Heartbreak #1

It's only been a week but so much has happened. Last Monday afternoon I took Shaun for a chest x-ray because his cough isn't going away. The technicial asked me if I was pregnant, and even offered for me to take a test. But I lied and told her I had taken a test that morning (even though I hadn't) and it was negative. Well, Wednesday morning I decided to take my last pregnancy test on a hunch. I still don't know why; it was mid-morning and I had been feeling period cramps for days. I was so surprised when a big pink + showed up. Right away I felt sick to my stomach; I was pregnant when I was with Shaun for his x-ray!!

Craig wanted to wait until we talked to Dr. McKinnon Thursday morning before telling anyone. How did he know to wait? Shaun had his 15-month app't Thursday morning and I had one to go over my testerone blood test results. Well, the nurse had me do a urine sample and she dipped to check for pregnancy. I could tell by her face when she came back in the room, that it wasn't good news.

She told us the test said I wasn't pregnant and that there was a lot of blood in the sample too. By the time Dr. McKinnon came in to talk to us I had already started miscarrying. Even though we had just found out the day before and I honestly didn't feel pregnant, I was still destroyed wiht guilt. I kept thinking of the x-ray killing our baby! I've realized something through all my research on miscarriage though: I was having symptoms of miscarriage on the weekend; before the x-ray. I had period cramps and an ache in my lower back. Then very early Thursday morning I awoke with dark spotting. I also read on the internet that most often a miscarriage will begin at least a week after a baby dies. That means that on Monday already I wasn't pregnant anymore. I know in my heart that I didn't cause this miscarriage. Whatever it was, it's best that it happened because we have no idea how the x-ray would have affected a healthy baby. I read it could cause cancer, extra or missing digits, heart malformations or even death.

I wasn't even feeling pregnant at all so I know I couldn't have done anything to prevent this. Even if I had taken a test on Monday and even if it had come out positive, I know that everything would have still happened the same way. But it still really hurts that a baby died inside me. But my testosterone test was way normal. That's fabulous! It means that we just haven't been catching the egg; until this month of course!

And Shaun's x-ray showed right frontal lobs pneumonia but we're waiting to give him antibiotics because he seems to be getting better on his own.

I Think It Was a Bust

I'm 99% sure I'm not pregnant this cycle only I haven't gotten my period yet. Last cycle it was day 48, the couple before that were around 35 and 43. It's so hard to know! And I'm being really objective this time around and I don't have any symptoms. I'm not tired, have no nausea, I've been peeing only as much as I was before; even though it's time to test I refuse to waste one. If I was feeling more pregnant then for sure.

We just got home from spending the weekend at my parents. Steve and Tamrah were there and Tara and Wes came for Sunday. It was so much fun with the whole house so busy and full. It's going to be really quiet for mum and dad tonight! Shaun was incredible all weekend. He ate well, slept great and behaved incredibly! Considering all the terrible things he's been dealing with lately: an awful cough, aggressive rash, strained ankle, bruise on the cheek from a closet door, sore tongue and various bonks on the head, it was as if nothing was wrong.

I'm seeing Dr. McKinnon on Thursday for Shaun's 15-month check up and we'll go over my latest test results.

My Chatterbox

Oh my goodness, Shaun's talking so much! He has so many words I think I've lost count. For a long time he would do a lot of mimicking or he'd only say words when we prompted him. Now, if he sees something that he knows the name of, he says it. It's so incredible to hear him learn so fast!

Okay, let me think for a moment. He knows the sounds for: lion, aligator, cat, dog, snake, duck. And we're trying to teach him bird, mouse, cow and monkey (that one's Craig's idea).

But words that he says without prompting:
baby (bebe)
Ted (nah)
shoe (soo-ee)
sock (saah)
light (it-eh)
more (me)
nummy
banana (nana)
duck (cack)
cat (he meows)
dog (he woofs)
Mummy
Daddy
story (so-we)
bath (bah)
done (nah)

Oh man, I'm sure there's more. I didn't even have to think about that list. Vacuum is another (cum). He and I were stopped at traffic lights the other day and there was a lady on the sidewalk walking with a dog and a baby in a stroller. Not only did Shaun woof for the dog but he said baby too! How did he know?? I remember how surprised I was to see the 14 month old in Walmart when Shaun was 2 months say baby. Now that kid is Shaun! YAY!

I've been diligently charting my BBT and it appears that 3 days ago I ovulated. That's why I started charting: to see if I was ovulating. And it appears that I am. Soo, maybe this is our month? It HAS to happen eventually right?

A Couple New Words

Yep, I wasn't pregnant. I figured we couldn't be so lucky. I ended up getting my period 4 days after that last entry; one day before I was going to test again. And good thing too because I would have been furious if I had wasted another test!

Shaun's been doing some pretty hammy things recently. His giggle is by far the silliest. He does it mostly when he's conscious of people watching him; almost as if he's showing off. And he'll puff out his chest and walk around like that. Craig and I think it's completely hilarious. Shaun's been talking a whole lot too. When he sees a dog he'll bark or a cat, he meows "mauw, mauw". He'll pick up his shoes and say "so-wee" and "titty" or "ba-ba" for Kitty and Boo-Boo. Wherever we go people always comment on how much he talks for 13 months. You know, I never notice it because I'm just used to it but I guess he does.

