the reason is for a whole other post) and Ian took the dish of salt and, in a split second, dumped the whole container of salt on the salad. I shouted and asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was putting some salt on the salad. Like, duh, I guess.

So that's my day in a nutshell. Same as all the other days. I spend it tidying and cleaning up and Ian follows behind me dumping and drawing and, well, being a toddler I suppose. It's going to take years off my life, I just know it!

Old Mother Hubbard

2011-01-02T07:41:00.003-05:00

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor dog a bone;

But when she got there
Her cupboard was bare
And so her poor dog had none.

Gee, that seems to reign true in my life today. To rewind, I was due to do groceries on Monday or Tuesday last week. After looking through the freezer on Sunday last week I decided we had more than enough to get us through until Thursday or even Friday and only bought some essentials, like, milk, bread, cheese, and some fresh veggies. Thursday came and I wasn't feeling too well; a cold was coming on and my throat was terribly sore. Friday was deemed grocery day because I was sure I'd be feeling better by then; besides Craig's home on Fridays so I wouldn't have to drag the circus with me.

Friday arrived and I was feeling like a used bag of pucks. My throat was red and inflamed and I was starting to feel like I was getting the flu. You know the kind where your skin hurts, your hair hurts and any amount of standing or walking puts you into fits of dizziness. We also had tickets to go out Friday night (New Year Eve ya know). I made an appointment to see the on-call doctor and get my throat taken care of (thank-you penicillin) and spent the rest of the day in bed. My grocery list lay on the table at the front door.

Saturday came, I was feeling better and grocery stores were closed.

Now it's Sunday. I'm not even kidding you when I say there's no food in the house. If I had my way I would have run out first thing this morning and picked up at least some coffee and milk to get us through breakfast. I managed to dig a juice box out of the camping stuff so at least the kids had juice with their toast; and I had a bag of prunes in the fridge so they had an element of fruitishness. I'm afraid to see the final bill this morning at the grocery store!

Hic

2011-01-01T14:59:00.002-05:00

Shaun's breathing funny. I know why.

Me: Shaun, do you have the hiccups? You're breathing weird and holding your breath.

Shaun: No.

Me: Then why are you breathing like that? You only breathe like that when you have the hiccups.

Shaun: No, Mom. I don't *hic* have the hiccups.

Me: See? I knew it! I know you so well, I knew you had the hiccups before you even knew yourself.

Shaun: That's not true, Mom! I knew *hic* I had the hiccups. I just forgot.

Night-Training

2010-12-27T08:17:00.002-05:00

Ian was dry again this morning! I got him up around 11:00 when I went to bed and had him pee. He was really groggy and I had to hold him up at the toilet so he didn't lose his balance and fall in, but he peed a little and went straight back to bed. The downside, he got up around 2:30 this morning and wanted to be up for the day. He was soooo angry when I made him get back in bed. Then, before 6am, both boys were in my room snickering and making a bunch of noise. Craig sent them back to bed but they never went. They goofed around in their room for 10 minutes or so before waking Kyle with the racket when I finally submitted and got up with them.

It's going to be a long day.

Post Weekend

2010-12-26T21:58:00.003-05:00

So. Phew. I don't really even know where to begin. Nothing's really been happening, I guess, and that's why I haven't blogged in so long. But now I don't really know what to say.

We spent the weekend with family. That was cool. The boys spent today recouperating in their jammies and we read stories together and played lots of Lego in the playroom.

I was able to head out to hunt for some deals at the mall and low and behold, Justin Bieber had just left. Apparently he was there shopping with his entourage of bodyguards and when I arrived the screaming girls were still busy texting all their friends. It made the 6 o'clock news and it looked like the whole thing was quite the scene. I feel sorry for the kid but who in their right mind heads out to shop on Boxing Day when they're as popular as him unless they want to make a scene. Yep, that's what I thought.

The kids are doing really well. Kyle's learning around one new word every couple of days. His latest ones are "stinky" (tinty) and "more" (mah). Shaun has been keeping himself surprisingly busy while out of school. We went tobogganing last week and he had a blast flying down the hill headfirst. Ian is nearly night-trained and has been fighting tooth and nail to wear underwear to bed. He's been dry every night for nearly a week even with all the late nights we've had recently so tonight I put him in undies. His sheets are due to be changed this week so I figured now was as good a time as any for him to have a wet bed. We'll see if I change my tune tomorrow.

Craig had his first ever visit to the chiropractor last week for his back. He said the guy snapped-crackled-and-popped him and he felt a little better that day and into the following day but admitted to me on the weekend that he's back to feeling the same back pain. I know a lot of people feel like they need to rely on a chiropractor to give them regular adjustments (including many of Craig's own immediate family). We rely on other methods that don't include a chiropractor but this visit was a last resort for him. Poor guy! And it ended up being $80 down the tubes for the consultation and adjustment.

Overall we're keeping busy. I've accepted more and more that the house will never be as clean as I'd like it and that ALL the laundry will never be done at the same time ever again and that there will probably be some sort of food remnant in Kyle's highchair. That's okay. My kids won't remember that the toilet seat usually has little drips on it; they'll remember that I'm hopeless at the card game War, that I can toboggan down a hill with a child on each knee and still manage to stop at the bottom before hitting the fence, and that mini trampolines are a lot bouncier than they look!

Mike Tompkins

2010-12-14T22:11:00.004-05:00

I'm not one to pay much attention to celebrities. I purposely look away at all the rag-magazines in the grocery store because I'm determined to not be someone who perpetuates rumors. I have a celebrity crush though. Yep, as of tonight. I don't even think he's officially a celebrity but he's appeared on the Today show so I guess that qualifies as somewhat of a celebrity. The thing that got me is that he was born and raised in a teeny tiny town very close to where I grew up. He would have gone to my high school (and if you know my high school you'll realize how completely amazing that is since it had a complete population of under 1000 when I was there). I just think what he does is absolutely amazing.

Mike Tompkins has a true talent, and I have a crush! Isn't he cute in a geeky/nerdy sorta way?

Also, check out the top-right image around 2:05 or so. The way he's groovin' makes me laugh every time!

Perks

2010-12-06T20:17:00.004-05:00

Have I mentioned how much I love Ian's Nursery School? If I have, I apologize for telling you again, but I Love Ian's Nursery School. He's still in the toddler room - and will be until the end of June when the school closes for the summer - and it can be busy and loud at times, but he loves it there. The best part is that there's so many little perks for the families.

A few weeks ago we took advantage of a Date Night only for nursery school families. It involved us dropping off our kids there at 5 o'clock for a pizza supper, crafts, a movie, a snack, and other activities (Shaun reported a scavenger hunt in his school-age group) and being able to leave for 4 hours and do whatever the hell we wanted. Yup, 4 hours of no-kids-so-what-should-we-do-with-our-time free time. When we picked them up, both were exhausted and Shaun told stories all the way home of all the fun he had; even though it's Baby School, according to him.

Tonight I braved the snow and cold and an infant with a terrible cold and brought all 3 to a Christmas Craft Night. Snacks were provided again, and they had a huge room set up with tables all covered with various craft activities. Staff were on hand to help direct each craft while I chased Kyle around as he crawled everywhere and tried to eat every single tiny bead he found on the floor. It was exhausting and I was worried I would regret heading out tonight, but the kids had fun and each ended up with a pretty snazzy mini Christmas tree outta the deal. We didn't get to the last craft: an angel to top the tree. It's okay anyway because Kyle was starting to get pretty crabby by the end.

I'm not completely decided on whether Ian will return to this nursery school for his preschool years or not. Mostly because their preschool program is very large (like, 50 kids kinda large!). The larger group is split into 4 smaller groups, each with their own teacher, but the children move from room to room throughout the morning so there's a lot of transitions. I'll have to ask more questions as the decision approaches. For now though, the perks are almost enough to send Ian back for preschool!

Canine Advantage

2010-11-24T20:27:00.003-05:00

We don't have a dog. Not because we don't like dogs, because we do. In fact, a dog is in our 5 year plan. Well, maybe 10 year plan. I grew up with a dog, so did Craig. Dogs are wonderful for teaching your children about responsibility, compassion, patience, love; I could go on and on. Aside from the hair and expense of having a dog, they really are wonderful creatures. We don't have a dog because we don't have room in our hearts or calendar for a dog. We know that.

Why, then, do so many people have dogs who do not care for them like they deserve? I'm sitting here listening to a dog barking outside. It's the same dog that stays outside around the clock in the summer and barks all night long. The same dog who I have never seen outside of her backyard. This dog lives at the same house where the grass is never mowed, the garage door paint is faded and peeling, the driveway isn't shoveled in the winter. I've never seen the owner, only heard her when she screams at the dog from her bedroom window at night to, "shut-up!". There's a swingset in the backyard that sits just beyond the tall cedars. I've never seen any children playing on it. There's a dirt path beaten into the overgrown grass that runs along the fence line but I know it's not from children's feet.

I ache for this poor dog. She deserves a much better life than the one she has.

Sweet Slumber

2010-11-23T21:08:00.002-05:00

Kyle has been an awesome sleeper since basically the day he was born. In fact, all three boys were sleeping through the night pretty early. I think Ian took the longest to sleep through consistently and I seem to remember he was about 4 months old, so still a LOT younger than many, many babies. It seems that Kyle, though, has an appetite for sleep like no other child I've ever met. Take for example his napping. He still takes 3 naps a day at nearly 11 months old. Yes, 3 naps. He goes down in the morning for about an hour and a half, then in the afternoon right after he eats his lunch for about 2 hours (sometimes it's close to 3) and then a quick 45 minute catnap right around dinner time. He's back in bed for the night at 7:30 and doesn't wake up again until 7 or later the following morning. Tonight his catnap began at 4PM and I heard him stirring just before 7PM. He slept right through all the rattling and banging the Bigs were creating, right through dinner, right through me vacuuming the staircase; he's a sleeper, I told you! So I went and got him; he was still groggy and snuggly. Just like I like it! I quickly fed him some dinner and then at 7:45 as I was getting the Bigs ready for bed, I threw Kyle's pyjamas on him with no intention of sticking him back in bed, more so he'd be ready for bed later, and he was sooo cranky and whiny that I ended up putting him back to bed anyway. And the kid fell asleep again! Normally I'd be worried one of the other boys would be up way earlier than normal with such a big nap right before bed but Kyle is such a sleeper I just know he'll be the last one to wake up in the morning. It's almost like when he plays too much during the day he just can't turn his brain off enough for his naps to get a good, restful sleep and ends up napping longer. What a kid, I tell ya!

Like I said, Ian has been our toughest nut to crack in the sleep department. He still sleeps and naps far better than a lot of kids his age and I think I'm the envy of a lot of my Mommy friends who have children who absolutely refuse to nap or still wake up multiple times during the night. After we got past Ian getting out of bed 20 times a night before falling asleep, it's been pretty smooth sailing. Until I got this book about monsters, that is. I bought a book last week called, "There's No Such Thing As Monsters". It's basically about a little bear who moves out of his big brother's room and into his own room. He's lonely and afraid without his big brother bear and sees monsters in the shapes and shadows in his new room. Big bear comes in a few times and eases little bear's fears and by the end of the story, little bear is snoring. Ian loves this book and has been asking for it to be read to him multiple times a day since the day it came home.

Last week Craig mentioned to me that Ian woke up around midnight one night and was calling for me from the top of the stairs. Craig was still awake so he came upstairs and cuddled with Ian a little. Ian told Craig he was afraid of the monsters in his room. A little history: our boys have never, ever, mentioned monsters. Shaun's never been afraid of anything in his closet or under his bed, like many kids are. We never talk about monsters because they've never been a problem. We closely sensor the small amounts of TV our boys watch and there's never anything even potentially scary in the shows so Craig was a little puzzled over where this whole fear of monsters was coming from, until I told him about the new book.

Then last night I was cleaning up some things upstairs before heading to bed myself and I heard Ian gasp in his sleep. Right after that he came stumbling out of his room looking for me, saying he'd had a bad dream about monsters. The poor little guy is afraid of monsters now from this book that's supposed to cure children's fears of exactly that! I feel awful!

Before and After

2010-11-18T20:28:00.003-05:00

Before and After, and not the kind you think.

While we were getting ready to head out the door to do the groceries tonight I realized how much I've changed since having Shaun. Keep reading...

Me Before:
I would make sure my clothes were clean and any jeans had no wrinkles before heading out the door. My hair was always brushed and usually tied back into a neat ponytail, sometimes with a strand of hair pinned around the elastic.
Me After:
Do I have clothes on? Yes? Good. Hair? Umm, I'll wear a hat today.

Grocery List Before:
All the items were organized in neat little sections on my sheet of binder paper. I would put dairy in the top left corner, next to that bread products and then produce, etc. It was a list created by a Master. I would make sure my handwriting was pristine in case I lost my list in the grocery store so that whoever would pick it up would think, "My, this gal has very nice handwriting."
Grocery List After:
A discarded piece of paper - usually the back of a bill, with mostly illegible scribbles on it of strange things to get this shop like lemon grass, garlic mayo, and paneer. For the rest of the shop, I wing it.

