My First RE Visit

Must have been an evaporation line I saw last week because I got my period right on time Tuesday night. I was really hoping we'd go see Dr. Powers and be pregnant. But at least we have a plan now. If, come the new year I'm still not pregnant, then I'll start on Clomid to try and shorten my cycles. Clomid has the risk of cysts and also of multiples but we're not too worried about that - we just want a baby.

I also got an ultrasound at the RE and I actually got to see my polycystic ovaries. The unruptured follicles (I think that's what they're called) were black circles all over my ovaries. According to Dr. Powers, PCO does increase the risk of miscarriage but it's unknown the reason why and there's no way to cure PCO. We just have to hope that the next pregnancy turns out okay.

He reassured me that my risk for a third miscarriage is only a bit higher than it was for the second and my retroflexed uterus has nothing to do with the miscarriages or the long time to get pregnant. That's just how my body is. I still have a 70% chance of carrying the next baby to term, which is pretty good.

So we just keep trying...

I have a new contract with KW Hab. It's Tuesday and Thursday 8:45-10:45 up at Lakeshore Co-Op in Waterloo. I've never worked in a co-op centre before but I love the format and I've only been there 2 weeks. Each parent has such an interest in the program, the space and the kids. It's so nice to see! I'm working on Craig allowing me to send Shaun 1 morning a week. Wow, that'd be so cool. Actually maybe I should utilize the free programs at the Early Years Centre and the library. We don't exactly have extra money these days to put towards nursery school.

The carpets got cleaned yesterday and they look so good! I'm really happy with the job Rob did and we'll certainly have him back to do the basement eventually. Maybe when the next baby is born.

I've completely started over with Weight Watchers. I gained 10 pounds this summer and unless I lose that weight, I won't have any fall clothes to wear. I went out and bought a digital food scale and I'm committed to tracking... everything! Assuming I don't get pregnant until I start the Clomid (and I'm pretty positive I won't), that gives me 3 1/2 months to lose weight. I have to lose 10 but I'd love to lose 15 or even 20. I don't think 20 would be easily maintainable but 15 would be. That'd bring me down to 150. Wow, now that I put that in writing it makes it feel not so far away AND it seems within my reach. Plis, I did it before Shaun was born so absolutely I can do it again. No problem!

I made the WW soup a few days ago and I've been having that, about 1 cup, each day. And adding 2T parmesan on top. Yummy. That along with my food scale, staying within my pointsand tracking, the 15 pounds should come off no problem. YAY! I'm feeling so positive about this whole thing now. I guess that's why WW encourages us to write down our goals and our strategies to achieve these goals. So these are my strategies:

• I will stay within my points target by weighing and measuring all of my food
• I will keep track of everything
• I will drink 2 of my exercise bottles of water each day
• I will attend the meeting every week
• Once I return to goal I will weigh in at every meeting to help me stay on track

So, on that note, Shaun and I are going on a walk today to Walmart and Dollarama to pick up various things. If I expect him to be healthy I need to be too!

Another One??

I don't think I quite believe it but I took a test this morning and there was a freakin' line there! It was oh, so faint and I don't even know if Craig would be able to see it, but I did. I know it's there. And it has colour. I carried it around in my purse all day and pulled it out while stopped at traffic lights. It's there. I'm just terrified because I'm 13DPO. The line should be darker by now! Our appointment with the RE is on Wednesday so I'm going to take another on Wednesday morning. A digital so I know for sure.

I've been feeling crampy, like my period is going to come, for a couple of days. But this morning my temp was us; way up. Cautiously optimistic I suppose. A May baby would be amazing! Well, actually any baby would be amazing. At this point I seriously don't care when it's born.

So that's it. I'm pregnant again. 13DPO with a really faint line. I wonder - does it make a difference that the test is designed to be used only once you've missed your period? Maybe I implanted late so there's not enough hCG yet. Whatever. I'll certainly know by Wednesday morning. I think I'm going to die waiting.

The girls on BabyCenter are going to have kittens!!

Heartbreak #2

We've been busy lately and I've been distracted so my entries have sort of fallen by the wayside.

I lost the baby. July 26 I was getting the oil changed on the van and when I got home I was spotting. I called Dr. McKinnon right away but I inevitably miscarried the following day. It was so hard!! And I don't think I've even been so sad in my whole life. Melissa helped a lot with Shaun and Dr. McKinnon even sent a card in the mail.

Our plan of telling all the family wasn't as thrilling as we were expecting but everyone was sympathetic. Turns out that my Aunt Helen had a bunch of miscarriages before she got pregnant with Sydney and another one before Hayley. It's sort of a silent wound that women carry around and only reveal when someone else is going through the same thing.

We heard on the weekend that Karen and Jay are expecting their first. She's due only about a week after I would have been. At least we don't see them often because that would be a constant painful reminder. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that they are growing their family but I want to be doing that too!

I'm waiting to hear back from Susan regarding a new contract that is due to start next week. But I don't know any details about it yet.