One Month Old

Ian is a month old. I can't believe it was a month ago that my pregnancy ended. I would love to say that Ian is on a great schedule and that we're back to being a happy family, but I can't. I've been trying SO hard to get him into a good routine with eating and napping falling at the same time every day and he doesn't seem to want anything to do with that. Even his night time sleep is hit and miss at best. I feed him at 11:30 and some nights he'll sleep until 3:30AM but others he's up at 2AM and then again at 5AM. I just wish I could get some predictibility out of him. And our day begins at 8:00 in the morning. That's the way it's been since Shaun was born and the way I like it. We have such a routine with Shaun getting his once-daily cup of chocolate milk and then me making him oatmeal (yes, it's been the same breakfast for over a year and that's how he likes it) and him sitting in the living room to watch Super Why. But Ian never wakes up at 8:00 to eat. He's on his own schedule and in a house like this, that's not okay. He's giving me a run for my money that's for sure.

I had a friend come over with her daughter for dinner last night. Thank goodness because it was the worst night since Ian was born but more on that later. She seems to think I have too high expectations of Ian and that I'm being unrealistic. I keep comparing how Ian is to how Shaun was at the same age. I know that's not healthy because they're different children and they'll never be the same in all respects but can't they at least have the same schedule?! I'm doing everything the same. Ian just isn't 'getting' it the way Shaun did and that's frustrating.

So Ian seems to have a personal fussy period that begins around 4:30 and continues way too long into the evening. Last night it began at 4:30 and went until Craig came home early from work - after my begging - at 8:20 (thank goodness Erika was here until 7:30 because I would have gone bananas without any help!). Then Ian was quiet for about 10 minutes and it all started back up again and went on until 10:20 when I fed him. During that time I tried everything I could think of to try and settle him: rocking, singing, diaper changing, bed, talking, sitting, laying, nursing, everything. And nothing worked. He cried. And cried. And cried. I started thinking last night that maybe it's The C Word. I don't want to say it... Colic. Okay, I said it. I've read that colic is unexplained crying for at least 3 hours straight and happens at least 3 times a week. Well, Ian has cried 4 out of the last 6 nights for at least 3 hours. It all seems to fall around the same time too. I don't want to think that this may be the problem because I think that too many people self diagnose their child as having colic when in actuality it's just a fussy period of their day. But seriously, this was uncontrolable crying and it just went on and on. I'm dreading that hour of the day today.

I have some online friends who have suggested that it may be the dairy in my diet that's causing Ian's fussiness. I have a hard time believing that the dairy I'm eating is affecting the dairy Ian's drinking from me but I'm willing to try anything. This morning I had my last cup of milk for the next 48 hours. I'm also cutting out yogurt and cheese. Anyone who knows me well will say that my favourite drink is milk. I know, sad. But it is. How in the world am I going to go 48 hours without drinking the best drink on Earth?! I'm getting sad just thinking about it. But if giving up dairy for a time means Ian will be able to settle and the hours of crying will be lessened, I'm all for it. I will sacrifice my milk for the sake of my sanity.

Pipsqueak

We have a nickname for Shaun: it's Boogeyman. He knows it so well he'll tell random people in the mall that his 'real name is Shaun but Mummy and Daddy call me Boogeyman'. It's hilarious to hear him speak so adoringly of his nickname. He'll learn soon enough that we call him that not because of the scary 'Boogeyman under the bed' but because his finger is constantly in his nose. Yep, I bred a nose picker. I have pictures of him when he was only a year or so old with his fingers in his nose. Let me try and dig those out of the archives... Okay, so I lied. It's from May of 2007, so he was 20 months old. Anyway, his fingers seem to be magnetically drawn to his nose, even in public, which is SO embarassing! It used to be cute when he was, well, 20 months old but now it's just annoying and disgusting. Anywho, that's how he got his nickname.

I've fallen on a name for Ian too. I never really accepted that it was his nickname until I heard Shaun and Craig call him it this morning. When he was born, since he was so much smaller than Shaun, I started calling him my Pipsqueak. Then, as nursing became more established, we learned that he squeaks when he's nursing really well. And not just any old squeak. It's loud! And annoying! And I love it! And Pipsqueak fits him perfectly: for his size and his squeak. Although I don't know how long I'll be able to think of him as a Pipsqueak. He got weighed this morning: 10 pounds, 2 ounces!!