Diaper Bag Before:
The always-completely-stocked wipes were neatly tucked in an inside pocket. I'd use the premium diapers when I'd go out so that if I was changing Shaun in a washroom people wouldn't think I was using the cheapies (meanwhile I had the cheapies at home). I had snacks (only fruit so people wouldn't think I fed my kid junk), books, small toys and a complete change of good clothes for Shaun in there.
Diaper Bag After:
Diapers. Check. Shake the wipes container. If it sounds like there's something in there: Check. Undies for Ian. Check. Plus any random toys that one of the kids has dumped in there, usually a couple of mints from the last restaurant visit, and sometimes a half-full bottle of water where the water has condensed on the top of the bottle because it's been sitting in there so long.

My Kid Before:
Shaun would be dressed only in his best clothes. Name brand, all matchy-matchy, his best coat and shoes and usually I'd spike his hair up into a mohawk because I loved the attention it would get him.
My Kids After:
Is everyone dressed? Usually I make this observation around the same time as I'm making my own on myself. Are all the shoes accounted for? Are all the children accounted for?

My Vehicle Before:
I drove a sharp silver Grand Prix with brushed chrome rims and dark tinted windows. I had a stash of my favourite CDs in the multi-disc player and more on the visor where I stored my flashy sunglasses.
My Vehicle After:
A dull brown minivan with finger-printed and tongue-printed windows and a non-working rear windshield wiper that is permanently stuck half way through it's stroke. My 6-disc CD changer houses Raffi, Sesame Street, Raffi's Greatest Hits, Igor Soundtrack, Madagascar Soundtrack, and Mixed Kids' Songs. In that order. I have no sunglasses because my children continue to wear them and subsequently break them.

Why do people continue to have children if this is what their lives become????

Because of this:

And this:

And this:

Say What You Need to Say

2010-11-16T22:24:00.003-05:00

Gah! How do I say nicely to Craig without sounding like a miserable nagging wife,

"I appreciate you taking the initiative to throw in a load of laundry. How is it possible that you can grab random things from the already-clearly-sorted piles and pitch them into the washer all together? Now that the one stinky dish cloth which was in the 'bleach' pile was washed with a load of pyjamas, it has essentially infected the whole load and now everything reeks like stinky dish cloth."

Is there any way to put that nicely? He scratches his head over the water bill every month and not so jokingly blames my long showers but I honestly think it's this whole 'gotta do the same load of laundry again' gig. Seriously, it drives me completely bananas!

I could throw him a little slack if, say, the piles weren't clearly sorted; or if I hadn't explained numerous times the importance of pile sorting and keeping like items together (jeans with jeans, towels with towels, or perhaps, stinky dish cloths with stinky dish cloths); or if the cost of water and the price to heat it wasn't an issue. But come on!!! We've been over this before.

For the most part I'm very lucky that Craig is so completely normal and wonderful and loving and totally into being a Dad and just, ahhh, now I'm feeling all mushy... I hate laundry. It seriously is the bane of my existence. The absolute last thing I want to do on this entire earth (including eating fermented squid guts and taking out the compost - in that order) is to do the same load of laundry twice. No kidding!

Smarty Pants

2010-11-15T20:00:00.002-05:00

You know, I don't want to brag. Ahhh, who am I kidding? Of course I want to brag! Isn't that basically the whole point of a blog? Among it being a place to vent, ask for advice, update; but I'm gonna brag today.

Kyle's talking. Like, really talking. Okay, only a couple of words but seriously he's talking. He's been rattling off Mama for over a month and really meaning it. Like when I return to the room he's playing in, when I go to get him after a long nap, or when he's waiting not-so-patiently in his highchair for his meal. He's perfected Dada, too, and drops one of those in frequently.

"Kyle, who's that?"

"Dada!"

"Say hi to Daddy, Kyle."

"Da, da, da, Dada!"

I never get a Dada and Craig never gets a Mama. He means 'em, and I love it.

At 10 months Kyle can wave. Even when no one prompts him he'll get his little hand going; opening and shutting. Sometimes if the person is extra special he'll use two hands. Tonight as I was tucking the Bigs into bed I had Kyle in my arms and we were backing out of the room as I was saying Goodnight. Kyle came out with Bah-Bah, and waved. We've heard him use Bah or Buh before and it's often when we're referring to Beaner or Boo-Boo (our enormously huge and very friendly cat).

A couple of days ago, though, Kyle and I were saying goodbye to Craig at the door before he left for work and, I kid you not, Kyle said, "Dada, bah."

I looked at Craig, he looked at me, and we both said, "No way!". I'm beginning to believe we really heard what we both though we heard.

Kyle's also been attempting to say, Shaun. All we get out of him is a hisssss right now but it's consistently when we're talking about Shaun and saying Shaun's name to Kyle. Ian calls Shaun, Saun, so I think that may be where Kyle's connecting the ssss sound with Shaun's name.

I don't remember the other boys figuring out all this language so young. It must be that Kyle hears noise and talking from one person or another all day long. Every single waking moment there's someone around him who's speaking; either to him directly or to another person. I sing songs to the children every single day and read them countless stories. We play goofy little rhyming games and fingerplays with one another and Kyle is usually around for all of those. I guess it's all paying off!

Also, Kyle's crawling. As of November 9 (so I'm a tad behind) something sort of clicked in his head and he figured out how to co-ordinate all his extremities and that was the beginning of the end. I hadn't been encouraging him to crawl at all. In fact, often when I'd see he was up on all fours and rocking like nobody's business, I'd plunk him back on his bum and distract him with toys. The way I see it, he'll learn to crawl and walk eventually. No kid enters Kindergarten not being able to walk but many go into Kindergarten not being able to speak clearly and be understood. We've always focused more on the language and intellectual side first with our boys and let the gross motor come naturally. But this night he was determined to get something from the bath toy basket in the main bathroom and he was off. Once he realized what he'd done, it was all over. He was crawling all over the place only half an hour later. It was truly a sight and Shaun was in heaven! (Background: Shaun's been saying for months that he can't wait until Kyle can crawl so they can play together. He must forget how much of a pain it is to have his baby brother trying to get everything he's playing with!)

So that's the end of my brag session. Kyle's humongous and smiley and smart. He's an amazing napper, sleeps 12 straight hours at night and adjusts to pretty much any damn thing we need him to. Stay up until 11 because we're visiting family in Toronto? Sure. Skip a nap because his cousin wants to play? Absolutely. Wear mittens for a whole hour? No problem. Fall asleep without his suckie? Okay, that's where he draws the line. Stupid suckie. I lost one today on the walk to get Shaun at school so I only have one left. I can't find the identical soother ANYWHERE (believe me, I've checked EVERYWHERE) and he only accepts the one specific kind. Again, believe me, I've tried other kinds and he wants nothing to do with them. *sigh* Oh well. If that's the only thing that makes him cry, I'll take it!

It Ain't Right

2010-11-11T22:16:00.002-05:00

One of the biggest disadvantages of being a family of 5 is that the world is built for a family of 4.

Hotel room? Sure. 2 adults, 2 kids... oh, you have 3 kids. Ummm, that'll be an extra charge.

Table for 4? Oh, you're 5? Ummm, you'll have to wait for a table. Sorry.

Vacation to Disney? Absolutely. Oh, it will cost extra for a third child. Our packages are only for 2 adults and 2 kids.

What really jerks my chain is that the divorce rate is right around 50% for North America so do the families with only 1 adult get a discount? Not a chance! It's just stupid and it's really starting to tick me off. Once Kyle reaches 1 year old he will officially count as an extra body in our hotel rooms. Really. Stupid.

What got me on this soap box is the fact that we have outgrown our kitchen table. Craig and I bought it years ago out of the Pennysaver (before Kijiji or Facebook even existed) when we were still a family of 2. It's a beautiful solid oak pedestal table with 2 leaves and 4 matching oak arm chairs. That's all fine and dandy as long as you're only entertaining 2 people at a time or if you're only a family of 4. Now that we have 5 kids we need to expand and a table that seats 6 just isn't going to cut it. What? Are we going to have only one person over at a time?

"Sorry Aunt Bertha. It's Uncle Herbert's turn this Christmas. You can come next year."

I'm campaigning for a table that seats 8. But not just any ol' table. It can't be pub style. It seems SO many 8-seaters are pub style. SO impractical for those with kids. I hate them. It has to be harvest style, so no pedestal. It must have leaves for it so I can expand it to seat at least 10; maybe 12 in a pinch. No veneered tops. They chip and peel away and just look generally ugly within 10 years of purchase. We have waaaaay more than 10 years with kids in the house. AND it can't come with chairs. Seriously. I have this grand idea of a table with mismatched chairs seated around it. We have a dining room that isn't used for it's intended purpose so the kitchen table is where we eat. Who wants a formal dining set in their kitchen? I figure a nice table plus mismatched chairs will equal shabby chic. Yes?

Anyway, do you think I can find a table that matches my specific requirements? Yeah, and Kyle changes his own diaper and my dishes washed themselves this afternoon and Craig put a remote control on the lawn rake and pigs fly.

Garbie No More

2010-11-10T21:44:00.002-05:00

Craig and I had started calling Shaun, Garbie, because of his garbage bag arm when he'd have a bath. Well, he got the cast removed this morning so I guess we'll have to go back to calling him Boogie. He's been keeping his arm bent at the 90' angle just like when he had it in the cast and the doctor said no bike riding or climbing for a few days, but the bone is completely healed. I think the cast became a bit of a security blanket for Shaun because he was crying, yes crying, this morning while getting ready to head to the hospital with Craig. As a consolation prize, he got to keep his cast. He's asked us to hang it on his wall like a trophy. What is with this kid?!

His arm was all thin-looking (I don't think it shrunk in only 4 weeks but I've gotten so used to seeing it larger-than-life because of the cast that it was a little alarming to see how tiny it really is) and the skin was flaking when I picked him up from school this afternoon.

The doctor said Shaun should regain the full range of motion within a week and to call if we have any concerns. I know a little guy who had the same exact break as Shaun and he can't even bend his elbow to 90' post cast even though it was cast at that angle. He's been referred to some specialists at another hospital and they're looking at surgery to help him regain some motion. I hope it doesn't come to that with Shaun.

Two More Sleeps

2010-11-08T22:19:00.002-05:00

So I don't understand enough about Blogger to be able to mess with the margins to make this collage fit but if you click on the collage itself you should be able to follow it back to Photobucket where you'll be able to see the whole thing.

Two more sleeps until Shaun gets his cast off and an x-ray of his arm. I'd like to think it's healed enough that he can get the cast completely removed but if necessary, they'll recast him for another 3 weeks.

Moment

2010-11-08T21:14:00.002-05:00

Bicycles in the driveway... CHECK

Dirty knees on pants... CHECK

Dishes in the sink... and on the counter... and spilling out of the dishwasher... CHECK

Piles of laundry throughout the house... CHECK

Stack of library books on Ian's bed... CHECK

Empty hangers in closet and coats on floor... CHECK

Late bedtime because I was spending too much time enjoying my boys... CHECK

Time flies when you're having fun - really! I'm learning to live in the moment and accept that things in my life will not always be perfect. Things are so much clearer as I'm watching my boys grow up.

My Circus

2010-11-05T23:14:00.004-04:00

I pull out of the driveway and the whining and complaining starts. The clock is closing in on 5:30 and no one has eaten yet. Kyle ditches his suckie on the floor of the van which is already littered with dead raisins, smooshed granola bars, juice box straws and Little Critter books. Great, I think, we're off to a great start. I'd better feed this side show before I do the groceries or I'll never get out of there alive; and neither will they. It's not like I have a big shop to do. Enough to get us through the weekend and maybe Monday; some milk and cheese and oatmeal and fruit for Shaun's school snack. Half an hour -- tops.

"Hold my hand or hold Shaun's," I tell Ian.

"No Mom, Ian's walk by self. No hold Saun's hand."

"Shaun, hold your brother's hand please." The diaper bag is stuffed with my whole life and slung over my shoulder. I can't turn too quickly or it'll slide off and dump all the contents on the wet pavement in the parking lot. Kyle is dripping off my hip and I struggle to readjust him with my only free leg. Ian is drifting further into the cars' driving aisle as we walk towards the grocery store entrance. Shaun offers Ian his hand.

"No Saun, no hold hands. Ian's walk by self." He walks a little quicker and I shout to Shaun to keep up because we're crossing the main freeway of the parking lot. Ian's leading, I'm struggling with Kyle who I'm now holding by his waist; his legs dangling behind me. Shaun is bringing up the rear, commenting on the Ironman mask on display for the 184th time.

"Here, let's take a cart." Kyle is quickly buckled in and I realize I didn't dig his suckie off the van floor. Crap. I'll have to go back. There's no way he'll last without it. I jam Ian into the seat, kicking and screaming he wants to walk, and Shaun climbs into the front. Whatever. It'll be quicker this way.

Back to the van we go.

"Weeeeeeee! I like riding in the cart, Mom!"

"No Mom! Ian's ride wit Saun in tart. Ian's no sit wit Tiyo."