We went to Shantzholm pumpkin patch this morning with Lisa and the boys. It was $2 for the 3 of us for a hayride and a pumpkin - what economical entertainment! It was pretty chilly outside but we were dressed warm and had a great time. Shaun saw goats, ponys and a dog named Max. He liked the goats the best. We'll have to go again next year... anything for cheap entertainment!

A New Sister in Law

I have a bit of news. News that I should have remembered for the last entry but somehow forgot: My brother, Steve, and Tamrah are getting married! I heard the news from them about a week and a half ago when they dropped by here. AND Steve's starting college in January! It's a program called Geomatics and is basically programming intelligent maps like GoogleEarth. According to dad every utility company in the country uses those types of programs but there's not enough people who know how they work. I guess that there's 2 employers for every graduate. So Steve and Tamrah are moving to Lindsay (close to Peterborough) by January. I know, a lot of incredible positive changes.

We were at the cottage this weekend and I was having pregnancy symptoms all weekend. Well, only one really... nauseousness. And I'd like to think that I'm not imagining it this time. I've been dismissing that I've been feeling yucky for a while; around a week. Saying things like "I'm just hungry", or "I haven't been getting enough sleep". I actually took a test on Thursday morning last week but I had hardly any pee and it was negative. But if I haven't started by Friday, say, (that'll be day 49) I'll take another one.

I'm totally going to expect my period (rather than the alternative) only because I have to look at my history of predicting pregnancy. It hasn't been all that accurate. Guess I'll either have a "Yep, I wasna't pregnant" beginning the next entry or a "I knew it!"

<>

Little Walkin' Man

Shaun's walking! He started just over 2 weeks ago. It started with him taking a couple of steps towards something (a toy, the laundry basket) and he improved so quickly we were shocked. It was almost like he's learn while he was sleeping because when he'd get up i nthe morning he'd be better than when he went to bed. I've already taken him to the apple orchard with Tara, and Craig and I would like to bring him to a pumpkin patch and a hayride this fall!
We're still trying to get pregnant. I actually started charting my BBT about 10 days ago; planning on not getting pregnant this time around but having a head start on next months chart. I've read that if you're having a period you're ovulating but mine are so irregular it's nearly impossible to know.
The Caravan was written off and after searching for almost a month we found an Oldsmobile Silhouette that we absolutely love. Insurance settled with us for $1000 MORE than we paid for the Caravan so we were able to afford the van upgrade. It's given us some minor problems with the brakes but that's all been covered under warranty.

Minivan Woes!

Get this: we're driving home from the cottage a week and a half ago and in Aurora (halfway between Barrie and Toronto) the van starts to overheat. So I pull over and Craig puts some water into the radiator because it was super low. A police cruiser pulls up behind us, we explain what's happening and both vehicles pull back onto the 400. Within 100 metres the van is overheating again so we pull back over on the shoulder and Craig goes to ask the officer if he can drive him to the next exit to get some coolant for the engine. No problem, Craig returns and fills up the radiator but realizes he's forgotten his wallet at the gas station. So the officer accompanies us to make sure Craig gets it back and then we part ways. Before we even get back on the highway the engine is overheating again so we pull off onto a gravel shoulder and start to talk about what we're going to do. Craig and I quickly realize that we were not going to be able to drive the van that night. I start thinking about sleeping in the van and finding a mechanic in the morning so we could get it repaired and go home the following morning. As I'm mentally preparing myself, a CAA towtruck pulls in front of us. After looking at the truck for a few minutes, Craig goes to ask the driver if he can take a look at the van. Dennis figures that the coolant just hasn't had the opportunity to seep into the engine since we put it in and suggests I idle at 2000RPM to allow the coolant to spread. The temperature slowly creeps down then shoots back up to HIGH and there's steam and sizzling coming from under the van! No worries, says Dennis, it's just a broken hose, less than $100 to fix. And he can tow us home if we have CAA. Hmmm, we don't but Craig's dad does. Oh, but Wayne's at Uncle Jim's cottage and we don't have the number. That's okay, we think, Lisa has CAA too and her husband didn't go to the cottage and is home with the car. I called Chris long distance on the cell phone and he didn't have the CAA card in the car, Lisa had it in her wallet! So we looked in the phone book we keep in the van (thank goodness it was in there) for Uncle Jim's phone number. Then we get the cottage number from him and sure enough call it and it's BUSY, BUSY, BUSY. Ten minutes we try and finally Lisa answers. We quickly get Wayne's CAA card number and get a $350 tow for free. Unbelievable. Craig ended up giving Dennis $20 as a thanks for helping us so much.

On Thursday morning Craig takes the van to Canadian Tire for an estimate. Since C.T. is so close the van didn't overheat and he was able to drive it there and home with no problem. The problem was more major than we though and C.T. quoted us $860 to get the repair done! Craig called me here at home and asked me to call Total Auto Service to get a quote from him. $411 plus tax. That was it; Craig brought the van home and we had it towed to Total Auto Service Friday afternoon. The repair couldn't be done until Monday but the van wasn't driveable anywey. So we rented a car from Enterprise for the weekend. Saturday morning Craig let me sleep in because I had a monster headache. He gets a call around 10AM from the police! The van has been stolen from the shop!

So we place a claim with Pilot that morning and they upgrade our car rental to a van. Actually a Caravan for the weekend and then an Uplander once Monday came.

We haven't heard from insurance about whether the van is a write off or not but we have a feeling the engine is destroyed (the Police called later in the week to tell us the van was found dumped on a country road). So we've been busy looking on the internet for another van - how frustrating.

