Success

In all seriousness, I'm not sure what exactly I did but Ian slept through the night last night. Really. I gave him his regular dream feed at midnight and was upset that he didn't eat from both breasts, only one. I thought for sure he would be getting up around 3AM or so because he'd be starving. I heard him stir around 3:30 but I didn't get out of bed to go see him, figuring he'd be crying in a short time anyway. Then I heard him actually cry closer to 6AM and got out of bed with the intention of feeding him but his eyes weren't even open. I wasn't in the mood for another half feeding so I gave him his Suckie and snuggled him back up with his blanket and didn't hear from him again. I woke up in a panic at 8:34AM from the landscapers outside and almost didn't want to go check the crib; I thought for sure something terrible had happened. When I finally got up the nerve I tiptoed to his crib and found Ian fast asleep still with the Suckie in his mouth. And he was quietly snoring! Shaun was all stretched out in his bed too, like a starfish.

I crawled back into bed in disbelief that I was able to sleep so long! If this was a fluke I'm going to be seriously upset. What a mean trick to play on a fatigued mother!

In other news: Craig and I pow-wowed the other night about Shaun's behaviour. Up until recently, time outs and spankings (I can only count on one hand the number of times we've actually had to spank him) have worked to get Shaun back in line. Well, the saucy little man pushed me to the limit last week when Lisa, my sister-in-law, came to visit with her boys. He actually shot me! It was an imaginary gun that he created out of Lego but he's not allowed to play guns. When I told him that he told me "NO" and then when I said he was done playing with Lego since he was being saucy, he shot me. He pointed that little stick right at me and said "Pew". If I was in a better mood that night I probably would have gotten all dramatic and died right in front of him and then reminded him that guns hurt people so the Lego had to be used differently, but he had been testing me all day.

When Craig got home I shared the days' happenings and we thought we'd try a new line of discipline: grounding. The next morning after breakfast we had a family meeting and Craig and I explained the whole thing to Shaun - what grounding meant, when he would be grounded, and what he would be grounded from. That evening, Shaun got grounded. Again for being saucy (notice a trend?). He was grounded from TV for the whole next day. It was Saturday too so a long day for him to have to go without Bugs Bunny and Tweety and Super Why. His grounding included his Toopy and Binoo movie from the library too. He wasn't too happy about that. But he was able to keep himself busy and happy with his trucks and puzzles and didn't ask for TV once after we each reminded him that he was grounded for the previous evenings shenanigans. Since then he's been using his manners more and when Craig or I tell him to do something, he answers "Yes Mum" or "Yes Dad". Damn right you better answer with Yes!

No wonder my mum and dad grounded me so much when I was a kid. It sure does work!

Too Much?

It feels like I've been doing a lot of complaining in my posts of late. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mum and I honestly don't want to do anything else.

But sometimes I feel like I just can't do anything I want to do. I know that having children means sacrifices; I'm more than okay with that. In fact, I can't remember the last time I spent a day doing things ONLY for me. I got away a couple weekends ago to shop with a friend but it was to shop for fall clothes for Shaun. I didn't buy a single thing for myself. Okay, I didn't intend to make this a complaining post.

What I really want to say is, my idea of doing things for myself includes my husband and my children. And when even that fails, it's super frustrating.

It's All Falling Into Place

I knew it would get easier. It took a lot longer than I thought it would, and life still isn't where I would like it to be, but it's getting easier.

Ian is finally in a place where his schedule is somewhat predictible. We still have to put him back to sleep occasionally when he wakes halfway through his nap but 50% of the time he sleeps his whole nap through. That's a whole 50% better than even last week. It's a challenge to get him to sleep until 8AM; he's waking up at 6:30 or 7:00 crying like he's hungry but is only taking a couple mouthfuls of milk before drifting back to sleep. This morning I gave him his soother at 7AM (it took me getting out of bed 4 times before he actually held it in his mouth) and he went back to sleep until Big Brother made a social call and woke him up at 8. Oh well, better than waking up at 7 I suppose!

So Shaun and I schemed together last night before he went to bed and we made all these plans for a special date this morning. The plan was to leave Ian with Daddy and go to the library, TSC Store to check out some diggers, and then Dollarama to buy some much-needed craft supplies. The morning started out not so good: Shaun refused to eat his breakfast. On a normal morning I wouldn't have an issue with that because I'd just leave his breakfast on the counter and when he asked for a snack mid-morning I'd give it to him. Since we were going out I didn't have that luxury. Strike one against Mummy.