"Enough Ian, it's not for long. We just have to get back to the van so I can grab Kyle's suckie. You can walk when we get back inside."

This explanation seems to satisfy Ian and he sits quietly, only commenting on a blue car here or a big bird there. When we get to the van I dig through the stickiness on the floor of the van. I really need to vacuum this thing, I've been telling myself for months it needs to be done. On my next day off. I feel my hand close on his suckie and I pull it up. Hmm, raisins don't go bad, do they? I pull off the raisin and blow off the hair and clip the suckie back to Kyle's coat. He smiles and maneuvers it into his mouth.

Close the door, lock it. Back into the grocery store we go.

"Weeeeeeeee! Hey Mom, can I ride in the cart all the time? This is really fun and my legs don't get sore from walking. Oh look, the Ironman mask. I'm going to save my allowance and buy that mask Mom. It costs fifty dollars and I've counted -- I have almost ten dollars. So maybe in 10 more weeks I'll have fifty dollars. Do you know what I'm going to buy after the Ironman mask?"

I'm steering the rattling cart in between shoppers pushing carts laden with bags brimming with groceries. When we get to the other side of the store where the hot deli is Shaun hops out and points to a piece of chicken schnitzel. I ask the blonde teen behind the counter for the schnitzel and he places it in a small paper box and hands it to me. I grab a salad and a bento box of sushi and stand in line to pay. Kyle has forgotten about his suckie and is turning around trying to grab the box of sushi. Ian is crying that he wants pizza. Shaun is gone; running ahead to the eating area.

We always eat at the same table. It's right beside the garbage can, just on the other side of the wall from the microwave so I can warm Kyle's food and supervise the side show, and is at the end of the aisle so the cart can park beside us and contain all our gear. As I round the corner I notice there's someone sitting at our table and Shaun is talking to her.

"...and we usually sit here. My Mom needs this table for me and my brothers."

"Hi. No, please don't move. We're fine. Here Shaun, let's sit at the next table. There's plenty of room and the cart doesn't have to be right beside us." I start to unload the Littles while Shaun makes himself comfortable. Everyone is hungry and whining. Kyle is frantically gnawing on the edge of the table from his highchair. I toss his container of leftover spaghetti into the microwave and smile at the woman as I walk past. It's okay, I tell myself, it's only a few feet further. No worries. Kyle is hyperventilating; he's so desperate to eat. Geez, when did he eat last? Three something? I'm sure he had some yogurt a couple of hours ago.

"Ding, Mom. Tiyo's food's ready!"

I hear the microwave beeping over Kyle's frantic whining and rush to finish cutting the schnitzel and mix the salad before pulling the sizzling pureed spaghetti out. Kyle sees his dish and goes mental. At least the Bigs have their food. I try desperately to offer Kyle his suckie while I huff and puff on his food. He's completely insulted and is determined to let me know.

Eventually we all get the chance to eat. I learn that Ian loves sushi.

Kyle barfs all down his one and only shirt after gulping water and having it fall down the wrong hole. Ohmygawdwhatamess. Why oh why didn't I pack extra clothes for Kyle? All I have is a size 2 long sleeve t-shirt for Ian. It'll have to do and I roll up the sleeves after tugging it onto Kyle's round head.

We're quite the sight collecting our garbage that has been strewn across 4 small round tables. There's a fair buffet under Kyle's highchair, complete with a side of spaghetti barf. Thank goodness for a slew of shea butter scented diaper wipes and a stash of Lysol wipes in the diaper bag. The table's good as new. The floor will have to wait for a broom and dustpan and a mop.

In the produce section Shaun keeps Ian entertained by dancing and singing the Spiderman theme song and pretending to sling webs and swing on them. It's quite the show until Ian shouts, "Ian's have poo Mom! Poo's comin' now, Mom!"

I'm immediately on overdrive. I toss the cauliflower into the cart, tell Shaun we need to leave right now and start trotting to the closest washroom, all while pushing the cart carrying Ian and supporting Kyle who's nestled against my chest in the wrap. The rent-a-cop at the main doors chuckles and says something about my being back so soon. I ignore him, yank Ian out of the cart and ask Shaun to crab the diaper bag and follow me.

"Ian's wants push button," he whines. There's an automatic door going into the washroom for wheelchair use. If there's poo in his pants I'm going to lose my mind. I let him push the button anyway and we wait the painfully slow 4 seconds for the door to open before rushing in and piling into the tiny stall. Ian's breathing deeply now so I know he's anxious.

"Mom, I don't need to go into the toilet room, okay? I'll stand right here. Or maybe I'll just wait outside the bathroom. Actually I do need to pee. I'll go to the bathroom beside this one. It's the one with a boy on the door and you're not allowed in there because you're not a boy. You're a girl because you have a -"

"That's enough, Shaun." I interrupt him just in time. "Choose your stall. You're staying in the washroom."

Ian's having success on the toilet. Only Kyle is uncomfortable because I'm kneeling and his head is dangling out of the wrap. He adjusts his suckie and sighs.

Once we're back out in the grocery store, Shaun is wired and bouncing all over the place. He crashes into the first display we come to. He's not hurt but is embarassed and pouts for the next 10 minutes. Eventually he perks up and he and Ian are back to being goofy. By now Kyle is starting to doze and I'm done with this grocery business. Half an hour - ha! Who was I kidding?! Only myself apparently because it's been an hour an a half since I first pulled into my parking space and I'm only now walking back to the front of the store to the check--

SMASH! "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Shaun's bouncing has earned him a nice goose egg on his forehead, courtesy of a Campbell's soup display. I'm stunned. Shaun's sobbing. Ian's picking his nose. Kyle's snoring.

I pile our few items onto the conveyor belt. Milk, apples, chicken breasts, broccoli.

"Uh oh Mom." Three words a mother never wants to hear from her 2 year old. "Ian's made big mess. Ian's sorry Mom."

He's holding a white lid in his right hand and an empty cranberry juice single serve in the other. The cranberry juice is dripping off our coats below where Ian is sitting and pooling on the white floor in a sticky puddle.

"Mooooooommmmmmm, that's MY juice! I was saving that for tomorrow when I have breakfast. I was going to have Kellogg's Frosted Flakes and milk. Did you know 'they're grrrreat'? That's Tony the Tiger who says that. Do you remember seeing tigers at the zoo Mom? It was so hot that day and they were hiding under the trees but we still saw them..."

All I can do is hang my head and apologize to the cashier. Me and my circus. My barfy, poopy, head-bangin', juice spillin' side show. Admission is free. Bring extra clothes and Tylenol.

Before I Read You the Riot Act

2010-10-27T21:09:00.002-04:00

This is an oldish photo (like, I took it about a month ago) but uploading it from my camera completely reminded me of this day and how much of a comedic relief my seeing the Bigs climbing on the shelves at the grocery store really was.

The day had lasted a week, it felt, and the grocery store was insane -- as usual. I was waiting in line to checkout, turned around and saw Shaun and Ian. I happened to have the camera in the diaper bag and snapped this picture. I was getting all sorts of nasty looks from people around me (Only women. What is it with NASTY women?!) but I didn't care.

I only have one protest and that's the price. On this day I would have given the Bigs away but on days like today - most days, in fact - I wouldn't sell them for any amount of money. Well, maybe for a lifetime supply of Starburst.

A Few From the Weekend

2010-10-19T20:33:00.002-04:00

New Adventures

2010-10-18T20:14:00.003-04:00

I'm 12 hours into 60 of Craig being gone. He's off to a training session offered by his union until Wednesday night. At first I was apprehensive about him going. Will I be able to contact him if there's an emergency? Will he be paid for the time off from work? Who is he going with and do I trust them? I mostly worried because my Dad always went away for work conferences when I was little and Mom has told me more than once that Dad stopped going because his co-workers always wanted to hit the 'rippers at night. That's not my Dad's thing and it's certainly not Our thing. I know Craig's not like that either but it was kind of in the back of my mind.

Now that I've survived the first half-day, it's been a bit of an adventure! The boys and I raked the leaves this morning and played around in them a little, I got a bunch of cleaning done this afternoon while Shaun was at school and the Littles were napping and then we hit McDonalds and their play centre for dinner. What a treat for the Bigs! They could hardly sit still to eat their dinner.

Tomorrow my Mom is coming to stay overnight because early Wednesday morning someone has to take Ian to nursery school and, at the same time, Shaun is due at the hospital for a follow-up for his broken arm. I was really hoping I could somehow manage to be in both places at once (and almost was able to make it work with the before-care option at Ian's nursery school) but I still had to worry about not being able to pick him up on time. Thank goodness for Moms!

Shaun is desperate to get his cast off. I keep reminding him that he likely has another 3 weeks at least of wearing a cast and then he reminds me that the one he has on is coming off on Wednesday and that his arm doesn't hurt anymore. I hope it won't be too upsetting for him when the doctor tells him he needs another cast on Wednesday. His arm has shrunk back to normal size and with the swelling gone, his cast and the cotton inside is beginning to really irritate his arm. He was frantic a couple of night ago because his arm was itchy but he couldn't get at the itch. He was practically climbing the walls. Well, Mommy came to the rescue and found an extra long paint brush that's thinner than a pencil (I use it to touch up baseboards) and he's been dragging it around with him. It even found its way to school today in his backpack. He'll jam it through the top of his cast up near his shoulder and move the stick up and down. He was melting that first night because the itching felt so good. I've been there -- although I didn't have access to anything to stop the itch.

It's been different with Craig not here. There's no sounding board to run ideas past or discipline issues, and there isn't anyone to take over because I need a break; but there's also no one to worry about disturbing when I want to vacuum, the kitchen is clean because I washed all the dishes and there weren't any stragglers brought up from the basement, and all the shoes and coats are neatly in the closet - right where they should be. But I'd give up all the tidiness to have him home. I miss him. 46 hours and 26 minutes. Oh, now it's 25 minutes. :)

Distal Humerus Fracture

2010-10-14T13:25:00.004-04:00

While this isn't Shaun's x-ray, his is basically identical to these. We were given a copy of the x-rays on a CD but for whatever reason I can't gain access to the pictures except to view them. I can't even find them on the CD; it's like they don't exist.

Anyway, the section with 2 bones is the lower arm, below the elbow. His break is in his humerus, the upper arm bone, as is shown in these photos. It goes all the way around the bone which is why the doctor was concerned about Shaun needing surgery. I guess it's pretty common for a break like this to cause a shift in the alignment of the bones. But even though Shaun's humerus broke all the way around, it never shifted, thus, no surgery. Yay!

He's completely self-conscious of his cast and sling which is the opposite of how I thought he would be. I figured he'd love all the attention and be showing it off. But he wanted a long sleeve shirt today and was upset that I couldn't put his sling under his sleeve. Even when his friends asked at school what happened, all he said was, 'he fell'. He has gym class today and I already spoke with his teacher about Shaun's expectations and limitations. I also told Shaun that he won't be able to do everything like the other kids but to at least try and make sure to ask for help if he realizes he can't do something on his own. Hopefully once he gets more comfortable using only one hand/arm for things it'll be easier for him. I even had to feed him dinner last night and breakfast this morning. It's like I have 2 toddlers and an infant since Shaun can't do pretty much everything. I even had to help him in the bathroom this morning. Poor guy!

Monkey See, Monkey Do, Monkey Break

2010-10-13T21:07:00.002-04:00

A little background first: Shaun's never been much of a risk-taker. Alright, he's a complete chicken. He never wants to try anything new, doesn't ever fold to peer pressure, doesn't push himself or challenge himself. Until recently, that is. Now suddenly he's trying all this new stuff and I'm completely thrilled about it but he's learned there's sometimes consequences.

I've watched kids climb on this small storage building at the park. It's about 8 feet tall and has a flat roof. Kids shimmy up the drain pipe and use the hydro pole to brace themselves against as they pull themselves up to the roof. They sit up there and goof around, watching the smaller kids play on the playground nearby. I've given kids heck for sitting up there. Mostly because there's an electrical wire that travels from the pole into the side of the building that I'm petrified one will get electrocuted from, but also because it's downright dangerous. It's a pretty small building; about 10 feet by 6 feet, and 8 feet tall, so there's not much room for a lot of people up there and I've seen up to 10 kids up there at once. I've forbidden Shaun to climb up there and he's been with me when I told other kids it's not a good idea.

Craig and Shaun went to this park on the weekend and Shaun asked to climb the building. Craig simply can't tell Shaun not to do something that he would have done himself at the same age. (Craig also spray painted the front steps of a church early Easter Sunday morning, smashed signs in a drive-thru, and stole a car as a kid! I don't see where his logic makes sense. But that's for a completely different post.) So Shaun learned how to climb onto the roof of this storage building. He came home all excited that he did it himself and insisted I watch him do it at the very next opportunity. I made sure to remind Craig that I absolutely do NOT allow Shaun to climb on this building for the reasons I mentioned and all he could say was that he would have done something similar as a kid so he couldn't tell Shaun, "No". Please.