Hopefully we'll hear tomorrow whether our beautiful new van will be repaired or written off.

Mourning the Baby

Aahh!! I'm finished worrying about constantly thinking about if I'm pregnant or not. This is so frustrating! I'm back at the beginning again, day 2.
This weekend has been pretty hot; around 32 or 33 each day and that's before the humidex. And the end of last week was really warm too. I'm looking forward to a break. It's supposed to drop back to normal mid-week.
We're leaving for the cottage Friday night when Craig's done work. And just a moment ago I talked to Craig about bringing the cats with us; we're bringing them! Yay! We both think it just won't be fair to leave them here in a hot, stuffy house all by themselves for 5 days while we're somewhere they'd love to be! I'll have to make a list later this week of stuff I need to pack. And I'd like to give the house a complete once-over before we leave too so I don't have to do any of it when we get home on Tuesday or Wednesday. Yeah, the next session with Melissa is going to start 2 weeks from today since Craig's on vacation (thus, so am I) on the WEdnesday that Aaron leaves. It'll be nice to have 3 or 4 days less... and I think I'm dont with her Sept. 16 maybe. Heh.
Shaun's growing up so fast! Craig and I think he may have had a growth spurt recently because he certainly seems bigger than last weekend. I actually had an afternoon this past week where I just watched Shaun playing and I was able to reminisce. I cried a bit and felt pretty sad for a while; I just miss the baby-baby he was only a few months ago. We both completely enjoy Shaun right now but it's hard to move on from where he was. Especially since it feels like it's going so quickly. Eleven months and before we know it, it will have been a year since I was struggling with breast feeding and changing diapers.

Stair Climber

Shaun learned to do so much last week! On Thursday Craig taught Shaun to go up stairs. Once he figured out he could do that Shaun's been pulling up to stand at everything. He had been so close for so long - pulling himself to his knees and sometimes balancing there for a whole minute - that I'm not surprised at all that he's caught on so quickly. There's been a bunch of times that he's let go of whatever has been supporting him while he's standing and has remained standing for 6 or 7 seconds. He was so proud of himself when he stood for the first time. And the last couple of days he's been cruising the furniture. First it was only a step or two, almost by accident, but now he actually thinks about it. You can tell he cruises deliberately. He'll hold on to the couch too and then turn his body to grab the coffee table. He's learned so quickly.
On a completely different topic I'm finding it really hard to keep up with all the housework lately. I've been so tired. Craig and I had a minor spat yesterday about it. I'm really going to have to be diligent at keeping up on it. His concern was the vacuuming now that Shaun's crawling. Craig's worried about the amount of cat hair Shaun's been picking up on his hands. I can understand that!
So on another topic, I've been feeling pregnancy symptoms again! *sigh* This is getting old real fast. I've been really tired and crampy for just over a week. I don't want to get all excited again so I haven't said a thing to Craig about how I've been feeling. I think there's been enough false alarms lately that he won't get excited until there's a positive pregnancy test. I actually took one a few days ago but it was one that had been out of the package for a month and the line that was supposed to appear in the control window never appeared. So I won't even know if the negative that appeared (or didn't, depending on how you look at it) was accurate or not. It probably was. I only say that because I'm pretty sure it was too early for a test. A few more days to wait!
The nauseousness comes and goes in waves. Ripe bananas make me feel the worst. Blech!!

Changing Again

So it's late, I'm exhausted, and I'm not going to write for long. But Shaun's schedule has changed again. It's becoming more and more like that of a preschooler every day. His morning is the same, eating at 8AM and 12PM with an hour and a half nap between. But it's the afternoon that's different. We've been allowing Shaun to sleep as long as he wants in the afternoon. When he wakes up, somewhere between 3 and 4PM he gets a snack. Yogurt, cheese, applesauce, whatever. And then he eats dinner with us when we eat. It's a bit more hectic but I love that he eats everything we do!

A Bout of Roseola

Shaun has a mystery rash today. He had it yesterday too. I called Lisa and asked her about the rash Joseph had a few weeks ago and strangely enough the two boys are identical. Shaun had a fever around 101 for 2 days on the weekend first. We just thought the fever was from Shaun being in the hot sun but after a night and another day he still had a low fever. By the time we got home from camping the fever was gone but he was still miserable so we blamed the teething. But yesterday morning when I was changing him I noticed a slight rash on his back. By the time evening rolled around the rash was all over his torse and it was still there today although not as bad. But Shaun's been happy and back to normal; the rash doesn't seem to bother him at all. Lisa said Joseph's lasted around a day and a half. We'll see if Shaun still has it tomorrow and if so, I'll take him to the doctor.

On another note, it's official: Shaun can say 2 words, Ted and uh-oh. He actually said Ted first last week on Wednesday when we were walking upstairs at Xan and Bailey's. Xan was going to bed and I think Shaun thought he was going too because halfway up the stairs he started chattering about Det, Det. I had thought he may be saying Ted but it's for sure now because he says it all the time. Uh-oh came on Friday last week in the morning before leaving for camping. Whenever Shaun drops stuff I'll say uh-oh and last Friday he copied me. But the funniest is how he says it: uh............oh, with a huge space between each word.

I have to write a few insignificant things because I'm sure Shaun will stop doing them soon but mostly because I know I will forget. We have a piece of wood between the living room carpet and the laminate floor in the kitchen. When Shaun's approaching it he'll put his bim way up in the air and crawl using his feet instead of his knees. The bump must hurt his knees!