Once he finally ate his breakfast, he asked to go to TSC first. The plan was not to buy anything, just look. He knew that but still wanted to go there first. I wanted to head there last in case he had a fit at not buying anything but figured, 'he ate all his breakfast, let's go there first and start the morning out on a more positive note.' He ended up having a fit, of course, and we left the store with Shaun in a grump. Strike two against Mummy.

Next was the library. I played his favourite music in the van on the way to the library (Bananaphone by Raffi, and Spiderman by Erick Traplin) in hopes of lightening his mood and removing the cloud of grump that was hanging over his head. It wasn't to be. We quickly picked up our item on hold and left. There was no way I was going to try and find stories with a crabby 3 year old! He was being so crusty he didn't even want to sign out the hold item. It is Toopy and Binoo, a DVD movie that we've been waiting weeks for since it's so popular. He was furious that I signed it out after he said he didn't want it. In hind sight I should have left it at the library but I was thinking more towards later in the week when he decides he actually did want the movie afterall. So now he's even more miserable and I'm feeling not so chipper myself. Strike three against Mummy.

So we came home. There was no Dollarama trip and I promised myself that I won't plan a special morning with Shaun for a long, long time. It seems every time I plan to do something special with just me and him, it blows up in my face. The most special times we share are the ones that are spontaneous. So much for my type A personality trying to plan everything.

I Believe in Miracles

Just like the video says: I believe in miracles. I didn't want to believe it myself and came up with every single excuse why dairy wasn't the cause of Ian's fussiness. Well, I'm a believer. We did a trial on Tuesday night and I had a bowl of cereal before bed (THE best bowl ever since it had been so long) and then I had another one Wednesday morning. Throughout the night Ian had a bit of trouble settling but nothing that I really took notice in. But Wednesday morning he cried. And cried. He just couldn't settle. I gave my baby a sore tummy! And I was convinced. The remainder of Wednesday was back to dairy-free and by his evening nap he was back to the baby I knew he was capable of being. Hearing this song when I was thinking of one to link to made me chuckle. It's so appropriate for the situation: "where did you come from baby, how did you know I needed you?". It's just so perfect. I seriously DO need a happy baby so I can be a happy mummy.

So, dairy-free I will go at least for a couple of months. I'm not sure quite yet about yogurt or cheese but large amounts of milk definitely give him a belly ache. I picked up Calcium at the grocery store this morning to fill the void that no milk is leaving in my diet. At least it gives me 6 more Weight Watchers points to use during the day! I had to find something good in not drinking milk for 2 whole months. Yeash!

Just a comment about the song. Until I watched the original video of the band Hot Chocolate doing this song I never noticed the bongos tap-tapping in the background. They really do add a lot of depth and dimension to the song!

Kids and Firetrucks

Maybe it's the noise they make or the whole mystery surrounding who's inside and where they're going, but kids love firetrucks. Shaun's fascinated by them. Firetrucks take second place only to 'diggers' so they're a big thing in his life. This evening there was an Open House at the local fire station and I made a whole outing out of it. It didn't go off without a hitch but we had fun anyway.

I decided I would take the city bus with Shaun instead of drive the van because it's been ages since we took the bus somewhere. But I forgot to grab money out of the van before Craig left for work. I had to scrounge throughout the house looking for $5. Not easy when the biggest denomination of money is a quarter; only one. The rest was made up with dimes and nickels. I'm sure I looked like a real winner when I clambored on the bus with a handful of small change.

I also forgot to grab the stroller out of the van. No worries, I thought, I'll just put Ian in the Snugli. I ended up having to switch diaper bags to the backpack style so I had one less thing to worry about keeping track of since I didn't have the stroller. As a result I also forgot to transfer snacks for Shaun. I did remember to pack him a cup of milk, thank goodness for that because the BBQ that I thought was free, wasn't. Poor Shaun didn't eat lunch because he was being a stinker, was refused snack after his nap because he didn't eat lunch, and didn't get 'free' dinner at the fire station because, well, I didn't have money. If I had bought him a hamburger there then we would have been walking home. So he starved. When we finally got home just after 7PM he was delirious. I made him a peanut butter and jam sandwich because that was the quickest thing available. Then he had a handful of summer sausage, a yogurt, a pickle and a gigantic cup of milk. I felt terrible that he was so hungry. Maybe next time he'll eat his lunch when it's lunchtime!