He's a Stinker!

I've been working tirelessly on trying to get Ian on a schedule for my own peace of mind but also so that we can have a bit of predictablity in our day. He's such a stinker: he's having none of that!

When I try and put him on a 2 1/2 hour routine he decides he only needs to be fed every 3 hours. So the next day I'll switch to a 3 hour routine and then Ian will be starving at only 2 1/2 hours. I fed on demand for the first 2 weeks while I was trying to establish my supply and Ian was still learning the whole booby thing. I'm beginning to wonder if his resistance is more related to his weight than his temperament.

Shaun was born at one week overdue so Ian's adjusted age compared to Shaun is still only 2 weeks. And Shaun was more than 2 pounds heavier at birth than Ian and thus able to go longer between feedings. Maybe I'm being unreasonable in thinking that Ian should be on a flexible schedule but I really need to have some sort of order in my day! I loved being able to know when Shaun would be eating later in the day simply by the time he woke up in the morning - woke up at 9AM, then he'd be eating every 3 hours from then. No exceptions. Shaun thrived on a schedule. Ian - not so much just yet.

I'll give it time. He's still only 3 weeks old. I'm just hoping it doesn't take much longer...

Growing the Family

My whole life I've imagined taking pictures of my children while they're laying on a blanket and I'm hovering over them waiting for the perfect shot. Not that this one is 'perfect' in the sense that a photographer would be proud of it but I LOVE it! My boys are everything to me and I'm fulfilling my childhood dream of taking a picture of my growing family. My whole life all I wanted to be was a mum and now I'm able to do that. How many people can honestly say that their job today is what they've wanted to be for their whole life? I remember as a girl when we would be asked what we wanted to be when we grew up I'd always say a mum. Most of my teachers at the time would comment something like, 'you can be a mum, but what else do you want to do?' Nope, I never bit. I always wanted to be a mum and that was it. What a life I have!!!

Am I Completely Sick?

I set up Shaun with some water colour paints to try and pass some of the morning away and then when he seemed to be busy and content I quickly ran down the basement to fuss with the laundry. When I came back upstairs to the kitchen there was Shaun with his paintbrush in hand and he was painted head to toe with black paint and there were stripes of black paint all over the floor. THEN I saw the wall! He's never, ever drawn, painted, scratched, not so much as smudged dirty fingers on the walls. And here he had painted black all over my kitchen wall! I shouted for Craig to come and see and then sent Shaun to the stairs for a timeout. Craig had the forethought to bring Shaun to the tub instead of allowing him to sit on the stairs since he was covered with black paint and our carpets are white, thank goodness! I stayed in the kitchen to wipe up the mess. As I was cleaning I kept finding more and more spots. I have no freaking idea how Shaun managed to get so many black paint spots in so many places in so little time, but he genuinely apologized when he came down after his bath so I couldn't be angry at him any longer. I'm just thankful that this is the very first time he's ever done a thing like this. Hopefully it'll be the last!

At least it was washable paint! Thank you Crayola!!!

Is it completely sick that the first thing I thought of after sending Shaun to timeout was to take a picture? ;)

Sticker Fun

A while ago I bought a huge tub of foam stickers. They were from the dollar store and it was a tub of 'seconds' so not every letter/number/animal is shaped correctly and sometimes you can't even make out what the shape is supposed to be. But Shaun doesn't mind and he always has a great time filling his paper with colourful foam stickers whenever I pull out the tub.

Today he filled up the paper and then decided he was going to make them into tattoos and went ahead with covering his body with his foam tattoos. He ended up with tattoos on all his extremities, including his bum cheeks! Just as long as they're removable...

[aside] Yeah, at the local hospital it's only $550 to have a tattoo removed by a laser treatment.

Family

I've always appreciated my family. Not just my immediate family - brother, sister, parents - but my extended family too. Never as much though, as once I had children. Something about becoming a parent made me realize how important the love and support from family really is. We just spent a weekend at my side's cottage for a family reunion and I couldn't have enjoyed my time more. Man, I love those people!!!

My brother-in-law Wes. He's going to be a new Daddy for the first time in October. He got a lot of practice with Ian while at the cottage!
How many men does it take to dig a hold beside a well? Wes, my dad, Craig and my Grandpa all pow-wow'd how best to dig, and then fill, a trench. Hmmm.

