I think I finally figured out what my problem is. I'm a perfectionist. I've found a couple of blogs recently where the thoughts are so profound and the writing style so unique that I just can't measure up to them. I fear that somehow through their blog tracker that they'll land back here at my blog and be appalled at my juvenile writing style and absense of any real paragraph structure and my misuse of hyphens and semi-colons. If I can't do it perfectly the first time, I figure I may as well not do it at all.
I don't feel like I have anything really thought provoking to contribute to the blogosphere and I'm not entirely convinced that people really want to hear about my day to day ramblings. I certainly don't, because I live it. I don't want to feel like I have to write about it; as if I have to find a concrete way to remember. Some things I'd rather forget, in fact.
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Okay, now that that's out of the way. We've had to go back to basics with Shaun. Like when he was still 2 years old basics. His attitude and saucy mouth have run their last marathon. I'm on a rampage to quarantine the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde that is my son.
Today he flipped out that I didn't give him the cup he wanted when I gave him a drink. He never actually TOLD me what cup he wanted so I gave him the one on the top of the stack in the cupboard. The whining continued and he was shouting and carrying on that he wanted the blue cup and I had given him the yellow. For the record, yellow is his favourite colour and he ALWAYS asks for yellow. So I sent him to his room and took away his buddies (the three stuffed toys who are his whole world and only true love). I told him to stay in there until I called him for dinner. I heard him about half an hour later calling to me from the bathroom. I told him I wasn't talking to him right them but that he could tell me at dinner. Fourty-five minutes from the time I sent him to his room, I called him for dinner. He met me in the hallway and said, "Mummy, I'm really, really sorry for talking so rude and having so much attitude." Well, what could I do? I melted, of course! I gave him a hug and said 'Thanks'. Shaun was happy and clapped his hands. "Now I can have Ted back!" he exclaimed.
Aha! That's why he apologized. Not because he was sorry and had learnt his lesson, but because he was manipulating me to get his buddies back. "Absolutely not," I told him. And then it was like he was a different little boy. His heartfelt apology was completely forgotten and he was back to whining and complaining about his cup, his fork being on the wrong side of his plate, the chicken being cut too big, the asparagus being yucky, the cucumbers being too cold, Ian being too loud and the house being too hot. On and on and on it went. And that was just at dinner. It had started when I picked him up at my Mum's this morning and continued until I sent him to bed.
I still read him a story because I believe it's really important to go to bed without being angry with one another but I'm not going to lie; it was really hard to watch him listening to story as if the whole day had just been dandy. He was fine until the last page when he started carrying on that he can't sleep without Ted and the rest of his buddies. He was crying that he apologized and I STILL didn't give them to him. My point was that while I appreciated the apology, he still needs to know that he can't speak to me like that and his consequence is losing his buddies. And if the attitude continues, he will lose them for longer than just a night as well as other priviliges like playing at his friend's house or riding his bike. He didn't seem to like those consequences too much. Hopefully I won't have to use them.
Was I too hard on him after he apologzed? I'd like to think NO because of the way he flipped when I told him he couldn't have Ted back. He was completely playing me and was angry when I called his bluff. But part of me thinks: he's only 3 1/2. An apology at this age is a big thing, especially if it's in his own words. And it really did seem heartfelt. He even *almost* cried.
I can't keep second guessing myself on stuff like this because I think that's where all these problems stemmed from in the first place. I'd say NO to something and he'd push and push and I'd decide it really wasn't worth the battle and give in. It started with little things like him using extra pillows on the couch or having one extra thing for snack in the morning. But I think that each time I let him get away with something like that after his persistent asking and complaining, I taught him that he just has to ask and whine enough and he'll get anything. And when I actually mean NO when I say NO he doesn't know when to quit whining about it because he thinks I'll eventually change my mind.
Well, today was a changing day in my life. I am going back to basics with Shaun. He will earn his priviliges and my word is the final word. No arguing, whining, or complaining about it or there will be consequences. Hopefully I'll have something more positive to post about the new techniques very soon.
3 comments:
You know, I'm the same way with my blogging. A lot of the blogs I read are so well written, and, like you said, thought-provoking. I feel like my writing is straight out a grade 2 writing book! But you know what, who cares. I created my blog to document things that our family are doing. I wanted a way to share stories and pictures for out of town family members so I don't have to send out a million emails all the time saying the same thing. And that's exactly what the blog is doing. Mark's relatives in Trinidad and England check the blog faithfully every morning while they have their coffee. My parents, who live only an hour from here and who I see all the time, are also constantly checking the blog. None of them care how well (or in my case how crappy) I write, they just like "being in the know". And I LOVE going back to old posts and remembering things that happened with the kids that I totally forgot about. Sure I can look at the same pictures in my picture folder, but to see the story written that accompanyed that pic is awesome!! Blog for YOU, and for those who want to know what happens in your life (like me!), not for those looking for some thought-provoking entry. Those who want to know, will stick around, and those who don't, well, who cares!
And as for Shaun, he sounds identical to my oldest. Around age 4 was when he left the "cute and somewhat obedient" stage and became a mouthy, attitude machine. I guess it comes with trying to have control in their life, and growing up. Nolan now being 6 and in Grade 1, it's getting tougher. He's influenced by others and it just plain sucks. You know your son best, and you know what your parenting style is and how you want him to behave. I've heard the whole "pick your battles" thing, but to me, sometimes it's giving in to them, which sets back everything you've worked at.
Anyways....hope all is much better this morning. Sorry for the novel I just wrote! LOL.
I think you DEFINATELY did the right thing! Good for you!
And I don't see anything wrong with writing about your day-to-day life. Maybe it is boring to you (or some others) but what about that one person that happens upon your blog and thinks "wow, I'm going through the same struggles as she is" and they really connect with you? The blogs of others help you, let your blog help others too!
I too get a bit jealous with the amazingly well written blogs, but I decided when I started mine that I wanted it to sound like me. Hence the squeeing and silliness and other stuff that is less than poetic.
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