Another thing that's completely hilarious is how Shaun interacts with the cats, especially Pokey. Pokey's such a nut she'll just lay on the carpet and let Shaun molest her; poking her and pulling her hair. There's been a couple of times that he's pulled her hair so hard she's actually been lifted off the floor.

Oh, something else that's official, Shaun likes cat food! Yesterday he got into the container that we keep the cat food in and by the time I got to him he had 1 or 2 pieces in his mouth and a whole hand full waiting. Shaun was so angry at me when I took the food away too! He must have enjoyed it. Crazy monster...

The First Word

Oh gosh, it's only been a month and I don't know where to begin the updating. This may seem a tad scrambled but that's because my thoughts are in a jumble trying to keep everything straight.

My period came on Friday June 16. It was day 50; actually I had bought 2 tests that morning and when I went into the bathroom to take one there was my little friend, grinning at me. One more disappointing month. We'll really have to concentrate on getting pregnant soon or the next baby will be a summer baby... great for the kid but miserable for me!

Shaun started crawling almost 3 weeks ago on Thursday June 6. It took him about a week to get really good but now there's no stopping him. The cats sure learned quick that the safest place for them is out of his path. Kitty will sit on the stairs and tease Shaun, sitting just out of his reach. Ahh, big sisters!

We went camping at Guelph Lake Conservation Area from Tuesday to Friday last week. Lisa, Matthew and Joseph were with us for the first night and half of the next day. It was really nice to be with them on our own - no other family or kids. This Friday we're leaving again to go camping with Mum and Dad. It's going to be an amazing time!

We bought a van finally. YAY!! Wayne and Leah's neighbour, Lorraine, smashed her van and bought our car for $6300. And 2 Thursdays ago on June 15 we drove up to Toronto and got the van. It's amazing and I have no idea how we would have packed for camping without it. It's going to make life so much easier albeit mroe expensive. It's a Dodge Grand Caravanm Sport and I'm in love with it.

Shaun's eating everything that we are now... and loving it. And it's wierd stuff that he likes too: olives, feta cheese, dad even gave him red wine and Shaun gobbled it up! What a strange little man.

We need to play with Shaun's schedule again. He's dropped another nursing recently so now he's down to only 2 nursings a day. And he only needs his third nap one out of around every 3 days. I think he'll be ready for homo milk soon. I'm thinking around 11 months or so. But he sometimes still nurses mid-afternoon. I know it's probably not good to allow him to nurse at that time only when he wants but I love the time we have together. I wasn't ready for him to drop to 2 nursings so I figure, if he wants a 3rd sometimes, no problem.

Hmmm, what else has been going on. Oh, I'm convinced Shaun's been saying a couple of words. When he's eating and sees a banana or if I'm asking him about bananas he's say "na-na" every time. It's so consistent I don't think it's coincidence. And we think he says Ted too. When naptime arrives I'll ask him "where's Ted" and not only will he look around for Ted, but once Shaun finds him he'll say "Det, Det" or just "T, T, T". And again, he only says that when we're talking about Ted or if he sees Ted. It's pretty amazing.

And something else, Shaun dances!! When music is on he'll rock back and forth and smile and laugh. It's great because I dance with him all the time and he obviously learned from it.

Some New Tricks

The long weekend was brutal! Shaun had a fever on Saturday and I think he still wasn't feeling well on Sunday, Monday and most of Tuesday. He was cranky and miserable and wouldn't eat!

So I called Telehealth on Monday and asked about Shaun not eating, sleeping more than normal, and also mentioned that he fell off the bed at Grandma's house (!!!). The nurse said since he was still having wey diapers he was probably fine but to see a doctor in the next 2-3 days. Tuesday afternoon I called Dr. McKinnon who couldn't see Shaun that day but suggested I take him to Emergency instead. Now I was concerned that Shaun wasn't eating and not really drinking either but not enough that it required a visit to Emergency. Besides, we'd be last on their priority list and would probably sit in there for 10 hours!

So I waited it out instead. By Wednesday morning Shaun was eating and breastfeeding normally again. Thank goodness because I sure didn't want to put him on formula! And I moved his schedule around a bit too. It seems to be working okay so far but I think I'll have to doctor it a bit. It's hard for him to be up for an hour from 3-4PM waiting to eat. What I may do is offer him a snack at 3, like cheese chunks or something, and then actually feed him at 4 or 4:30. I think it'll take some experimenting.

On a different note: Shaun's learned some new tricks! He blows raspberries still but before it was just his lips. Now he actually sticks his tongue out to make them! And spit goes absolutely everywhere; it'll dribble down his chin and he'll just laugh. It's so adorable.

And when I was out doing groceries on Tuesday morning Shaun was playing with Craig on his tummy. Rather than just stay on his hands and knees Shaun was going up on his toes and sticking his bum way up in the air. Now whenever we place him on his tummy he spends half his time on all fours and the other half on hands and knees. He gets closer to craling every day.

Oh, something else too, Shaun can spin on his bum like a pro these days. I'm starting to think that maybe Shaun will scoot on his bum rather than crawl. He gets around pretty good that way, forwards and backwards. We'll see.