My mum enjoying a snuggle with Ian. I was floored that he had such a hold on his thumb. Shaun's an avid thumb-sucker but we've been putting forward a really valiant effort to get Ian to take a soother. Guess desperate times call for desperate measures.

My dear ol' Grandpa. The man is 86 years old and just recently we caught him on the roof of the shed at the cottage sweeping the leaves off it!!

Certainly not the most becoming picture of me. I yelled at Craig when I saw this for not tellingme to at least sit up straight! The slouching puts on at least 20 pounds, honest! My cousin Natasha just came back from a 5 1/2 week working tour of Jamaica and Trinidad and we were going over her photos.

Dad and Wes examining the ribs on the BBQ. I'm not a rib lover but man, those ribs sure were yummy!

Just Quickly Between Boobs

Ian is one week old and we couldn't be happier. He's a dream and Shaun is completely in love with his new little brother. I thought I'd post a couple of photos while I have a moment between boobs. A one week old eats a lot!

Ian's first bath. He loved the warm water and was bobbing around like a cork. It really was funny! The water is a greenish colour because my midwife gave me an herbal concoction to add to the bath water that is supposed to promote healing of the cord stump and help heal me quicker too. I just liked sharing a warm bath with my newborn.

Craig and Ian enjoying the Olympics together. Well, 'enjoying' in their sort of way.

Who said that babies only smile around 3 weeks old? I wish I hadn't missed the big gumm-y smile he gave me before this photo was taken. It was a smile that just makes one melt, even if it is from gas.

Ahh Shaun, forever the entertainer of the family!

21 Minutes Overdue and We're a Family of 4

Okay, here goes.

I started getting contractions around 7:30 PM while Craig had Shaun in the shower. They were about 7 mins apart but I wasn't having to work through them at all so didn't think too much. Just figured it was false labor... again. I finished up the dinner dishes and played around on the computer for a while.

Around 9:30 PM I told Craig I thought I may be in labor but to wait and see what happened in the next little while. I still wasn't having what I thought should be 'working' contractions. By now they're 5 mins apart.

By 10:30 I had Craig call Pooja, my midwife. She offered to come here to the house to check me but I was still joking around between contractions and they were coming as a strong one, then a weak one so still not serious. I didn't want her to waste her time coming just to tell me it wasn't true labor. We agree to meet at the hospital once my contractions are 3 mins since my intention was to labor at home as long as possible.

11:00 Pooja calls back and says she's coming to the house anyway. She reasons that Craig sounded more serious on the phone than I did and she wanted to know how far dilated I was. I tell Craig to call the family and tell them I'm in labor then I jump in the tub to try and get some relief.

11:30 Pooja arrives and I'm really having to work through the strong contractions but I'm still getting a pretty good break between them. By now I'm out of the tub and Craig is running around gathering everything to put in the van to head to the hospital. She wants to check me right away and I joke with her that if I haven't made any progress from the 4cm I was on Tuesday that I'm going to slap her. She checks me and says "we're not going". I almost cried: that meant nothing was going on; no progress. Craig came into the bedroom and Pooja told him the same thing then asked him to find something plastic to put on the bed because I was 9cm. We weren't going to the hospital. I panicked.

Around midnight the back-up midwife arrived and she and Pooja finished setting up their stuff. In the meantime Craig and I had remade the bed with the shower curtain protecting the mattress. As soon as I laid back down I felt the urge to push. I gave 3 not-so-good pushes and then my body remembered how to actually do it. Three more good pushes and Ian was here at 12:21 AM, 21 minutes overdue.

I ended up having a minor tear that needed 2 stitches. Ian nursed right away and I got to hold him for a full 30 minutes before anyone took him off my chest: while birthing the placenta and getting stitched. My parents arrived about 5 minutes after he was born (they were driving in from an hour away to be with Shaun while we went to the hospital). Shaun slept through the whole thing and Craig woke him up at 1:30 AM to meet his new baby brother.

My next birth will undoubtedly be another homebirth although next time we'll plan it that way.

On a Brighter Note:

With all the negativity from that 40 week post I thought I'd add a little sunshine to my blog today.

We had a terrific time at Craig's uncle's cottage. It's a Martin family tradition to head up there on the first long weekend in August. We took a chance with my due date looming and went up anyway. It was completely relaxing and Shaun really enjoyed being able to play with all his cousins. Next year there will be a 1 year old toddling around trying to play with the big kids. Hard to believe...