Well, long story short, Shaun broke his arm yesterday while showing me how he climbs up this building. He somehow got his shirt caught on the way down and fell the whole 8 feet and landed on his elbow. It's broken just above where his upper arm joins at his elbow. He's wearing a temporary cast until next Wednesday when the swelling should be gone and he returns to the fracture clinic for a permanent cast. Craig went with him to the hospital and says Shaun was pretty brave, especially when it came time for him to move his arm around for x-rays and to get the cast on.

Shaun stayed home from school today but he'll be back tomorrow; showing off his cast, I'm sure.

October

2010-10-04T09:07:00.004-04:00

I've been feeling like I need some inspiration lately. Not sure what kind. Whether it be moving furniture around in the basement, making something new for dinner one night, walking a different route to Shaun's school and playing at a different park. And this weekend, we did all that... and more.

I'm rejuvenated.

There's something about this weather - crisp air filled with the smell of sleepy trees - that inspires me. Inspires me to refocus and remember why I'm doing this. This. This being a mom thing.

I ignored all the laundry this weekend. Like, the piles and piles that have been diligently sorted into bright/dark/white on the laundry room floor. I stepped over those piles countless times and kicked the waiting laundry baskets to the side as I was trudging to the storage room to scavenge for new toys.

Shaun and Ian anxiously waited at the door for the next bin of toys to appear. Then they excitedly tore off the lid and rummaged through it, choosing 1 or 2 things from each bin to haul up to the sunny playroom. We cleaned blocks and plastic people and rubber snakes; putting them back into empty bins to wait for the next rotation.

It didn't take long for the 'new' toys to find their way under tables and into forts. I think we fished that blue corvette dinky car out from under the stove at least a dozen times. While the boys kept themselves entertained with all the newness in the playroom, I started vacuuming the basement. With 2 long-hair cats and lots of kids, the basement needs to be vacuumed at least every other day. Well, I have to admit, today, the laundry isn't done and the basement isn't clean. Nope. The vacuum is actually sitting right beside me; still plugged into the wall. And there's dust bunnies everywhere. I can see those, too.

As soon as I turned the thing on, Shaun and Ian made their way downstairs. I ended up bringing Kyle down the basement too since he was all alone in the playroom. I quickly realized it was going to be impossible to clean anything with the toddler riding on the top of the vacuum canister, an infant spinning on his bum and getting his legs stuck under the couch, and a 5-year-old digging through the toy box and pulling out something else as quickly as I was cleaning them up. So I stopped. Vacuuming and cleaning that is.

Instead, I set up the kids' tent on some soft foam mats, carefully placed a fuzzy blanket inside and some pillows and made a trip to the loft to gather some camping things. We made a campsite right here in the basement. Right beside the dust bunnies and piles of laundry in the next room. Over the next few hours we added a campfire made from rolled up brown paper complete with tissue paper flames, a camping chair, and a picnic table. I even hung fall coloured leaves from the ceiling to make it more authentic. And we played. Boy, we played. We roasted cotton ball marshmallows taped to mini hockey sticks. We turned out the lights and watched the stars through the mesh of the tent. And we scared away wild animals with the flashlight.

Then when it came time to decide what was for dinner, I threw my type-A personality out the window and put my cookbook away. We went for a walk instead. Shaun rode his bike, because that's what 5 year old 2-wheeled bike riders do, Ian trotted beside the stroller and Kyle curled up in the wrap for a snooze. It was cold outside and I was glad we all had mitts. Shaun led the charge and decided which ways to turn. We walked in circles but we didn't care. We stopped at a new playground and played there for a while. Then when everyone's cheeks were starting to turn rosy, we found our way back to the cozy spot in the living room and I made a fire. The wood crackled and popped and hissed and before long, the room was toasty and we were removing layers.

We read books in front of the fire and curled up on floor pillows with favourite blankets and buddies. The Bigs had snacks for dinner and Kyle drank until he was drunk and his eyes rolled back into his head. Then, one by one, I carried each boy up to bed. First, Shaun, who sleepily asked for just one more chapter. Then, Ian, who mumbled something about an Eskimo kiss - which I happily agreed to. Finally, Kyle, who arched his back in his bed and silently rolled to one side, his face pressed into his favourite blankie.

Yes, I'm rejuvenated. And the laundry and dust bunnies have waited for me. They're patient. My boys growing up? That's going to happen whether the house is clean or not.

Bad Nana

2010-09-28T21:28:00.002-04:00

"Bad Nana, Mom." Ian comes running to me from the playroom. "Ian want Bad Nana."

"Bad Nana?" I ask. "Nana's not bad. Nana loves you."

Ian looks at the floor. I can tell he's thinking.

"Nooo, Nana at home wit Poppy. Ian yove Nana. Ian want Bad Nana."

"You want Nana to be bad? That's not a good idea. Nana's a nice Nana." I'm distracted. Kyle's nursing and is trying to pull off my dangling earrings.

"No Mom!" Ian pauses to get my attention. I look up. "Ian want Bad Nana. Right here," he points to the kitchen table where we keep the plate of fruit. Ian stands on his tippie toes and stretches to reach the plate filled with nice ripe bananas.

"OH!" I wrestle with the nursing baby and stand up from the couch but Ian has already pulled out a chair and is climbing up onto the table. "You want a BANANA!? Here, let me help you."

Doing a little happy dance, Ian shrieks, "Yeah Mom! Ian want badnana!"

My Day in 5 Minutes

2010-09-26T20:16:00.004-04:00

"No, Ian, you may not have another piece of gum."

"Wahhhh, scream, whine, complain!"

"The last piece you had, you swallowed it. I'm not giving you anymore today."

"Yeah, Ian, Mommy says no more. But I didn't swallow my gum so I get more. See?"

"No, Yaun! No yo Ian dum. Ian not wahyow dum, Mom. Ian dyop it."

"Whatever Ian. Swallow, drop. It's all the same to me. Shaun! Keep your gum inside your mouth or I will take it away from you!"

"Whine, whine, whine some more! Peese have dum Mom?"

I'm trying to steer my monster cart filled with children through the crowded produce section of my grocery store. Shaun continues to tease Ian with his gum, Ian continues to cry because he doesn't have any (but there's still evidence of the last piece he dropped in the van on the way to the grocery store on his shirt) and Kyle is reaching behind Ian and trying to push his fingers through the holes in the bag of grapes.

"Wow, you must be busy. Are they all yours?"

She's in her 40s and already I don't like her.

"Yes," I reply sweetly. Why is it that whenever I go anywhere with my children people ask me if they're all mine? Of course they're mine. Even if they weren't, what business of yours is it? It's not like I have 9 and they're all following me like little ducklings. I enter into my standard response for situations like this.

"There's 3 years between the 2 older ones, and this one," I place my hand on Kyle's head and he immediately grabs for it and tries to stuff my fingers in his mouth, "was born last winter. There's 16 months between them. It was a busy winter but they keep me young!"

Produce lady puts her hand on Ian's hand and I notice her long painted fingernails. I imagine the griminess crawling under her nails and am relieved when Ian pushes her hand away. She turns to Kyle, touches his spitty hand and quickly pulls her hand away.

"I have 2 boys," she begins, searching her pockets for a kleenex to wipe her hand on.

"Waaaah freaking waaaah! Want dum now Mom!"

"I already told you, no gum."

"... when he was 5 he fell and got so scratched on his knee..."

"Shaun, can you hand me the hand sanitizer from the side pocket?"

"... was working odd hours so thank God my mother..."

"I can't find it Mom."

"Check the other side pocket."

"Det dum Yaun! Ian want mo dum."

"No Ian. No gum."

"Waaaah, freakin' waaaah."

"...this time of year. Pumpkins and squash..."

"I can't find it Mom. It's not here!" Huff and puff and fold arms on your chest.

"Here, let me look."

"... easy, but I made it work. The laundry, oh..."

Found it! Ha! I always know where this stuff is. Nobody can mess with my diaper bag. It's my lifeline to a world beyond my kids. If I can just get them through this stage I'll be free to go and do big girl things. I don't know if I can get through Produce Lady's ramblings though! She's still yaking! Doesn't she see that I'm not listening? I've turned my back on her to dig through the diaper bag and sanitized my 9 month old's hands and picked a half dozen pears and she's still going. Man, I should squirt some sanitizer in her mouth. Maybe that would shut her up.

"... well, enjoy it! This stage goes so quickly."

"Yes it does, doesn't it?" Not quick enough some days, I mutter under my breath.

"Who was that, Mom?" Inquisiting minds want to know.

"I don't know Shaun."

"She had a lot to say, didn't she?"

I glance over my shoulder. Produce lady is rooting through the kiwifruit. "Yes, she did Shaun. She was very friendly, huh?"

"No Tie-yo! Dat's Ian's toat. Yeave hands over dere."

"Waaaah! Wimper. Snuffle."

I grab Ian's coat from Kyle's grasp and throw it under the cart.

"No Mom! Want toat. Waaaah, scream, cry!!!" Well, at least he's past wanting gum now.

Wheels

2010-09-23T13:29:00.002-04:00

I have a two-wheeled bike rider! In no time he's progressed from wobbly riding on the grass and crashing into fences to riding smooth and straight on a road. He even rode to school today with Craig. This video was taken this morning when he called for me to come outside and watch him on the road. It is the very first time I had seen him anywhere but on the grass and also the first time I saw him get started on his own. It may seem simple but I'm so stinkin' proud!

Major Accomplishments

2010-09-21T17:47:00.002-04:00

I have to update quickly while everyone is eating dinner. First, Shaun's doing great at school. He's happy and excited to go. There will be a class shuffle next week likely but he's okay with that and is happy he'll be back with a lot of friends from last year once he switches. Second, out of the blue he learned how to pump a swing this week. He's been terrified of swings for years. I think something happened to scare him when he was much younger and until spring of this year, he's flatly refused to even sit on one. He'd ride it on his tummy, yes, but never on his bum. And if he was sitting on a swing on his bum and you were to walk behind him, he would be so worried you'd push him he'd quickly turn around or get off. Anyway, we stopped at the park on the way home from school yesterday and while I was pushing the little kids on the swing he climbed on his own. When I offered to push him he said, "no, I can do it." And he did! From a dead stop to really swinging... all on his own. I couldn't believe it and I couldn't stop smiling for at least half an hour!

Mostly I wanted to say that he can ride a 2-wheeler! Finally!!! We bought him a new bike last Christmas and he and I went out on Easter Monday so I could teach him to ride it. We went to an empty parking lot with a slight incline in it. Shaun did great until he toppled and then it was all over. He was shaken and discouraged. We've tried here and there since then and each time he's all gung-ho to try but as soon as he so much as wobbles he gives up and usually leaves his bike in the middle of the sidewalk a few houses down from ours. Yesterday he was watching a kids' show where a little boy was learning to ride a bike in real life on some grass. That put an idea into Shaun's head that maybe that is the way to learn. Contrary to everything my Dad told me growing up about teaching a kid to ride a bike on a hill so that they have momentum, I agreed with Shaun and we tried today in the backyard. Not only was he able to do it on the first try, he actually TURNED AROUND AND CAME BACK TO ME.

Call it a fluke, or that trying on the grass the first time is a good idea, or maybe it was the reassurance the grass provided that if he fell he wouldn't get hurt; which was just the boost of confidence he needed to get his feet on those pedals and go. He hasn't been on the sidewalk yet but after watching him in the backyard I think I'll have to get on my bike tomorrow so we can go for a ride!

Senior Kindergarten

2010-09-10T20:46:00.005-04:00

Much to my surprise, Shaun was actually excited for his first day of Senior Kindergarten today. He still goes in the afternoon from 12:40 to 3:10 every day but this year he's started with a different teacher than the one he had last year. Reason being because the school hasn't been given the official OK from the school board to add another class so all the children that would be in the new class are now spread out among the other three classes. Each class can have a maximum of 19 children in it and Shaun's class today had 20. His teacher told us that it's pretty much 99% that there will be another class formed, in which case he'll move to the teacher he had last year, who has already been noted in all the paperwork we received today as having 2 classes. Other children whose Mom's I spoke to today have been told their children will be in the new afternoon class once it forms. I don't understand all the red tape but as long as Shaun heads back to the teacher and classmates he's familiar with, it's no biggie.

Do you think he was excited to head out today?!

Mad Gab

2010-09-08T23:21:00.002-04:00

"Meh-toe Pay-toe Mace"

Ian said this to me today. It took about 8 repetitions and finally him bringing the object to me for me to actually get what he was saying.

Give up? For whatever reason... Actually, no, I know the reason. Because he's a dorky, goofy kid, Ian has decided that Mr. Potato Head is now Mr. Potato Face. And he laughs and laughs whenever he says it because he knows it's SILLY!

I don't think I would have guessed what he was saying had he not brought me the poor potato dude.

Be OK

2010-09-08T21:08:00.002-04:00

Once I had the Bigs in bed tonight, I sunk into the rocking chair in Kyle's room to nurse him. It was a rough day today. Actually, it's been a rough go for the last several days.