To change the subject, there are soon to be 3 new babies in our life. Helen was due on Monday and has an induction scheduled for Sunday I think. Danny and her are having a girl but I don't know what they decided to name her. Mary from Weight Watchers and her husband Greg were due on Monday too. But Mary doesn't know if it's a boy or a girl. That's nice. I kind of want it that way for the next baby too. And Moe called last night around 12:30. They were at the hospital and Erika was between 3 and 4 centimetres dilated. Hopefully we'll get the call that she's had the baby before Craig leaves for work so I can go see her in the hospital! Oh, how exciting!

Anyway, lots going on lately. I'm babysitting today too. That's going okay. It's busy but easy. And the hallways are being painted. They look really good. Shaun will be getting up very soon. Duty calls.

Sow Weight Gain

Shaun's not crawling yet. I suppose I'm okay with that but I'd like to see him crawl soon; just so I know he's developing normally.

I've been concerned about his slow weight gain lately too. I finally called Lisa on Wednesday and asked her when she started Matthew on meats. After some conversation I realized Shaun should have started eating meat more than 2 months ago!! So right away I gave him an egg yolk (hard boiled of course). He ate it but I think he had issues with the texture; which is understandable. And I cooked some chicked breasts in chicken broth and blended those up. Craig also gave Shaun some cheese yesterday. We're just going to start giving him more food. I took a look through the Teddy Bear's Picnic booklet and got some meal plan outlines. I'll keep Shaun on 5 feedings, the first 3 with solids.

This is what his schedule looks like:

• 8:00AM breastmilk, 6T cereal with formula, 4T fruit (2 ice cubes), 1/4 toast (whole wheat bread)
• 9:45 - 11:30AM naptime
• 11:30AM 2Tmeat (1 ice cube), 2-3T veg, 2T fruit, breastmilk (after solids)
• 1:15 - 3:00PM naptime
• 3:00PM 2T meat, 2-3T vegetables, 2T fruit, 1/2 slice toast, breastmilk (after solids)
• 5:15 - 6:00PM naptime
• 6:00PM breastmilk
• 8:00PM bath then breastmilk

Hopefully this new schedule will help him gain a little bit of weight. I'll switch back to breastmilk before mealtime once he gains a bit. For now I think he just needs more calories.

Mazda MPV

Okay, so day 47 of my cycle rolled around and my period finally decided to show up, so obviously I'm not pregnant. Oh well, we'll be trying in June or July anyway. Only a couple more periods until 15 months without them again. Yay!

Here's the scoop on the car information: after a LOT of research we have decided on the Mazda MPV. Internet reviews aside, we've heard only good things about them. And the Foells at the daycare have one and love it. We saw one at Wright's Automotive (David Elliott's neighbour) that had 72000 km, was a 2001 and listed at $11477. I couldn't believe it!

So Craig's been working really hard getting the car ready for sale and we just got it certified this morning. Now we're going to put it in the Auto Trader and hope it sells! It's listed for $7400 but we'll take the first offer for $6500 or better.

Shaun has 4 teeth now. The fourth one poked through last week. And he's weeks from crawling too. He and I have been doing some gardening outside lately and he's been eating the grass! Silly monster! I can't believe he's almost a year already!

Oh, and Erika's having her baby in 11 days or less! Wow, that's hard to believe; Erika's going to be a Mum!

Moving On...

So I'm extremely frustrated: since the last time I wrote I've taken THREE more tests. Saturday, April 15, and Sunday, April 16 (morning) then Thursday April 20 (again in the morning). So far all of them have been negative but Craig doesn't know about the one I took on the Saturday night.

And I still haven't gotten my period. All of the symptoms I thought I had are gone now. I'm beginning to think that maybe I invented them all along.

Craig thinks that maybe the period I got at Grandma and Grandpa's house was a fluke. Today is day 43 so the chances are really slim that I'm actually pregnant. *sigh* Oh well, I find solace in the fact that we're going to start trying to get pregnant in a few months anyway.

Craig and I have come to the realization that Shaun's slightly delayed in his gross motor development. I was at Mary's baby shower today and there was a little girl exactly 8 months old who was crawling and pulling herself up onto furniture. Shaun's not even close to doing any of that. But the sensible Michelle reminds me that life is better with Shaun not crawling. Especially since I've been looking after Xan and Bailey now. The house will sure be busy this summer with 2 babies crawling and Xan! And hopefully I'll be pregnant too. What's wrong with me? What am I thinking?!

Craig and I have been seriously looking at buying a minivan. The first thought was a Mazda MPV but Craig wasn't impressed with some of its reviews on the internet. Now we're focussed on the KIA Sedona. We're aiming at around $8000 for the car and we could probably get a Sedona for about $12000 but won't spend more than about $14000. We're hoping to go out tomorrow morning and price some of them. Strickland in Stratford has one for $10000. That's where dad has bought a couple of cars and says that Strickland's motto is "high volume, low profit". I'll have to call and find out how many kms.

I have so much more to write but so much more to take care of in the house...

Still Negative

Two pregnancy tests and both turned out to be negative. I did the second one this mroning. It's sort of frustrating because I know I'm pregnant but can't seem to convince Craig since the tests say I'm not.

• March 11 period begins - Day 1
• March 28 unprotected sex - Day 17
• April 5 period cramping - Day 25
• April 9 negative test - Day 29
• April 11 negative test - Day 31

Funny that I'm on day 31. This is the same point I was at when I did the first test with Shaun. It was 5 days later, when I tested again, that I finally found out.