All in all he had a terrific time. I'd post pictures but the battery on the camera was dead. Silly me left it on when I was uploading pictures last. He was able to sit in the cab of a truck and try on a fire fighters boots. They had a demonstration there of what happens when you pour water on a grease fire; he thought that he explosion was 'super cool' to use his words. Then he went inside a child-sized house that teaches children what to do in the event of a fire - crawl close to the floor, touch the door before opening it, climb out a window if you have to (are you remembering your fire safety week in elementary school now?). They even had a smoke machine in there that simulated a real fire. While he was scared in the beginning he was reassured by the (cute) firefighter (oh, did I just say that??) that it was only make believe and there wasn't a real fire. Then the ladder truck extended the ladder and we were able to watch them rappel from the end. On the way home Shaun said that he doesn't want to drive an excavator anymore when he's bigger. He wants to drive a fire truck. Whatever he wants is fine by me! Anything would be better than the operator for the kiddie helicopter ride that he wanted to be after we went to the fair on Sunday!

Big Kids

My friend Erika came over last night with her daughter, Jasmine, who turned 2 in May. Jasmine and Shaun had a great time playing house with Ian and even sat long enough for me to snap a couple photos. Obviously this is before the crying spell began! Our two babies look like such big kids next to the real baby. They grow up too fast!

One Month Old

Ian is a month old. I can't believe it was a month ago that my pregnancy ended. I would love to say that Ian is on a great schedule and that we're back to being a happy family, but I can't. I've been trying SO hard to get him into a good routine with eating and napping falling at the same time every day and he doesn't seem to want anything to do with that. Even his night time sleep is hit and miss at best. I feed him at 11:30 and some nights he'll sleep until 3:30AM but others he's up at 2AM and then again at 5AM. I just wish I could get some predictibility out of him. And our day begins at 8:00 in the morning. That's the way it's been since Shaun was born and the way I like it. We have such a routine with Shaun getting his once-daily cup of chocolate milk and then me making him oatmeal (yes, it's been the same breakfast for over a year and that's how he likes it) and him sitting in the living room to watch Super Why. But Ian never wakes up at 8:00 to eat. He's on his own schedule and in a house like this, that's not okay. He's giving me a run for my money that's for sure.

I had a friend come over with her daughter for dinner last night. Thank goodness because it was the worst night since Ian was born but more on that later. She seems to think I have too high expectations of Ian and that I'm being unrealistic. I keep comparing how Ian is to how Shaun was at the same age. I know that's not healthy because they're different children and they'll never be the same in all respects but can't they at least have the same schedule?! I'm doing everything the same. Ian just isn't 'getting' it the way Shaun did and that's frustrating.

So Ian seems to have a personal fussy period that begins around 4:30 and continues way too long into the evening. Last night it began at 4:30 and went until Craig came home early from work - after my begging - at 8:20 (thank goodness Erika was here until 7:30 because I would have gone bananas without any help!). Then Ian was quiet for about 10 minutes and it all started back up again and went on until 10:20 when I fed him. During that time I tried everything I could think of to try and settle him: rocking, singing, diaper changing, bed, talking, sitting, laying, nursing, everything. And nothing worked. He cried. And cried. And cried. I started thinking last night that maybe it's The C Word. I don't want to say it... Colic. Okay, I said it. I've read that colic is unexplained crying for at least 3 hours straight and happens at least 3 times a week. Well, Ian has cried 4 out of the last 6 nights for at least 3 hours. It all seems to fall around the same time too. I don't want to think that this may be the problem because I think that too many people self diagnose their child as having colic when in actuality it's just a fussy period of their day. But seriously, this was uncontrolable crying and it just went on and on. I'm dreading that hour of the day today.

I have some online friends who have suggested that it may be the dairy in my diet that's causing Ian's fussiness. I have a hard time believing that the dairy I'm eating is affecting the dairy Ian's drinking from me but I'm willing to try anything. This morning I had my last cup of milk for the next 48 hours. I'm also cutting out yogurt and cheese. Anyone who knows me well will say that my favourite drink is milk. I know, sad. But it is. How in the world am I going to go 48 hours without drinking the best drink on Earth?! I'm getting sad just thinking about it. But if giving up dairy for a time means Ian will be able to settle and the hours of crying will be lessened, I'm all for it. I will sacrifice my milk for the sake of my sanity.