40 Weeks

Honestly, never in a million years would I have thought that I'd make it to 40 weeks this time. Isn't that the rule? That subsequent babies are early? That's what I've been told. At least on time for heaven's sake! Shaun was 8 days overdue. Okay, I can handle that. He WAS a first baby afterall. But Shaun was HUGE, and made a HUGE path for this baby. I'm already 4cm dilated. This baby should be falling out of me by now! My mucus plug came out over a week ago. I've thought I was in labor twice. Yep, twice. Contractions never increased in strength though and never got closer than 8 minutes apart. Enough is enough with all the mean tricks my body is playing on me. I'll bet the baby is just giggling hysterically inside me saying, "jokes on you again mum! You walked for an hour in the middle of the night last night for nothing. But thanks for lulling me back to sleep!"

I have another appointment with my midwife early next week to talk about what we do next. Craig's already wasted a whole week of holidays. I'm terrified that he'll end up wasting another week waiting. The house is so clean because every time I think I may be in labor I try my best to stay on my feet to keep the contractions coming. I don't think the living room has been dusted or vacuumed so frequently since the beginning of time. I keep trying to tell myself that labor will start when my body and the baby are ready but come on! This waiting game is killing me. And the contractions - I just wish I wouldn't get a single one until labor really began. That way I'd know for sure and could stop wasting my time and energy with all this walking. All I can say is if I've gained more than a pound by my appointment next week I'm going to be seriously ticked!

A Tea Party

Craig and I really enjoy tea. Various kinds, it doesn't really matter, we just like tea. Not as much as coffee, mind you, nonono, but we like tea.

The other day (the same day I was in such a funk) I was doing dishes and Shaun was hanging around like he usually does. Occasionally I'll let him climb up on a chair beside me while I'm washing and he'll play in the water for a while. Lately since my belly has been getting so big, oh you didn't notice??, he hasn't been able to do dishes with mummy. So this day I set him up at his own little table with a small container of water and a few smaller mugs and cups and scoops so he could do his own dishes. He ended up having a tea party - my boy! I've never had a tea party with him and neither has Craig. Is this just one of those intrinsic things that kids do but don't know why they do it? I was dumbfounded. He knows we drink tea but we drink far more coffee. Why didn't he have a coffee party or do the dishes, which was my original plan for the water-play? Childhood and more relevently, parenthood, is such a mystery to me so much of the time. It's a wonder I'm not circling around in a daze all day long trying to figure out why things happen the way they do!

38 Weeks

I'm really late in posting this photo but you get the idea: I'm still pregnant. I'm also in a gigantic grump today but have a cute story and picture of Shaun. I'll get to that when I'm feeling more positive and blessed to me a mum.

For now I need ice cream and a nap!

ACK! Full Term!

Okay, 37 weeks. So that means full term... baby can come anytime and should be okay. Know what that also means? It's time to panic. Yep, I'm panicking. I don't feel ready to be a mum of 2! It's funny because we tried for 19 months for this baby and suffered 2 losses in that time and when we finally got to see the first ultrasound of this baby I felt nothing but relief that we'd finally be expanding our family. But now that we're so close to becoming a family of 4 I'm not convinced I'm ready.

I know once I see this baby and we bring it home that I'll try to remember what it was like as a family of only 3 but for now I try to imagine what it will be like as 4 and I get this flip-flop in my stomach. What have we done?!

A Childhood Obsession

Every once in a while Craig will come up with these bizarre ideas. I've learned over our 5 1/2 years of marriage to just laugh them off and let him go at them with all his gusto and enthusiasm. Monday night at 11:30 Craig started working on one of these bizarre ideas and I didn't even ask him what he was up to; I didn't want to know. By 1AM his project was completed. It was a whipper snipper for Shaun!

Using an old cut down hockey stick for the shaft, Craig added the motor from a tape player and a switch box from a remote control boat. A couple of wires and a 9V battery, and everything held together with hockey tape and it was complete. Shaun spent over an hour outside this morning trimming all the weeds and grass in our humble little backyard. For a free toy, made in about an hour by a very creative daddy, I'm really impressed first that it works, and second that Shaun is so enamoured by it.

Maybe Craig can make me a food processor next???