I wonder if a blood test would be more accurate? Is that how they do it in fertility clinics? Maybe I'll go to the walk-in clinic tomorrow...

Pregnant Again?

I'm POSITIVE I'm pregnant again... I think it happened exactly 2 weeks ago today. I don't have any symptoms except that I've been feeling crampy for about 5 days and it's like I have a bubble sitting where my uterus is. I certainly feel it when I'm sitting or bending over.

I walked to Walmart with Shaun yesterday and bought 2 tests. Of course, it came out negative; I knew it would, it's too early. I'll take another one on Saturday.

And another reason why I think I'm pregnant, when we had sex 2 weeks ago I was ovulating (I know by the way I was feeling). My cycle, I'm guessing, is around35 days (that's what it was before Shaun) and it would have been day 17 that Tuesday. This Saturday will be day 35.

But it's almost not even worth testing because I KNOW I am!

No No No

Nothing new this week but I forgot to write about his "no-no-no" last week. I was doing the dishes one day and peeked around the corner at Shaun who was playing on the carpet. He looked up, smiled and shook his head back and forth at me. It was so adorable. Now Craig and I will do that and say "no-no-no" at the same time and Shaun will copy us... with a giant grin of course!

I went to the Maple Syrup Festival this morning with Julia and Laura. It was so busy! And when I came home I was able to nurse Shaun and then pump and additional 3 ounces. I just used that milk in his cereal at 3:00.

Erika got married today and we had dinner with everyone at Oriental Taste. Dinner was great and Shaun was so good until the very end... it was hours past his nap time.

Just a quiet week this week; I weigh in on Wednesday but that's it. We'll see how that goes!

Our Day Adjusts

What a tough week this has been with Shaun. Near the end of last week I was struggling to get him to nurse at each feeding; he was really distracted and just didn't seem hungry. And he was refusing to go down for his third nap too. But I was finding that he couldn't last all the way to bedtime and I was putting him to bed at 7:00 or shortly after. So on Tuesday this week Craig and I started Shaun on a 4 hour schedule.
But here's the problem: Shaun still wasn't hungry when mealtime came and he still wanted to go to bed before 8:00. He was so miserable all day Tuesday and Wednesday. Wednesday morning we were at Donna's house and Thursday morning we went to Lisa's and stayed for lunch. I am amazed at how much Shaun relies on his schedule to function. It's like he loves how predictable his day is when he's on a routine and gets miserable and cranky when he doesn't know what's coming next. I don't know how people do it demand feeding. Even Melissa, because Bailey just catnaps all day. She must go bananas!!
So anyway, Craig and I talked and decided to do a bunch of things:

1. Start feeding Shaun less solids at each meal so he'll take more breastmilk.
2. Make the solids he does get have more fibre in them (we think he's a little constipated).
3. Go back to 3 1/2 hours but reduce his naps to 1 1/2 hours so that he'll still go down for a third nap.

Well, it's been 3 days (Friday, Saturday and today) and Shaun's back to normal. He's been getting less solids and is taking more breastmilk and is even having a third nap again. It took some experimenting but we finally found what works. His bedtime is 8:30.

Shaun's doing some really cute things now too! When he's sleeping at night he won't stay lengthwise in the crip; he always turns so his head is jammed between the siderails. He won't be able to do that much longer though because he's getting too long to fit! When we check on him before going to bed his legs are all cramped up. But it must be cozy because he does it every night. Another thing he's done a couple times now is give kisses. It's not all the time but if Shaun's in the right mood when you go in with a pucker he'll hold his mouth open and lean forward to kiss you. You'll end up getting your pucker right inside his mouth, and getting spitty too but it's so cute and Shaun loves it!

There's one more thing that Shaun's started doing in the past 3 or 4 days. I call it his "lizard tongue". Out of the blue he'll poke his tongue out of his mouth and make it all skinny and pointy. The funniest thing about it is that he holds it there! Sometimes for a whole minute, just looking around. He must know it's cute! And when we're holding his hands to help him walk, he sticks his tongue out and breathes big, spitty breaths. It sounds so funny and looks hilarious. Craig and I just laugh. What a clown!

Oh! And I almost forgot! Shaun says "ma-ma" now. He said it for the first time on Wednesday while I was changing him and now he says it all the time. It's funny: when Shaun would be upset before and cry "da-da" I didn't have a problem saying no. But now, it's so much harder to let him cry if he's saying "ma-ma". Especially if he's looking at me! He's definitely learning how to get what he wants.

Shaun loves to walk too, assisted of course! He holds onto our index fingers and just motors. On Thursday and Friday he walked all the way to the mailboxes and back - I couldn't believe it! He gets so excited and then there's that lizard tongue... I'm laughing just thinking about it!

Kitty and Pokey are getting much better with Shaun now. Kitty actually comes into his room in the morning and before bed and sits on the footstool while I'm nursing him. She'll flip her tail around and he plays with it. And Pokey teases Shaun so much! Especially when he's playing on the floor. She sits just out of his reach and taunts him by stretching and rolling or flicking her tail. What a bunch we have here!