Pipsqueak

We have a nickname for Shaun: it's Boogeyman. He knows it so well he'll tell random people in the mall that his 'real name is Shaun but Mummy and Daddy call me Boogeyman'. It's hilarious to hear him speak so adoringly of his nickname. He'll learn soon enough that we call him that not because of the scary 'Boogeyman under the bed' but because his finger is constantly in his nose. Yep, I bred a nose picker. I have pictures of him when he was only a year or so old with his fingers in his nose. Let me try and dig those out of the archives... Okay, so I lied. It's from May of 2007, so he was 20 months old. Anyway, his fingers seem to be magnetically drawn to his nose, even in public, which is SO embarassing! It used to be cute when he was, well, 20 months old but now it's just annoying and disgusting. Anywho, that's how he got his nickname.

I've fallen on a name for Ian too. I never really accepted that it was his nickname until I heard Shaun and Craig call him it this morning. When he was born, since he was so much smaller than Shaun, I started calling him my Pipsqueak. Then, as nursing became more established, we learned that he squeaks when he's nursing really well. And not just any old squeak. It's loud! And annoying! And I love it! And Pipsqueak fits him perfectly: for his size and his squeak. Although I don't know how long I'll be able to think of him as a Pipsqueak. He got weighed this morning: 10 pounds, 2 ounces!!

He's a Stinker!

I've been working tirelessly on trying to get Ian on a schedule for my own peace of mind but also so that we can have a bit of predictablity in our day. He's such a stinker: he's having none of that!

When I try and put him on a 2 1/2 hour routine he decides he only needs to be fed every 3 hours. So the next day I'll switch to a 3 hour routine and then Ian will be starving at only 2 1/2 hours. I fed on demand for the first 2 weeks while I was trying to establish my supply and Ian was still learning the whole booby thing. I'm beginning to wonder if his resistance is more related to his weight than his temperament.

Shaun was born at one week overdue so Ian's adjusted age compared to Shaun is still only 2 weeks. And Shaun was more than 2 pounds heavier at birth than Ian and thus able to go longer between feedings. Maybe I'm being unreasonable in thinking that Ian should be on a flexible schedule but I really need to have some sort of order in my day! I loved being able to know when Shaun would be eating later in the day simply by the time he woke up in the morning - woke up at 9AM, then he'd be eating every 3 hours from then. No exceptions. Shaun thrived on a schedule. Ian - not so much just yet.

I'll give it time. He's still only 3 weeks old. I'm just hoping it doesn't take much longer...

Growing the Family

My whole life I've imagined taking pictures of my children while they're laying on a blanket and I'm hovering over them waiting for the perfect shot. Not that this one is 'perfect' in the sense that a photographer would be proud of it but I LOVE it! My boys are everything to me and I'm fulfilling my childhood dream of taking a picture of my growing family. My whole life all I wanted to be was a mum and now I'm able to do that. How many people can honestly say that their job today is what they've wanted to be for their whole life? I remember as a girl when we would be asked what we wanted to be when we grew up I'd always say a mum. Most of my teachers at the time would comment something like, 'you can be a mum, but what else do you want to do?' Nope, I never bit. I always wanted to be a mum and that was it. What a life I have!!!

Am I Completely Sick?

I set up Shaun with some water colour paints to try and pass some of the morning away and then when he seemed to be busy and content I quickly ran down the basement to fuss with the laundry. When I came back upstairs to the kitchen there was Shaun with his paintbrush in hand and he was painted head to toe with black paint and there were stripes of black paint all over the floor. THEN I saw the wall! He's never, ever drawn, painted, scratched, not so much as smudged dirty fingers on the walls. And here he had painted black all over my kitchen wall! I shouted for Craig to come and see and then sent Shaun to the stairs for a timeout. Craig had the forethought to bring Shaun to the tub instead of allowing him to sit on the stairs since he was covered with black paint and our carpets are white, thank goodness! I stayed in the kitchen to wipe up the mess. As I was cleaning I kept finding more and more spots. I have no freaking idea how Shaun managed to get so many black paint spots in so many places in so little time, but he genuinely apologized when he came down after his bath so I couldn't be angry at him any longer. I'm just thankful that this is the very first time he's ever done a thing like this. Hopefully it'll be the last!

At least it was washable paint! Thank you Crayola!!!

Is it completely sick that the first thing I thought of after sending Shaun to timeout was to take a picture? ;)

Sticker Fun

A while ago I bought a huge tub of foam stickers. They were from the dollar store and it was a tub of 'seconds' so not every letter/number/animal is shaped correctly and sometimes you can't even make out what the shape is supposed to be. But Shaun doesn't mind and he always has a great time filling his paper with colourful foam stickers whenever I pull out the tub.