Shaun's excited about Senior Kindergarden and unbelievably anxious at the same time. He switches from jumping up and down flapping his arms and hands, to wimpering and whining about having to go back. Ian has been screaming an awful lot and it's at such a decible, it makes my ears ring. Kyle is teething, he's decided he doesn't need his third nap anymore which has increased the Witching Hour from 2 hours to 3, and he's determined to figure out how to switch from sitting on his bum to laying on his tummy without face-planting every. single. time.

It's hard being on my own at the end of the day. Dinner time is the worst and it's even more difficult because everyone is tired and hungry and needing something all at the same time, and it's only me who can help them. Often I end up foregoing dinner for myself alltogether and eating once everyone is in bed and quiet and I can enjoy a warm meal with no interruptions. Most days I'm on a 2 1/2 hour countdown from 5PM. Dinner, dishes, baths, jammies, stories, bed. It can't go quick enough.

Tonight I could hear Shaun chatting to himself about the Spiderman jammies he's wearing tonight; planning his next move on Venom. Ian was quietly humming to himself and rustling his fresh sheets as he snuggled in for a long nap. Kyle's eyes were rolling back into his head and I listened to the sound of his bare feet stroking the arm of the rocking chair. As the rush of milk came, all the sounds of the house ceased except for the occasional swallow from the baby at my breast. At that moment I realized something -- It won't always be so easy to make everything okay. All my boys need is right here. Our house could burn down tomorrow, the van could be stolen and we could have a negative balance in our bank account, but my boys are happy and safe - that's all that truly matters.

Turning a Leaf in More Ways Than One

2010-09-06T20:27:00.003-04:00

After the disaster I found myself in last Friday, I really and truly wanted to hide in my backyard for the rest of the fall until winter, when I could just wear a hat to cover the mess my hair had become. I desperately called around on Friday night trying to find someone who could fix my hair on short notice without success. Saturday was more of the same.

Craig and I had to get some school shopping done for Shaun, though, so we headed off to the mall on Saturday morning. I was tempted to walk into a salon in the mall and beg to have someone help me but I soon realized that there's so little length to play with and I run the risk of STILL not being happy with the new 'fixed cut'. So I hung my head as we walked around, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, fearing they'd know me and comment on my hair.

When we got home, I washed my hair and decided I had to make the best of a BAD, BAD situation.

After an hour playing around with different styles, some gel, hairspray, and wax...Voila. It's still not the look I was going for originally but at least I don't feel the need to walk around with a paper bag on my head until it grows in.

Tinkerbell

2010-09-03T18:55:00.003-04:00

I took a leap today. A completely spontaneous one. One that I told myself I was absolutely NOT going to do. At least not until I had stewed over it for a while. And certainly not in the location it ended up being.

Now I can't go back. And I hate it. The only positive thing: hair grows back.

Craig's step-mom is a hairstylist. Perk, right? Usually it would be. I've been thinking about a 'pixie' cut for a while (by while, I mean a couple of days) but knew I didn't want to go to her for the cut. You see, I only get my hair cut once a year - if that - because I never like the way it's cut. Too floofy at the ends, too long, uneven length, bangs too short, too many layers; I wish she would just do what I tell her to do and leave the rest the heck alone. I went this morning for a trim. Long story short, I got my hair chopped. And it's not a pixie cut like I wanted. I want to crawl into a hole for the next 8 months until it grows back.

I'll post a picture when I'm feeling a bit better about it. And once I pay a real stylist to fix this disaster that is my head.

Under Roo

2010-09-02T22:39:00.002-04:00

I'm soooo proud of my little Beanie-Butt. Two days in a row he's come running to me saying he has to poo in the potty. We've had him in undies since the end of July and he's done remarkably with pee; it's been poo that's been a struggle. For the last 2 weeks he's caught himself at the beginning and I've managed to get him on the potty in time to finish but he's been having trouble recognizing how his body feels before anything comes out. Needless to say, the laundry sink has been getting quite the workout and I'm not regretting having 29 undies for him (yes, 29). But with this newest milestone of knowing when he's beginning to feel like he has to poo, we could be in the home stretch. Only just turned 2 and already wearin' the under-roos like he's been doin' it his whole life!

New Age

2010-08-31T22:03:00.002-04:00

I'm so far behind. I don't even have time to put away laundry - we've just been taking clean stuff from the baskets and throwing that on in the mornings - so I certainly don't have time to be blogging. I never realized how much I use the computer on a daily basis until it was gone.

I find inspiration for recipes on here (did you know that Kraft Canada has a terrific website full of gnarly-good stuff?), do all our banking, find curriculum ideas on weekly themes for the childcare business I have; so much that I was actually kind of lost for the 8 days we didn't have the computer. I must say, though, the house sure was clean! And all the laundry was washed, folded and put away! I've wondered lately how women 100 years ago had so many kids, kept their houses pristine, had dinner on the table every night, and worked in the fields... they didn't have a computer! Well, that, and they lived in a much different time where weekly playdates weren't organized off-site with other Mums, full-time secular employment was unheard of, and most families had at least one older child who helped look after the young ones when Mum was busy.

Okay, now that I've gone on about pretty much nothing, I will get to the task at hand. We had some family photos taken about a month ago now (it took a couple of weeks to get the CD from the photographer and then the computer died...) and I've been itching to share some with you all. (Should that be y'all?)

Unfortunately the photographer wasn't able to get any of just Kyle by himself because he was busy stuffing his face with my breast. The whole photo session lasted a couple of hours because it included Craig's parents and his 2 sisters with their families. By the time our family was done, Kyle was frantic to eat so I snuck away to the van and fed him in there. In this case, a bottle would have been far more convenient.

Computers Suck

2010-08-29T17:46:00.003-04:00

Since we were without a computer, I couldn't check anyone's comments on my last post. Foolishly, we decided to fix the Motherboard on this beast (it's actually not a beast; we only bought it not even 2 years ago but no warranty anymore :( ) and now everything is gone. If I had known we'd start from scratch with everything, we would have just went ahead and bought a new tower. We still have Windows but it's still Vista which is what we were running before - a new computer would have come with Windows 7; one of the hard drives isn't working AT ALL and it's the one with ALL my photos from when Ian was 4 months old until now, plus thousands of downloaded songs; there's no way we will ever be able to get that back unless we pay big bucks and go to a data recovery place. Thank everything holy that I regularly develop all our photos into hard copy and place them into albums so we're only missing some from early this summer, perhaps 20. Every single program and toolbar and whatever we had installed since we bought the computer is gone. Gone. Gone.

I have half a mind to say to hell with it all and go out and buy a Mac because this shit sucks.

Crossroads

2010-08-23T12:55:00.002-04:00

We're without a computer. This explains the absense of late. We're not sure whether we'll just buy a new tower and processor or if we'll fix the old one. It'll be hundreds of dollars no matter which way we go, the only difference being whether we want to spend $300 or $500. What would you do?

Two

2010-08-09T23:12:00.002-04:00

Dear Beanie,

I don't really know where to begin or how to put words to how I'm feeling. You turned 2 today. Two years ago today Daddy and I welcomed your slippery little self right in the very same room where you were first created. Your impatientness has never gone away, nor has your insistence to do things your own way, even if it's the hard way.

I joke with people that you're a shopping list of trouble; always getting into one thing or another, trying to help the grown-ups do big people stuff. Like the time you wanted to remove a toy motorcycle from its base so you dug through the junk drawer for a screwdriver and removed the screw all by yourself because you didn't want to wait for me to help you.

You still have a stubborn faux-hawk perched on the top of your head even though we've trimmed it and even buzzed your hair right down to the scalp.

You drag around your bankie, Meme, everywhere and announce to everyone he is, "My Meme!" Meme has been washed and sprayed and bleached. He's joined you in the sandbox, on the swings, in pillow forts and quiet cupboard hideouts. He's been known to wipe sticky peanut butter fingers and mop juice spills off the floor. He is your best friend but his tag is your favourite. In the beginning Meme had a tag that you would diligently pull to straighten before rubbing it gently on your nose. As the months passed, Meme's tag wound itself more tightly until one day you couldn't straighten it anymore. So you jammed the twisted end of Meme's tag up your nose. Now, while Meme is still precious, Meme's tag is what comforts you in your saddest moments.

You love to run and I love to watch your short little legs trotting so quickly from one room to the next.

When you smile your goofy smile and crinkle your nose, sigh, I just have to smile, too. You've learned it's a surefire way to get out of trouble.

I love how you're always the first one up in the morning and you quietly sneak into our room and grunt and huff and puff when trying to climb into our bed. And when you finally make it you squirm in between Daddy and I and pull the covers up over your head so we won't know you're there.

You say "mo-dee-dee" for motorcycle, and "hah-too-too" for helecopter. Shaun is Non-Non and Kyle is Tie-yo. I always giggle when you say you're going to Grampa and Grampa's house. Then when Shaun corrects you, you get so mad because, to you, you're saying it correctly.

You love getting tickled. If my hand brushes by your leg or arm, you'll pull up your shirt and say, "more tickles please, right here," pointing to your belly. I'll gently stroke your soft toddler skin, passing over the bruises on your legs from your latest adventures.

I love that you love oatmeal. And apples. And salad. And pizza. A boy after my own stomach.

I love listening to you after I've tucked you in as you sing to yourself and mumble rhymes that we chant and repeat to one another all day long. "...this little piggy had beef, one step, two steps, all the way home."

I love that writing this, thinking of you sleeping in your bed right now with your bum way up in the air and Meme wrapped around your neck, makes me cry. And not just little weeny tears. I'm crying big fat I Love You tears. The kind of tears I only reserve for My Boys. I know you were picked for us for a reason. To help me stop and remember why this job, being a Mum, is so wonderful.

You are my Beanie Butt. I love you so much my head spins. Thank you for choosing me to be your Mumma.

Can I Get a "Yes, Please!"

2010-08-06T22:51:00.002-04:00

It started as a financial thing, this whole makin' of the baby food, and has morphed into something much more fulfilling and satisfying.

The only thing Shaun ever ate as baby food that was out of a jar was some sort of wierd risotto concoction when we were camping the summer he turned 1. He hated it and I never bought a single jarred food after that.

Ian is a bit of a crunchy granola-type kid. He was born at home, has never tasted a jarred baby food, and prefers to walk around wearing nothing all day long. He's quite the sight running down the sidewalk chasing Shaun!

I was worried that I would have trouble finding time to make food for Kyle and I'll be the first to admit that he doesn't have nearly as much variety as the other boys had simply because of the time of year. Shaun and Ian had all kinds of wonderful fall squash and pumpkins, fresh applesauce made from apples we picked together that same day, beets and parsnips pureed together in a pretty pink mash. I finally sucked it up about a month ago and spent a few hours on a Saturday making baby food. Then I went to the library and grabbed First Meals for more of my favourite recipes I used for Ian.

Today Kyle was introduced to fish but not just plain fish. He enjoyed fresh tilapia fillets poached in orange juice with a sprinkling of cheddar cheese, pureed with steamed carrots and sweet potatoes. His expression said, "hell yeah!" so I tasted it and considered forfeiting my BBQ Italian sausage with mashed sweet potatoes and mesclun salad for some of Kyle's lunch; it was THAT good. Kid eats better than me and he doesn't even have any teeth! Well, one. But it's a stump still.

Old Habits Die Hard

2010-08-05T23:02:00.002-04:00

As a kid, my parents - my Mum, mostly - would tell me things. You know, typical parent stuff like, "if you keep crossing your eyes they're going to stay like that," and, "one day you'll run out of breath so you'd better stop talking." Most of it I never really believed and realized it was just a bunch of nonsense but some I actually believed and have kept with me until recently. Seriously.

I'm 29 years old for goodness sake and only this summer have I really began to think critically about some of the ridiculous things my Mum told me when I was a kid. For example, she insisted to me that I only use conditioner on the ends of my hair because otherwise, the roots would never be clean and my hair would be perpetually greasy. I only ever used conditioner on the ends of my hair until we had some family photos taken a couple of weeks ago. In preparation for the photos I decided to take a risk and condition all my hair *gasp* since it would need the extra moisture from blowdrying anyway. Amazingly, my hair looks healthy and shiny and isn't at all greasy.

The other thing she always told me was about my bras. I have a relatively large chest; even bigger when I'm breastfeeding or pregnant. So does she. She insisted to me that I wear bras that have absolutely no padding in them so as not to make my chest size any larger than it already was. I've been frustrated my whole life with sagging boobs and bras that don't fit quite right. My epiphany moment was while talking to a friend who also has big breasts. She told me that bras without padding are the worst for her because she just stretches them out within a dozen uses. The padded ones hold their shape much better and offer her far more support without creating a uni-boob. My Mum would just die knowing I wear padded bras... well, I will when the boob juice stops flowing.