Like Clockwork

Yesterday Shaun and I went to a free Erick Traplin concert at Country Hills Library. We picked up Stesha and Dylan and met Lisa, Sheri and the 4 kids there. I really enjoyed the show and I think Shaun did too... he was smiling and jumping on my lap for most of the show. But by the time we got home Shaun was exhausted because he'd missed his nap. So rather than eat, like he would on a normal day, I put him down around 11:45 and he slept until 2:00 and then napped again from about 4:00 until 6:00. So he only got 4 feedings yesterday... but it was fine!
And this morning the 3 of us met Lisa at Miltons for breakfast then Lisa and I went to Scholars Choice. I got a ton of craft stuff for Shaun and some wooden letters for his bedroom door.
Shaun's tried every vegetable I've made and his very favourite is roasted beets! I couldn't believe how excited he was eating them for the first time. And I bought a mango at the grocery store and he loved that too. The only thing he's not really into is green beans. He'll eat them but you can tell they're not his favourite.
He follows his scshedule like clockwork, even if we're out... it's amazing.
Shaun's started eating finger foods like puffed rice, toast crusts, and unsalted crackers. He's so cute to watch because he hasn't completely figured out how to get the food out of his fist and into his mouth without dropping it. And his pincer grasp hasn't developed yet either. So the only sure-fire way for him to get rice crisps for example into his mouth is if they stick to his wet fingers and then he sucks his fingers. But this morning I offered him some wheat puffs and he was really successful. I think it was easier to pick them up because they're bigger... more to hold in his clumsy hand.
He's so perfect. I look at him while he's sleeping and he'll be moving his little mouth, sucking away. And then when he's awake his big eyes just draw me in. It's so hard for me to get stuff done when he's awake because all I want to do is spend time with him! Being a mum is so fabulous!!!
Oh, and one more thing: a few days ago Shaun said "ba-ba-ba" while I was doing his diaper change. Thinking about what he has to do with his mouth to make that sound (compared to "da-da") I'm betting that "ma-ma-ma" isn't too far away. Within a month hopefully!!

She's Baaaaack

Well I got my first period last night. Actually it was yesterday afternoon while we were at Grandma's. When it started it was only a bit of brown but today it was heavy and red, just like before Shaun. I had been feeling sort of crampy for the last week or so but I never thought twice about it. But I understood the reason behind the cramps once my period came.
And I was feeling so pucky this morning. After putting Shaun down at 9:45AM I crawled back into bed and slept until 11:40. Then I fell asleep again from 1 to about 1:45 when Wayne and LEah arrived. They just stopped by for a short visit and Leah had Shaun laughing pretty hard.
Craig, Shaun and I went to Miltons for dinner. Shaun was so good. I don't know why I'm so surprised anymore when he's really good; because he's good all the time!

6 Month Update

So I figured I should write Shaun's 6 month update before I forget. I'm sure I'll forget some anyway.
Shaun's tried all four starter cereals: rice, wheat, barley and oatmeal. He seems to like the barley and oatmeal the best. We would give him one cereal for about 4 days before introducing the next. He's drinking water out of a sippy cup too. And on Tuesday we gave him vegetables for the first time. I say vegetables because he tried spinach and it wasn't pureed enough so then we tried peas only to run into the same problem. So on Wednesday we gave him green beans that I had pureed very smooth. I don't think he liked them. He'd close his eyes and purse his lips and then shudder. So funny! We learned we had to give him the beans before the cereal or he wouldn't eat them. Sometimes I'd trick him and give him a spoon of cereal in between. He'd be so surprised when he'd get beans in the next spoonful.
As far as his physical milestones: he's able to sit forever and not topple over; twisting, turning and reaching for toys. Sometimes he'll wobble but he's able to steady himself before toppling over. Rolling over is still inconsistent. I found him stuck on his tummy in the crib yesterday but he was hysterical this morning while laying on his back but never rolled over. It's like he forgets he can do it.
Shaun's able to hold a toy for long periods of time before dropping it. And he will transfer it from one hand to the next. If things are the size of his hand or bigger he's able to pick them up but I gave him puffed rice this morning and he wasn't able to palm any and pick them up. They got into his mouth from me or because they stuck to his wet fingers. The texture took a while for him to get used to. And if the rice didn't go in far enough, Shaun would just spit it out.
He's still on a 3 1/2 hour feeding schedule, eating first at 8AM. He gets cereal and veg at his 11:30 and 3PM feedings. But I think this weekend we'll work on moving him into a 4 hour schedule with breakfast, lunch, dinner and a bedtime snack. I'm not sure...
The reason I'm hesitating with the 4 hour routine is because I'm not sure I'm ready to drop another feeding. I know Shaun's able to go 4 hours but I enjoy nursing him so much that I don't want to do it less than 5 times a day. And... if he gets cereal and veg at 6:30 then he's definitely NOT going to be hungry for his last meal at 8:30PM. It's a tough call and I'm feeling pretty stumped.
Okay, so upon further contemplation, I've made my decision: I will stay at 3 1/2 hours but offer cereal at 8:00AM, 11:30 and 3:00PM. Shaun will only get breastmilk at 6:30 and 8:00. Hopefully this schedule will make it easier to drop the 6:30 nursing and move straight into a 4 hour day.
Hmmm, let me think of some other things Shaun's learned to do... he's a pretty good swimmer now! He'll kick and splash in the pool, it's so adorable. Well, I know there's so much more but I can't think of any of it right now. I'll have to add to this entry as I think of stuff!