Today he filled up the paper and then decided he was going to make them into tattoos and went ahead with covering his body with his foam tattoos. He ended up with tattoos on all his extremities, including his bum cheeks! Just as long as they're removable...

[aside] Yeah, at the local hospital it's only $550 to have a tattoo removed by a laser treatment.

Family

I've always appreciated my family. Not just my immediate family - brother, sister, parents - but my extended family too. Never as much though, as once I had children. Something about becoming a parent made me realize how important the love and support from family really is. We just spent a weekend at my side's cottage for a family reunion and I couldn't have enjoyed my time more. Man, I love those people!!!

My brother-in-law Wes. He's going to be a new Daddy for the first time in October. He got a lot of practice with Ian while at the cottage!
How many men does it take to dig a hold beside a well? Wes, my dad, Craig and my Grandpa all pow-wow'd how best to dig, and then fill, a trench. Hmmm.

My mum enjoying a snuggle with Ian. I was floored that he had such a hold on his thumb. Shaun's an avid thumb-sucker but we've been putting forward a really valiant effort to get Ian to take a soother. Guess desperate times call for desperate measures.

My dear ol' Grandpa. The man is 86 years old and just recently we caught him on the roof of the shed at the cottage sweeping the leaves off it!!

Certainly not the most becoming picture of me. I yelled at Craig when I saw this for not tellingme to at least sit up straight! The slouching puts on at least 20 pounds, honest! My cousin Natasha just came back from a 5 1/2 week working tour of Jamaica and Trinidad and we were going over her photos.

Dad and Wes examining the ribs on the BBQ. I'm not a rib lover but man, those ribs sure were yummy!

Just Quickly Between Boobs

Ian is one week old and we couldn't be happier. He's a dream and Shaun is completely in love with his new little brother. I thought I'd post a couple of photos while I have a moment between boobs. A one week old eats a lot!

Ian's first bath. He loved the warm water and was bobbing around like a cork. It really was funny! The water is a greenish colour because my midwife gave me an herbal concoction to add to the bath water that is supposed to promote healing of the cord stump and help heal me quicker too. I just liked sharing a warm bath with my newborn.

Craig and Ian enjoying the Olympics together. Well, 'enjoying' in their sort of way.

Who said that babies only smile around 3 weeks old? I wish I hadn't missed the big gumm-y smile he gave me before this photo was taken. It was a smile that just makes one melt, even if it is from gas.

Ahh Shaun, forever the entertainer of the family!

21 Minutes Overdue and We're a Family of 4

Okay, here goes.

I started getting contractions around 7:30 PM while Craig had Shaun in the shower. They were about 7 mins apart but I wasn't having to work through them at all so didn't think too much. Just figured it was false labor... again. I finished up the dinner dishes and played around on the computer for a while.

Around 9:30 PM I told Craig I thought I may be in labor but to wait and see what happened in the next little while. I still wasn't having what I thought should be 'working' contractions. By now they're 5 mins apart.

By 10:30 I had Craig call Pooja, my midwife. She offered to come here to the house to check me but I was still joking around between contractions and they were coming as a strong one, then a weak one so still not serious. I didn't want her to waste her time coming just to tell me it wasn't true labor. We agree to meet at the hospital once my contractions are 3 mins since my intention was to labor at home as long as possible.

11:00 Pooja calls back and says she's coming to the house anyway. She reasons that Craig sounded more serious on the phone than I did and she wanted to know how far dilated I was. I tell Craig to call the family and tell them I'm in labor then I jump in the tub to try and get some relief.

11:30 Pooja arrives and I'm really having to work through the strong contractions but I'm still getting a pretty good break between them. By now I'm out of the tub and Craig is running around gathering everything to put in the van to head to the hospital. She wants to check me right away and I joke with her that if I haven't made any progress from the 4cm I was on Tuesday that I'm going to slap her. She checks me and says "we're not going". I almost cried: that meant nothing was going on; no progress. Craig came into the bedroom and Pooja told him the same thing then asked him to find something plastic to put on the bed because I was 9cm. We weren't going to the hospital. I panicked.