Another strange myth that sticks in my mind is about makeup. I don't wear makeup but not because I never wanted to. When I was a teen I suffered from acne - like any teen - and went on birth control pills to help control it. At the time my doctor advised me to not use foundation or powder because it could clog my pores and cause irritation. My Mum convinced me that makeup of any kind would damage my skin. Eyeliner, mascara, blush; anything expect for oil-free moisturizer and suncreen had to be completely avoided. I believed her and so, never learned to use any of that stuff. Now I'm closing in on 30 and not only is the cosmetic aisle at the pharmacy overwhelming, I've never even worn foundation a single day in my life. Well, maybe that's a lie. I wore it for my wedding but that was thanks to my mother-in-law who did it for me. I'm positive my face will not break out into wild, angry zits the moment I put on any form of makeup.

There's so many other wierd things my Mum told me would happen that only now I am realizing were literally 'old wives' tales'. She was a country gal and maybe she learned all these things from her Mum. Wherever they came from, I can't believe I have 3 kids of my own and am only starting to think critically about these wild ideas.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

2010-08-04T22:44:00.003-04:00

Wow. Where to begin. As usual I have absolutely no time to be sitting here typing away and even less to upload the hundreds of photos from my camera onto the computer so I can share some of what we've been doing.

Three weeks and 20 hours after we started, we finally finished stripping the garage door in preparation for painting it. It was starting to crack with an aligator-type scaling pattern and I knew if we just painted over it, it would happen over and over again. I borrowed a heat stripper from a neighbour 2 doors down and worked for about an hour a day during nap time or after the kids went to bed. Craig worked, too, and we were able to finish it on Monday this week. Then today I repainted the whole thing. It looks so much better than it did and I'm so proud that we were able to start something so tedious and completely finish it.

Now that I have the painting bug I went out and bought more paint for the front door and the exterior trim and pillar. The front door had this one spot that was bubbled and split, exposing the galvanized metal underneath; plus it was the same colour as the garage which I know is a decorating No-No (ahh, what do I know, it was my Mum who told me that). So this afternoon I sanded the front door and washed it all down before painting it black. Yep, black. I've always wanted a black front door. I remember one house in the neighbourhood where I grew up had a black front door. I walked past that house every single day on the way to and from school from age 7 to 19 and promised myself that, one day, I'd have a black front door, too. Our house will be the envy of all the teenie-boppers who walk past on their way to the junior highschool down the street.

We went to Craig's uncle's cottage last weekend with Craig's parents and sisters, along with their families. It was generally uneventful aside from being put to work by Craig's uncle. It seems whenever we go up there we're assigned whatever job he's chosen for us. In the past it's been laying stone for the massive driveway, running pipe for in-ground sprinklers, laying sod, weeding the endless planting beds; this time it was putting down interlocking bricks on the staircase that winds down the side of the ridge to get to the beach. It was hard, heavy, dirty work and everyone worked like dogs. I appreciate that we're given the opportunity to stay at the cottage without charge but it feels like he's using us as free labor. I think I'd rather go to my family's cottage - which is far more humble than Craig's uncle's - and actually relax instead of favoring my sore hamstrings for 4 days.

The biggest news of all: Ian's potty trained! We started last week on Monday by taking away diapers during the day completely. There were a lot of pee accidents those first couple of days but he slowly learned to hold his pee for longer periods of time and by the time we drove to the cottage on Friday, Ian was holding his pee for over an hour. We stopped once on the 2 hour drive for him to pee and he remained dry through the whole weekend expect from one pee in his undies when he didn't quite make it to the potty on time. He's also been using the potty on his own a few times (so far it's nearly always us reminding him it's time to go). Pretty exciting stuff for a little guy who isn't quite even 2 years old yet. I'm so proud of him.

The most interesting thing is watching how much he's adapted to wearing underwear. Early last week he'd walk to the diaper basket in the playroom and pull one out and ask for it.

"Diaper on, Mumma, please. Right now."

It was hard to say no when he'd ask so nicely. He'd lay down on the carpet when I'd change Kyle's bum and ask for a diaper too. I've never seen him lay so still for a diaper change... ever. But we never gave in and Ian stayed in underwear during the day. Through pee accidents and poop explosions we consistenly wiped his bum and dug another pair of underwear out of the basket. Yesterday he got really mad when bedtime came and I tried to put a diaper on him.

"No diaper, Mumma! Unnies, these ones," as he pointed to a new pair of blue underwear plastered with little green tree frogs. I had to put the underwear over his diaper go get him to agree to wear it. He's still not able to stay dry through the night but staying dry all day has been a big step. Soon. Nighttime will come soon.

Pockets and Smells

2010-07-25T22:29:00.002-04:00

Ian has discovered that things have pockets. He searches for them in purses and diaper bags; digs through coats and sweaters; comments on strangers' pockets. Too many times I've heard a distant rattle coming from the laundry room only to discover upon opening the washing machine that a handful of stones has found its way out of his pockets and into the drum. I've also found half chewed granola bars, sucked-on mints from restaurants, dandelion flowers, dinky cars, Lego pieces, Crayola marker lids, stickers; you name it, it's been in Ian's pockets. Pockets are such an attraction these days that he refuses to wear anything that doesn't have them but will quickly agree to get dressed if you throw pockets into the equation. "Ian, it's time to put your clothes on. Guess what? Your shorts have... POCKETS!" And he'll come running.

Kyle continues to charm me. Maybe I've learned to enjoy my time with him now because in a way I feel like I missed out on a lot because of the PPD. Or maybe it's because deep down I know that he's going to be way too big way too fast - after I get through the next 7 years of NOs, WHYs, and BUTs. Perhaps since he's the very last one I want to savour every single moment and breathe in all his baby scent so maybe I'll be able to call upon the soothing smell when I'm old and mad that he's out past curfew. There's something about baby smell that just calms my soul. It's not even the bubbly water he soaks in for his bath, or the cream I lather into his chubby creases; he just has this smell. When he opens his mouth and his tongue passes by my nose, it leaves a wet spot that smells as sweet and clean as anything I could imagine. If I could bottle that scent I'd be a billionaire. Because everyone wants to be able to call upon pure, virgin, baby smell when they need it most: when life gets too hectic and we need a reminder of why we started on this journey so long ago. It's perfect.

Rabbit Lunch

2010-07-20T21:39:00.001-04:00

Today at lunch Ian was chatting away as he always does about cats milling around under his highchair waiting for something to drop, the city bus driving past our house, the fly buzzing on the window; then he said, "Look! Yellow rabbit." Hmm. Perhaps there was a rabbit in the backyard. I asked him where and he answered, "right here," and pointed to his plate of noodles in front of him.

Indeed, there's a yellow rabbit. Complete with a pepper grind eyeball. Is he freaking brilliant or what?

Here's the original so you can see what he saw:

Humor

2010-07-11T15:57:00.002-04:00

Shaun: Ian, do you want to smell my bum? *erupts into uncontrollable giggles*

Ian: *walks over to Shaun, bends down, smells Shaun's bum*

Shaun: *giggling so hard he can barely get the words out* Ian, I just farted and farts are made from poo. You smelled my poo!

Ian: *runs crying to me* Mumma, Non-non 'mell! Noooooo!

Free Collectible

2010-07-10T23:49:00.003-04:00

A talkative, smart, almost-five year old is free to a non-smoking home for a short-term arrangement.

He keeps his room neat and always places his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper. He loves Lego and playing out scenes as a pirate or a knight. He also has a fascination with snakes and dinosaurs but is terrified of blood of any kind: real or fake; his or someone else's. Fruits and most vegetables are a sure winner with him, whereas meat is hit and miss, and grains are a big 'nope'. Outside activities he enjoys include road hockey, golf, making bows and arrows, and building things in the sandbox with leaves and sticks. You'd be able to sleep in every day with him around because he's in bed before 8PM, doesn't wake up through the night, and sleeps at least 12 solid hours.

The potential family must be able to listen to him talk non-stop from morning until night; through mealtime, while on the toilet, while brushing teeth, during story time, when the radio is on... non stop. They also must be prepared to have their world revolve around him, as he constantly interrupts and insists on being THE center of attention at all times. He gets along really well with younger siblings but only while he's in charge.

Duration of the visit would depend on how much I miss him and how much I am longing for his return. Delivery can be arranged for a small charge. Clothing and his favourite toys will be included but will need to be returned with him.

I love him to death; he's my firstborn. I need some time to be reminded of WHY I love him. Having a few days without him would be beneficial.

This super deal won't last long. Contact me soon! ;)

Six Months - Part Deux

2010-07-08T21:10:00.002-04:00

I felt the need to commemorate Kyle's 6 month birthday but didn't have the time to actually say anything until now. And I think my attempt at doing something artistic with his first sitting-up photo is pitiful. Oh well. I can't be perfect at everything!

So, yes, Kyle's 6 months old and I'm six months away from being completely free from breastfeeding, pregnancy, hormones, labor, baby books, choosing a name, baby food, diapers... well, not diapers but that will come soon enough! I am done having children. Never have I felt it as strongly as I do at this moment. I have no doubt that 3 is the perfect number for me. It's been partially imposed on me since Craig has made sure to tell me that he will not be making any more babies, but also I know in my deepest thoughts that there are no more babies. And I'm okay with that. No, I'm great with that.

I had a brief - what shall we call it - waver, I guess, back when I was around 6 months pregnant with Kyle. Craig had always said that we could have as many kids as I wanted as long as we could financially support all of them. In my head I was thinking 5 but was only brave enough to chuckle about having 4 in front of him. I had all these schemes up my sleeve on how we were going to pay for this or that because I truly believed I was meant to be a mum to a brood of children. We were blessed with the ability to have children and have them turn out healthy (well, Ian's a complete nutball but that's for another post!) so who are we to decide when enough is enough. We are responsible parents, that's who. I'm positive we'd be able to continue to be financially secure with another child in the house, heck, another 2, even. But we'd be strapped and the kids would eat a lot of oatmeal and ham sandwiches and pasta. We'd never be able to do half of the things we've promised ourselves we will do with our kids and we certainly don't want to live like that. Three is a perfect number.

Do you know how I know? Well, I'll tell ya. I know because putting away the baby stuff as Kyle outgrows it doesn't make me sad. I'm washing it and removing all the stains just like I'd be using it on another baby, and folding it carefully before placing it into the bin, but then the bin is making its way to another family and all I can do is think about how cute their little guy will be in all those outfits. I'm taking pictures of the crib all put together because it'll be sold when Kyle's done using it. When something is put away I make sure the instructions are with it and package it all neatly so the eventual garage sale goes off without a hitch. Every milestone that Kyle reaches is really and truly the very last time I will see one of my babies do that for the first time, and that makes me happy. I have so many other milestones to look forward to that I can't even begin to feel sad about what I'm leaving behind.

It's like people hoarding things in their house because of the memories attached to them. The stuffed pig from the carnival that your dead uncle won for you playing Wack-A-Mole is not your uncle. The memory of your uncle will not disappear when the stuffed pig is gone. Same with the crib, the Moses Basket (oh, how I love that basket), the tiny newborn slippers, the Nuk soothers, the basket of washclothes beside the rocking chair to wipe spit up from nighttime feeds; it's all memories but it's also all stuff.

I feel lighter already having put away the playpen from the living room. Kyle's sturdy enough to sit without toppling now and the rest of the family has gotten quite used to him being around so there's not much risk of him being trampled. Not as much as when he was a newborn and Ian had only been walking for 3 months, anyway. The playpen, while it was great to use as a change station, it ended up collecting a lot of things that didn't belong in there once Kyle didn't nap in it anymore.

Back when I was still in high school I remember this radio program where they'd challenge a caller to find a secret item in their junk drawer. The item would be revealed on air while the caller was on hold and then they had to name off everything in their junk drawer within a time limit to win a prize. I have a junk drawer, believe it or not, and it's chockablock full of junk. So full that the playpen became my second junk drawer for things that were too big to fit in the official one. I would kick ass at that game if it were still on the air.

Hmm, funny, I started this post with all these thoughts in my head of how to update it for Kyle's semi-annual and I've succeeded at doing everything but.

He went for his shots and check up this morning:
Weight - a hefty 18 pounds, 14 ounces
Height - 27 1/2 inches long (tall?)

In comparison, Shaun was 1 and a half pounds lighter and Ian was 2 pounds lighter at the same age. Kyle's the size the other two were at 9 months old. The other two are beanpoles so it's going to interesting to see what happens to Kyle as he grows and becomes more active. I think he's going to have a Martin face but Jambor body structure, whereas Shaun and Ian look moreso like me and are lanky like Craig was as a kid. I tease Craig that he was skinny because he was malnourished and ate strawberry milkshakes (milk with a big scoop of strawberry jam stirred in) and raw hotdogs every day of the week.

Six Months

2010-07-05T23:28:00.007-04:00

Troll

2010-07-05T22:42:00.003-04:00

I think Shaun's trying to be a fierce knight here, given the knight's tunic he's wearing and the sword he's wielding. But I think he looks like a grumpy old troll!

My Happy Place

2010-06-29T00:28:00.003-04:00

It's late and I should be in bed because morning comes too soon around here these days. But I've been thinking. A lot. Thinking about where I am in my life and about all the things around me that have made me who I am. All the people that have come and gone who have left memories in my head. And places where I can close my eyes and imagine I am. Happy places.

The cottage.