36 Weeks, Nearly There

Craig asked me this morning if I'm feeling like this baby may come earlier than its due date. Being still 4 weeks away from that due date, I can honestly say I don't know. The pressure that I remember from the end of my pregnancy with Shaun hasn't appeared yet but I've read that often second babies don't actually completely engage in the pelvis until labor begins. Shaun wasn't even completely engaged when I went in to be induced at 41+1 weeks. I have noticed that the baby has dropped a little in the last week: it's easier to breathe, I'm able to eat a little more before feeling stuffed-full, and I'm peeing like I'm back in the first trimester. It's actually quite annoying; the whole pee thing. As if sleeping isn't difficult enough with the heat and humidity of a southern Ontario summer, I have to get up to pee at least twice a night. And if I happen to wake while I'm stirring I can't get back to sleep until I pee. I'd be okay with getting up to pee if it was a decent pee but it's trickles. Truly annoying.

At my midwife appointment earlier this week we talked a little bit about ways to prepare my body for labor in hope that I don't go overdue. I certainly will not medically induce this time unless it's necessary for me or the baby but I'm not opposed to natural ways to get my body ready. Pooja mentioned evening primrose oil - which I'm familiar with, and red raspberry leaf tea - which can be more effective but I have to drink about 6 cups a day. :O I've done research on both of them and Pooja recommended I choose only one since this is my second baby, so I'm going to start on the EPO early this coming week. Hopefully it will remind my body that labor and delivery are approaching soon and to start to 'prepare the path' as it were. We'll see it if ends up doing anything. I've opted out of any internal checks before I'm in labor because I don't feel they're necessary so I won't know if the EPO does anything, but it can't hurt to try.

Just Foolin' Around

I found this website that lets you make comic strips out of any photos you'd like. I thought that a visual of what my belly's been doing would be pretty cool. I have yet to take a 36 week photo (I'll do that tomorrow morning) but when I do I'll update the comic strip. Pretty cool if you ask me! I still have to figure out how to label each photo with the gestation. The first photo is at 12 weeks. The last one is at 35 weeks.

One Month From Today

I can't believe it - I'm due to deliver our second baby a month from today. Even through all the recent heat, the swelling in my hands and feet, the breathlessness while climbing stairs (or just talking, these days!) and not being able to be the mum I want to be for Shaun, I'm not ready to give up carrying this baby yet.

The baby is beginning to get a more predictable schedule: I know that between 9:30 and 10:00 PM is its most active time and I look forward to that time of day. Lately I've been turning off the TV or pausing my time on the computer just to embrace my belly with my hands and enjoy the movement from the little life within. Part of me wants to keep it inside me forever so I never have to try and remember what it feels like to have another being living in my body.

I really am so blessed to be able to carry healthy babies, even though this road was long and we suffered from heartache on the way. I don't take for granted how lucky I truly am for even a second and I wish that everyone who wanted to could experience the joy of pregnancy.

35 Weeks

The settings on the camera were messed up and I couldn't figure out how to get the timer to work so Craig took this picture of me. The settings must have been really messed up because it's SO grainy!!

Tell It Like It Is

Shaun's always been a child who says what he's thinking without any regard for how it may make another person feel. We're trying to teach him empathy and compassion so that he doesn't hurt someone's feelings by accident but I have to admire his honesty and innocence.

We went to the park after dinner tonight and there were a mess of other children there; most were under the age of 5. Shaun and another little boy were chasing each other on the playground; up the stairs and then down the slide and back to the stairs. This other little boy has just turned 2 1/2 but is pretty small for his age and isn't talking very much yet. Halfway up the stairs on their way to the slide Shaun stopped, turned to the little boy behind him and announced, "My name is Shaun, I have big eyes and your head is small."

I nearly fell off the park bench I was sitting on. Partly because it was true - this little guys head is small - but mostly because after that Shaun and this little boy continued playing with one another like nothing had just happened. I probably laughed louder and longer than I should have because afterall, that could be quite an insult for his mum but it was so innocent and neither boy thought much about the comment at all.

I wish the whole world was like that. I'd love to tell the obese woman in a motorized scooter to get up and walk and not fear being slugged if I tell someone their kid is a terror. People are too sensitive these days and it's pathetic. I have pretty thick skin I'd like to think. I'll admit that I defend a lot of statements that are made to me that are probably true but that's human nature. As long as you're honest, how can I argue with that? Really people!