Around midnight the back-up midwife arrived and she and Pooja finished setting up their stuff. In the meantime Craig and I had remade the bed with the shower curtain protecting the mattress. As soon as I laid back down I felt the urge to push. I gave 3 not-so-good pushes and then my body remembered how to actually do it. Three more good pushes and Ian was here at 12:21 AM, 21 minutes overdue.

I ended up having a minor tear that needed 2 stitches. Ian nursed right away and I got to hold him for a full 30 minutes before anyone took him off my chest: while birthing the placenta and getting stitched. My parents arrived about 5 minutes after he was born (they were driving in from an hour away to be with Shaun while we went to the hospital). Shaun slept through the whole thing and Craig woke him up at 1:30 AM to meet his new baby brother.

My next birth will undoubtedly be another homebirth although next time we'll plan it that way.

On a Brighter Note:

With all the negativity from that 40 week post I thought I'd add a little sunshine to my blog today.

We had a terrific time at Craig's uncle's cottage. It's a Martin family tradition to head up there on the first long weekend in August. We took a chance with my due date looming and went up anyway. It was completely relaxing and Shaun really enjoyed being able to play with all his cousins. Next year there will be a 1 year old toddling around trying to play with the big kids. Hard to believe...

40 Weeks

Honestly, never in a million years would I have thought that I'd make it to 40 weeks this time. Isn't that the rule? That subsequent babies are early? That's what I've been told. At least on time for heaven's sake! Shaun was 8 days overdue. Okay, I can handle that. He WAS a first baby afterall. But Shaun was HUGE, and made a HUGE path for this baby. I'm already 4cm dilated. This baby should be falling out of me by now! My mucus plug came out over a week ago. I've thought I was in labor twice. Yep, twice. Contractions never increased in strength though and never got closer than 8 minutes apart. Enough is enough with all the mean tricks my body is playing on me. I'll bet the baby is just giggling hysterically inside me saying, "jokes on you again mum! You walked for an hour in the middle of the night last night for nothing. But thanks for lulling me back to sleep!"

I have another appointment with my midwife early next week to talk about what we do next. Craig's already wasted a whole week of holidays. I'm terrified that he'll end up wasting another week waiting. The house is so clean because every time I think I may be in labor I try my best to stay on my feet to keep the contractions coming. I don't think the living room has been dusted or vacuumed so frequently since the beginning of time. I keep trying to tell myself that labor will start when my body and the baby are ready but come on! This waiting game is killing me. And the contractions - I just wish I wouldn't get a single one until labor really began. That way I'd know for sure and could stop wasting my time and energy with all this walking. All I can say is if I've gained more than a pound by my appointment next week I'm going to be seriously ticked!

A Tea Party

Craig and I really enjoy tea. Various kinds, it doesn't really matter, we just like tea. Not as much as coffee, mind you, nonono, but we like tea.

The other day (the same day I was in such a funk) I was doing dishes and Shaun was hanging around like he usually does. Occasionally I'll let him climb up on a chair beside me while I'm washing and he'll play in the water for a while. Lately since my belly has been getting so big, oh you didn't notice??, he hasn't been able to do dishes with mummy. So this day I set him up at his own little table with a small container of water and a few smaller mugs and cups and scoops so he could do his own dishes. He ended up having a tea party - my boy! I've never had a tea party with him and neither has Craig. Is this just one of those intrinsic things that kids do but don't know why they do it? I was dumbfounded. He knows we drink tea but we drink far more coffee. Why didn't he have a coffee party or do the dishes, which was my original plan for the water-play? Childhood and more relevently, parenthood, is such a mystery to me so much of the time. It's a wonder I'm not circling around in a daze all day long trying to figure out why things happen the way they do!

38 Weeks

I'm really late in posting this photo but you get the idea: I'm still pregnant. I'm also in a gigantic grump today but have a cute story and picture of Shaun. I'll get to that when I'm feeling more positive and blessed to me a mum.

For now I need ice cream and a nap!

ACK! Full Term!

Okay, 37 weeks. So that means full term... baby can come anytime and should be okay. Know what that also means? It's time to panic. Yep, I'm panicking. I don't feel ready to be a mum of 2! It's funny because we tried for 19 months for this baby and suffered 2 losses in that time and when we finally got to see the first ultrasound of this baby I felt nothing but relief that we'd finally be expanding our family. But now that we're so close to becoming a family of 4 I'm not convinced I'm ready.

I know once I see this baby and we bring it home that I'll try to remember what it was like as a family of only 3 but for now I try to imagine what it will be like as 4 and I get this flip-flop in my stomach. What have we done?!