One of my earliest memories is of the cottage. Summer meant weeks on end spent there. The musty smell when we'd open the front door, the sound of the curtains as they'd open and let the sunlight flood in, the sand in the beds, the sweltering attic that was always packed full of stacked old mattresses. I'd clambor up onto that stack and then launch myself off onto a pile of pillows I had dragged up from the living room.

As night would come the grown-ups would sit on the veranda with sweaty highballs and talk with hushed voices, while us kids would giggle and steal pink pistachios from the bowl on the kitchen table. We never figured out how our parents always knew we'd been stealing pistachios. Now I see my boys' pink fingertips. When one of the parents would stand to come inside I'd stiffen my body and press my eyes closed; holding my breath afraid to breathe in case they realized I was still awake. I know they must have heard us.

Outside there's this chair on the veranda. Painted so many times the screw heads have all but disappeared. Soft cushions cover the seat and back. When I sit in it I am just the perfect height to watch the water for hours over the railing and not have to move. As a kid I would bring my cross stitch projects to that chair. It has arms that are perfectly wide enough to balance a can of Coke on. There's a rug on the porch that is worn almost through in places. The fringe has been matted and tangled from the decades of families wiping their feet.

Inside, the walls are paneled with nails poking out of them where pictures once hung. Mirrors grace every wall and remind me that I haven't brushed my hair yet today and that I'm still in my pyjamas as the clock ticks toward noon. In one corner the wood stove sits idle, waiting for fall when we'll fill it up with logs to warm our frozen hands. A vase of white silk flowers stand erect on the kitchen table that is covered by an old bedspread with a jungle theme and tigers. My boys love the tiger tablecloth. I could show you all the old stains on it from when I was a little girl and my pink popsicle dribbled down my hand and soaked into the tiger's paw.

It's not a new cottage or an elegant, luxurious cottage. It stands on stilts that are slowly sinking into the earth, tilting the floors and forcing door jambs out of square. But this cottage that smells funny and is host to any number of creatures is also my happy place. Driving down the road that leads to the cottage, suddenly I feel lighter and breathe easier. My stress is gone. No longer do I think about laundry, email, or vegetables for dinner. No telephones ring because there aren't any. The television with rabbit ear antennae stays tucked against the wall. We can't find the remote and no one cares. There's no need to watch TV.

I share my happy place with my boys. Today on the way home Shaun was crying because he wanted to stay at the cottage forever. He has a happy place, too.

Gimme Food

2010-06-24T22:46:00.003-04:00

My baby is loving food and not of the liquid variety! Craig has taken on feeding him since I explained that I simply don't have time to devote to feeding a quality meal to an infant who is still learning how to keep food in his mouth. It's goes so well, in fact, that Kyle doesn't really like it when I feed him the odd time. I haven't figured out if it's the temperature of the food that isn't quite right or if I make it thicker/thinner than he prefers or if it's where the spoon is placed in his mouth. But I love that Craig enjoys feeding him and the two of them share about 10 minutes one-on-one each day over a bowl of baby food.

So far Kyle has had:

- iron-fortified oat cereal: he absolutely loves it, contrary to the expression his face which was right after his first bite ever; he was pretty surprised
- mashed avocado: not too crazy about it so he only ate it twice
- banana: can't get enough of it
- peaches: loves these, too
- iron-fortified mixed cereal with fruit: enjoys this, too, but not as much as the oat with some fresh fruit mixed in
- unsweetened applesauce: hated it, shuddered and cried!

Since this whole food thing is Craig's baby, I've been trying to keep my nose out of the whole thing. I've committed to making some fresh baby food this coming week that will include peas, sweet potato, carrots, and corn but the feeding part is all in Craig's hands. It's been SO nice being able to have fresh, local produce available for all the baby food! Ian and Shaun were starting food in the middle of winter and it was a challenge to find fresh ingredients so I ended up using a lot of frozen and steaming it straight out of the freezer.

I've reserved First Foods from the library, too. I used it for Ian and was able to find so many recipes that I would have never thought to make. One in particular that I remember had tilapia fillets poached in orange juice and mixed with cheese and pureed carrots. Not only did Ian enjoy it and eat it at every meal for a week, I ate it too! It was THAT good!

I'm in the middle of packing for our trip to the cottage and for whatever reason decided it was imperative I blog right this minute, but I really need to get back to my suitcase.

Bubbles

2010-06-20T20:18:00.002-04:00

Somehow Kyle has learned how to blow bubbles. Not just any bubbles, though. Big, spitty ones that dribble down his chin and lay to rest in his neck fat. Oh, how I love baby neck fat. I lean one way and he follows me by turning his head, leaving his neck wide open; and then I quickly switch back to the other side and nibble and munch on his warm baby fat while he screams and giggles and tries to push me away. We've always nibbled on the boys' necks but I think I enjoy Kyle's the most. He has the most baby neck fat.

Manipulation

2010-06-18T12:43:00.002-04:00

Shaun's been more difficult than normal recently. I don't know if it's because he's getting to an age where he's testing my boundaries (again - he did this around age 4, too) or if he's getting some of his attitude from peers at school. Perhaps it's a combination of many things. In any case, it's upsetting. Craig and I really try our best to model manners and politeness when speaking or doing. We think our example is more effective than lectures in most cases.

Shaun, though, has just been just a wanker. Last night he absolutely did not want a bath. It had only been 2 days but now that warmer weather is here and he's playing outside more and sweating, I think that a bath every day would be preferable but I'll settle for every other. He threw himself on the floor of his bedroom and cried big, crocodile tears. After a few minutes of listening to that along with him asking me why he had to take a bath when I had clearly explained the reason to him at dinner and then again when I called him upstairs, I'd had enough. I gave him to the count of 3 to get undressed and into the tub or he was going to get a swat on his behind. True to his personality where he loves to torture himself, he somehow had difficulty taking off his shirt of all things and ran out of time. That earned him a swift hand to his bum and straight into the tub he stomped. I washed him as quickly and efficiently as I could so that the torture of the bathtub wouldn't be drawn out and then the little shit got ANGRY when I told him to stand up so I could wrap him in a towel to take him out because he wanted to stay in longer.

Once he got out of the tub it was a long, drawn out battle for him to get dressed in his jammies but I held my tongue and didn't say a word. I continued helping Ian with his jammies and we picked a story to read together. Once he realized a story was involved, Shaun was sweet as pie: all smiles and crooning, "thanks for the bath Mom." I wasn't fooled. Shaun had to sit quietly in his top bunk while Ian and I read together in the bottom. Once we finished and I was tucking Ian in, I heard a shy, "sorry, Mom" muttered from above. I let him know that I was grateful for the apology and assured him that it was the right thing to do but also reminded him of his behaviour and said an apology now won't make up for how he was acting before. Then Shaun announced through sobs that I had made him cry because he wasn't allowed to sit with us for the story even though he was being good and had thanked me for the bath. I climbed the ladder to talk with him and again he was going through the motions of apologizing for his behaviour in the tub, adding in the request for a story on account of his recent good behaviour.

I kissed him goodnight and said that he can start a new day in the morning and hopefully his behaviour will earn him a story tonight. The only thing that's on his side is that it isn't a bath night.

Shaun's Great Day

2010-06-16T21:00:00.005-04:00

It felt like the clock was going backwards today. Every time I glanced at it I would have sworn it was later than what the clock was telling me. Not that it was an overly bad day but I had a headache because of the weather and Ian woke up early from his nap and was a little crusty all afternoon, so when it came time to plan dinner, I played Lego with the boys instead while Kyle napped.

A quarter-to-six rolled around and I still hadn't really thought of dinner. When I asked Shaun he said, "Kraft Dinner," so I complied. I didn't feel like having a fight about it. I hate Kraft Dinner and I hate even more that he loves it. I decided to throw in hotdogs just to make it extra unhealthy (might as well go whole hog, right?), while I made a salad for myself and warmed up some BBQ pork from lunchtime. I sent Shaun and Ian with the remote into the TV room and told them they could watch anything they wanted for the 10 minutes before dinner was ready.

When I finally called them at 6 o'clock, Shaun came running into the kitchen shouting that he smelled hotdogs. When he looked at his place setting and saw just what was for dinner, he exclaimed, "What a great day, Mom! I didn't spill any of my snack at school; I got to play Lego when I got home and you made me an airplane; we're having Kraft Dinner aaaaaaand hotdogs for supper and I got to watch whatever I wanted on TV aaaaaaand hold the remote."

Geez, what a rough life this kid's got if that's all it takes to qualify for a great day!

Thumb vs. Pacifier

2010-06-10T21:22:00.003-04:00

Shaun was a thumb-sucker. We tried and tried to get him to accept a soother but he wanted nothing to do with it. Personally, I don't think we tried hard enough or early enough. With all of his latch issues as a newborn, I was terrified to introduce something other than my breast and have it result in nipple confusion. So we didn't.

Then Ian came along and we promised one another that we weren't going to have another child who was a thumb-sucker. Shaun was 3 when Ian was born and he still sucked on his thumb at bedtime and occasionally during the day if he was watching TV or in the car if he was tired. We diligently replaced the suckie in Ian's mouth when he'd cry during a nap or in the middle of the night. We justified it because we realized he didn't really have a self-soothing technique other than the suckie. So, night after night we'd stumble into his room, feel around the crib in the dark and jam that thing back into his mouth before tiptoeing back out the door. We'd cross our fingers that it would be the last time and hope to sleep straight through 'til morning, only to have him wake up an hour later. Once we moved and the boys were in separate bedrooms, Ian was nearly 6 months old so we let him learn to put himself back to sleep (read: CIO). By then I was happy to put the pillow over my head because I knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with him. Eventually he learned to sleep right through, but only once we completely took away the suckie when he was 10 months old. Once there was nothing for him to lose, he had no reason to wake up searching for it.

Now Kyle's here. We have one thumb-sucker who was a brilliant sleeper because his thumb was always there. On the other hand, his thumb was always there. We have one suckie kid who was an awful sleeper until we took the suckie away. He's been sleeping through the night since then and doesn't drag a dirty suckie around with him everywhere. What do you think we decided to do for Kyle?

People we know who have 3 kids joke that 3 is the perfect number. They reason that you're always too firm with the first kid because you want them to be the best at everything and you have the time to help them BE the best, you're too leniant with the second because you've realized all your efforts with the first were for naught so you may as well throw caution to the wind and see what Nature does, that leaves the third child. By the time number 3 comes around, you've perfected pretty much every parenting dilemma and have seen the results of all your efforts (or lack thereof). Number 3 is supposed to be the one that's the easiest.

Not so!

Kyle has a suckie. He loves it. Thankfully, he's not allowed to use it any time other than when he's in bed but he practically has a stroke when he sees it. His arms and legs flail and he opens his mouth up so wide, you'd think he's a little bird and the suckie is a juicy, wiggly worm being dropped from my mouth. He loves it so much; even when he's in a sleep so deep I can vacuum in his room or lift up his arm and watch it flop to the bed without even so much as making him stir. Unfortunately, he loves it so much he wakes up and screams the moment it falls from his lips.

And I hate it. I hate that I have 4 of them. I hate that I have the next size sitting on a shelf in his room, that I can tell you exactly what colour he has in his mouth right now because I co-ordinate it to whatever he's wearing (because there's soooo many people who give a freaking damn), that there's a clip in his carseat so I can reach it without even having to turn around while driving. Most of all, I hate that I think he needs it. So, night after night, when he wakes up and cries, I stumble into his room and search in the dark crib for one elusive suckie that always seems to be underneath him or fallen to the floor against the wall and I tell him, "this is the last time I'm coming in here to give this to you."

I wish he was a thumb sucker.

Typical

2010-06-08T22:34:00.002-04:00

At any given moment, this is what the floor of my bedroom looks like: two loads waiting to be folded, one load waiting to be put away.

Or the floor of the living room: yet another 2 or 3 loads waiting patiently to be folded.

Or the floor of the laundry room: usually one load in the washer, one in the dryer, one waiting to be brought upstairs and one more waiting on the floor for its turn through the dizzy machine.

I am perpetually behind on laundry.

On Sunday I was a Good Mother. I changed all the bed linens, mine included, and remade all the beds. Shaun breathed deeply when he slipped his feet between his sheets and pushed them to the end of his bed and said his bed smelled like the sun. Somehow I felt like it was a better sleep than all the others. Clean sheets will do that to a person, you know.

Then Shaun came in our room this morning and said he had dribbled pee in his jammies. There was only a small amount on his sheets, Craig informed me this morning, but it was enough to have to wash the fitted sheet again. While I was stripping Shaun's bed, Craig started telling me about how he had woken up last night in the middle of the night and was completely soaked with sweat. So soaked, that he had to towel off and then place the towel on his side of the bed so he wasn't sleeping in damp sheets. So I changed our sheets, too.

Today I was not a Good Mother. I forgot about Shaun's bed and instead of putting new sheets on his bed at bedtime, I straightened out his top sheet and told him to lay there, promising to remake his bed in the morning. I still haven't remade my bed.

And I wonder why I'm always staring at a pile of laundry.

Five Months Old

2010-06-05T21:33:00.003-04:00

Kyle turns 5 months old tomorrow. I thought I'd be more sad to see him growing up. Perhaps, since I'm not, this means I am truly complete.

Cereal Part Two

2010-06-03T22:28:00.003-04:00

So cereal it will be. I haven't bought any yet because I just haven't had the time to get to the grocery store but I've decided it's the best for Kyle to start with. Plus, admittedly, I haven't had the chance to make any other baby food yet so cereal mixed with frozen breastmilk it is! I knew I'd use all the milk in the freezer eventually. I was actually saving it for the odd time I couldn't make it home in time for a feeding or when Kyle was with Melissa and the bottle was there as backup, but he's such a happy, content little guy; I've rarely even had to defrost a bottle and even then he's only just played with it.

My father-in-law retired last week. He's still quite young: 56 or something like that. If only Craig will be so lucky to be able to retire early like his father. The three siblings decided that in lieu of retirement gifts and a party we'll all pitch in to get a family photo done. If I had known how difficult it was going to be to decide on a photographer I never would have agreed. It started with Craig's 2 sisters and me making suggestions on who to use but it quickly became me stuck in the middle and having to choose sides. I finally put my foot down this morning and said I wanted nothing to do with choosing anymore. Let Craig and I know the time and place and we'll be there, providing it's within our budget - which was my only stipulation. I refuse to make this a war so I'll let the sisters duke it out on their own.

Cereal

2010-05-28T22:24:00.004-04:00

So I have some thoughts on cereal for Kyle. Third kid, you'd think I'd have it all worked out by now. Not so in my world.

Kyle's nearly 5 months old and I'm beginning to see signs that he's ready to start eating something more than breastmilk. He's interested in anything we're eating and is MAD when he has to sit in his little infant rocker on the floor instead of his Bumbo on the table while we're having a meal. I was hoping he would wait until Shaun's out of school in 4 weeks because frankly, it's far too busy around here to start something as detailed and time-consuming as cereal, but I don't think he can wait that long.

What are your thoughts on starting iron-fortified infant cereal first instead of going straight to veggies? Weigh in and I promise I won't chastise you!

My Boys

2010-05-27T22:05:00.002-04:00

Across

2010-05-24T23:55:00.004-04:00

There has been dark days. Days where all I wanted to do was find somewhere I could hide and be away. Away from everything. A dark bubble I could climb into where there was no phones or computers or kids or light or sound or anything; that I could zip up and just be gone until everything was back to normal and okay again. Not that I really knew what normal was. I just knew this wasn't normal.

Everything sent me over the edge. I tried desperately to control everything on the outside while inside I was falling apart. Nothing I could do ever felt like it was enough because there was always someone else who needed me and I wasn't allowed to need anyone. I held it together during the day but at night when I was alone I'd cry. Cry that I had to do this over and over again tomorrow. It was hopeless, I'd always feel like this, always be a hamster in a wheel doing the same things; never getting any further ahead with anything. I'd cry that I had to keep it all together for the kids during the day. Then night would come and so would the tears. I couldn't stop them. I'd shake with deep sobs, my face buried in my hands so the walls wouldn't see me cry.

Dawn would come and bring a new day full of promise. With it would come the darkness I had fought the day before. I'd continue on with my day with a smile on my face, pushing down the overwhelming sadness and hopelessness until I could ignore it no more. I knew my grey days were becoming dark days. I also knew that one day I wouldn't be able to claw my way out from the darkness anymore.

I got assertive and told people what I needed. At first it was stuff like, "turn your socks right side out before putting them in the laundry". Now, with the help of my husband and friends and a really terrific cognitive therapist, I can look back at those days and while I still remember what it feels like, I'm not there. I've come to the other side of depression. The side where I'm able to recognize how I'm feeling and clearly say what help I need.

I actually feel joy again. I feel like I can be happy, really happy. Almost like I've rediscovered whatever it was I misplaced back in the winter. And it feels so good. Because I've certainly missed being happy and I think my family has missed me.

A Little

2010-05-20T22:16:00.002-04:00

Kyle went to the doctor today for his 4 month check-up. A little late, since he's now 4 1/2 months, but this is the earliest they could get us in.

Weight: 16lbs, 14 oz
Length: 26 inches

Ninetieth percentile overall. I knew he was a porker! He's a whole pound bigger than Shaun was at the same age and a half pound bigger than Ian. Unbelievable, given that all three were the same exact weight at 2 months old: 13 lbs 6 oz. Kinda bizarre, really.

My little guy is learning to control his hands and regularly will grab things and turn them around to get a good look at them before stuffing them in his mouth. He's successfully been able to shove his whole fist into his mouth, much to Shaun's amazement. He announced one afternoon, "Mum, you've gotta see this! Kyle's got his whole arm in there!" While it wasn't his arm, I was shocked that Kyle was able to twist and contort his fat little fist into his gummy mouth.

He smiles at anyone who happens to look his way and keeps people behind us in the check-out line at the grocery store entertained with his grins and giggles while we empty our cart.

Kyle loves to be part of the action. He's happy sitting in his Bumbo up on the kitchen table watching the busy house around him. To his left is the playroom where Ian dumps baskets of cars and bins of Duplo, to his right is the living room where Shaun builds train tracks and pretends to be Spiderman. In the front is the kitchen where I dance along to silly kids' music in between washing dishes and refilling sippy cups.

He's a great eater, lasting only 3 hours between feedings before squawking for more. Naps are pretty much just over an hour long except for his fourth one around dinner, which is only about half an hour these days. I know he'll drop that one eventually once I start him on cereal but for now I enjoy eating without a baby staring me down. Kyle's starting to get really interested in whatever we're eating. He's tried to grab food in my hand while sitting in my lap a few times and Craig's told me that Kyle will reach for a coffee cup if it passes over his head. For now, Kyle is happy and content after eating so I'm not going to rush cereal.

He loves the Sleepy Wrap that my friend sent to me shortly after he was born. Every day when I walk to get Shaun at school I gently tuck him inside and push Ian in the stroller. I chat with Ian about what we're seeing and hearing and Kyle stares out, taking it all in; sometimes glancing up at me with a smile. Then Shaun comes running out when the bell rings and pauses to kiss Ian hello before tugging on my leg for me to bend down so he can kiss Kyle. I get a wave over the shoulder as he runs off to the playground with his friends.

I nurse Kyle under the maple tree and listen to the robins chirping at one another as they build their nest in the next tree. A plane flies overhead. Ian lifts his head from the sandbox to watch it and Kyle is distracted by the motion. Still latched on, he s t r e t c h e s his neck to watch his big brother for a moment until I tuck him back close to my skin.

More tomorrow...

Of the Creepy Crawly Kind

2010-05-20T21:09:00.002-04:00

It's spring and with it comes creatures of every kind. We spend our days scouring the backyard for any sign of little critters. On this day Shaun found a half dozen snails hiding in the periwinkle. While he was too afraid to hold one in his hand after watching it slime all over mine, he did place it on the steps and patiently wait for it to come out for a visit.

Pain in the Back

2010-05-12T07:43:00.003-04:00

Craig's been working in the backyard a little because we're hoping to build a deck eventually so he's been out there measuring and planning. Somehow he hurt his back on Friday last week. He came inside complaining that his back was hurting so I figured he'd just been working too hard and had some sore muscles. It continued all through the weekend and only progressively got worse instead of better. Yesterday he came home from work because he couldn't function. Originally I thought it was his sciatic nerve that was bothering him but after checking around on Google last night, we're wondering if it's a bulged disc. In any case, he couldn't get in to see the doctor today so he's on his way to Emergency at the hospital to have it looked at, hopefully get some x-rays taken and a note to be off work. His benefits plan pays 80% for workers' indemnity in cases like this so hopefully he won't be off too long. Bottom line, he needs to be healthy because we need him to work. Fingers crossed that it's something fixable... and fast.

Gone Too Soon

2010-05-09T21:39:00.006-04:00

I have a very sad story to tell. This is not something to read if you're in a good mood... or even if you're a little depressed, in fact. It's simply tragic but I feel I have to share.

Craig and I don't believe in co-sleeping. Occasionally I will bring Kyle into bed with me early in the morning and nurse him while I doze for an extra 15 or 20 minutes but he's never, ever, slept the whole night in our bed. None of our kids have. Partly because it's OUR bed. I don't sleep in their beds, why should they be allowed in our bed? Mostly because it's not safe. Everything I've ever read aboot co-sleeping says it isn't safe and I bite my tongue whenever someone I know tells me they co-sleep with their child. There's even things on the market now to keep baby separated from the parents if they still insist on co-sleeping. Some people just never think something tragic will happen to them.

Friends of Craig and I have friends who have a 10 week old daughter. Jane, our friend, feels like we do about co-sleeping so when she found out their friends were allowing their infant daughter to sleep in their bed, she voiced her opinion that it's just not a good idea. Stating reasons like, the child will never learn to soothe herself, how will you have a sex life with a baby in your bed, etc. It was all scoffed off because they like having their daughter in their bed and reason she won't be there when she's 15 so why not enjoy it while she's little. Besides, it's a lot easier to function during the day when you're sleeping at night.

Well, sadly, the very night Jane told her friends that, their 10 week old daughter died. In their bed. Right beside them. The mother smothered her daughter and when she woke up, her baby was dead. Cold, blue, cradled up against her skin right where she had tucked her the night before.

Today, Mother's Day, Jane and her husband had to attend a funeral for this beautiful, perfect little girl who died so needlessly. They had to hug this little girl's parents and apologize that she was taken from them too soon. They had to listen to her name being cried out by her mother and watch as her parents crumpled in a heap of sobs at the altar. And then they had to drive into the cemetary for a graveside service and watch the tiny casket be lowered 6 feet into the ground while everyone sobbed and buried this little girl with their tears.

So tragic, and so needless. It simply breaks my heart.

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T21:37:00.002-04:00

I think Father's Day should be before Mother's Day so that we can set the bar. Happy Mother's Day to everyone!

For the Love of Books

2010-05-05T22:26:00.004-04:00

He's reading! I can't believe that my baby is reading! This is one of the Snuggle Books Shaun's Kindergarten class brings home each day. There are no levels, no assigned books, and no set time frame that the children need to keep the books for. It's moreso like a free for all but the children are encouraged to choose one book each day. There's been some days where Shaun's forgotten to return his book and others where somehow he snuck a library book into the Snuggle Book bag but for the most part he's cooperated. The whole program is meant to be a casual and fun time that parents can spend with their child in hopes of making reading time fun rather than a stressful hassle.

The first few times Shaun brought a book home he refused to even try to read the title. Gradually he's been attempting more and more words in the books and lately has been reading the whole thing on his own. It seems once he gets the flow of these Early Readers, he picks up very quickly and just breezes through the book. I often have to remind him to point to each word so he doesn't skip over any - and that irritates him - and encourage him to sound out a word before giving up on it, but he really is reading.

The following video was taken this morning. It's the very first time Shaun's read this book.

Loss of Innocence

2010-05-04T21:29:00.002-04:00

Feast or famine when it comes to posts, huh?

Anyway...

I brag about our great neighbourhood to anyone who will listen. I don't lock the van and rarely lock the front door when I leave to pick up Shaun at school. Okay, admittedly, I rarely lock the front foor, period. Well, until I happily hopped into the van today and found precious keep-Mummy-sane coffee change strewn all over the front seat. Immediately I was irritated that Craig took some for his car and then left a mess. I tromped into the backyard and asked if he'd been in the van recently. "No," was his reply, but he thought perhaps it was Shaun digging through the drawer. He's been known to do that from time to time but has never left a mess. Then it hit me: It was some kid.

We live down the street and around the corner from a middle school (grades 6-8) and the sidewalk is bustling every day as all the kids walk to and from school. I'll bet some kid decided to check the door just for shits and giggles, or perhaps on a dare, and low and behold it was unlocked. And the change drawer had a slew of painfully collected loonies and toonies and even two 5 dollar bills. I hope he bought a lot of candy with that money. What else would a 13 year old do with $18?

What freaks me out the most is that I was probably HOME when this little turd raided the van. So now I lock the van doors and always, always lock the house. Stupid kids.

Health is for the... Healthy?

2010-05-04T16:46:00.003-04:00

We've been busy, to say the least. Ian has been fighting a wicked GI bug the last couple of days. Since 7:30 this morning he's thrown up 4 times and has gone through 10 diapers full of diarrhea. I told Craig, if this keeps up through the night tonight I'll bring him to the hospital tomorrow. I'm terrified he's getting seriously dehydrated because he can't keep anything down and refuses to drink the electrolyte stuff I bought him. Since Sunday morning he's literally had a few crackers and perhaps a sippy cup worth of apple juice mixed 50/50 with water. Poor guy was just getting over his wicked sinus infection combined with a horrible cough and now this. When will everyone here be healthy again???

LOL

2010-04-20T22:11:00.002-04:00

Kyle's 3 months old and up until now has basically just been giggling a little here and there. Never for me, of course. Up until last week he still hadn't laughed out loud. Then on Friday he did it! And I was able to scramble and grab the camera in time.