Dizzzzzy Spells

Out little monster got his second tooth today. It's the neighbour to the tooth he got about 2 weeks ago. Craig's been calling Shaun's first tooth "Little Chomper" or "Lil' C" for short. Today Craig named Shaun's second tooth "C Junior". What a goof!
Sheri babysat Shaun this afternoon for about an hour so I could go see Dr. Oh about my dizzy spells. He's a laryngologist and also a head and neck surgeon. He did some similar tests to those of Dr. McKinnon and a few new ones. But the result was the same as every other test: normal. So far I've had: bloodwork (during pregnancy), echocardiogram (also during pregnancy), a hearing test (that was done yesterday) and now Dr. Oh's sending me for an ENG. That will test my vestibular nerve by making me dizzy and studying how my body reacts to the dizziness. The appointment will be at University Hospital in London so Mum can help me out with Shaun.

Cereal Man

So Shaun's learned a whole bunch of new tricks recently. He finally proved to us that he really can roll over from tummy to back; we haven't been dreaming it for the past 5 monthsl and back to tummy. He's been doing both all week. But Shaun seems to really enjoy his tummy time so he's not too motivated to roll all that much.
He sat on his own for the first time this week and is able to do it for about 5 minutes before slowly toppling over. He will slowly lean further and further forward until he's kissing the floor and then he'll call us to help him. But it's pretty cute.
And Shaun is getting more expressive every day. He's making so many noises and sounds we can't keep track anymore.
The biggest change of all: he's eating cereal now. He's had rice and wheat so far. He'll try oat tomorrow but likes rice the best so far. I'm just thawing some of my breastmilk to use with it and he seems to prefer that to the formula included or formula added varieties. I think he's ready to extend his schedule to 4 hours, too. Because when his first nap arrives at 9:30 he's not tired yet. Soon - at the end of the month I'll switch - I scheduled his 6 months photos counting on him being on a 3 1/2 hour schedule.

5 Months Old

Our little man is growing up. He's 5 months old. I have the itch for another baby - bad. I'd love to start trying now but then I'd be pregnant through the summer again. Yuck. Our plan is to start trying in the early summer, that way it will be a spring baby - April or May... assuming it will take is 3 months to get pregnant. People were right when they said once you start having kids you can't stop until you're done. Oh, I hope Craig decides he wants 3!
This week Shaun has learned to sit up (but not completely unassisted yet) and to almost roll over from back to tummy. He's a pro at rolling onto his side and just needs to shift his shoulder a bit to make it all the way... soon! He's also started to babble. He goes on and on with da-da-da-da. I'm trying to teach him ma-ma but he's not biting. He'll try and all that will come out is oooo or da-da. What a stinker!
So we ended up going to my parents about 2 weeks ago and leaving Shaun there. It was such a nice break but man-o-man we missed him so much! We'll be going back next weekend to celebrate a joint anniversary with Tara/Wes and Steve/Tamrah. All I know it that Mum is making guacamole. I've never had it but I'm looking forward to trying it.
Well it's 11:30, time for Shaun to eat.

Two New Cousins!!

Shaun is such a fabulous baby! I took him to Miltons this morning for breakfast with Lisa and even though it was his nap time he didn't make a peep! He was happy and well bahaved the whole time. By the time he actually got to bed it was 11:10 and even then he sang for 5 minutes before settling into nap-land. We truly are so lucky.
Joseph Tyler Higginson, 7 lbs. 3 oz, born Monday, January 16 @ 8:28PM. I got to be at Lisa's bedside for some of her labor too! That was exciting.
And Andre Adams, 7 lbs. 15 oz, born Wednesday, January 18 @ 4:04PM. So much for Esther having a small baby... maybe since she's so tall the baby had more up and down space than most so got to grow normal size after all.
Shaun got a yeast infection last weekend. While changing his diaper Craig noticed a small rash around his penis. It was 4 or 5 small and red, raised bumps. And even after using Zincofax for 4 days it wasn't getting better. So on Wednesday I finally called the doctor and he suggested just using Canesten cream on it (that's what women usually use for yeast infections). It was much better by the next diaper change and completely gone by yesterday. Phew!

A Moment of Reflection

You know? Sometimes I'm amazed that it's been a whole year since we first found out we were pregnant with Shaun... a year is such a long time but it feels like so much less. And then I remember back to how I was feeling a year ago: thinking about where I'd be now and it felt like "a whole year, that's so far away".
I get really sad thinking about it. In a year Shaun's going to be walking and his own little independent self and I'll probably be pregnant again; moving on from this point in my life. I'm so happy with where we are right now, I just want to stay right here. I don't want Shaun to grow up, I don't want us to grow old, I don't want to have to flip over another page on the calendar, I don't want to stop nursing Shaun... so much is perfect now and the future is so unpredictable.
I think I just need a really good cry. I haven't had one of those since Shaun was just a few weeks old. I need to accept that things are going to change, grieve it and let it go.
Melissa from across the hall has been listening to Shaun on the monitor the last couple of nights while I've been leaving to pick up Craig. She says that she'll be needing me a lot this month too so she's glad to help me out. It's just so handy. And she's great. We get along very well.
Tomorrow is Shaun's first swimming lesson. Me and him will be going every Friday evening for 9 weeks to Waterloo Rec Centre for an 'introduction to water' or sorts. But Craig has the day off tomorrow (a lieu day) and is coming with Shaun and I. His first time in the pool, I hope he enjoys it! We'll see.
Craig and I finally decided what to do for our anniversary celebration. At the Talbot Theatre in London a comedy/opera called Ruddigore is playing. We're going next Saturday night. Our plan (it's still just a plan because we haven't confirmed with my parents yet) is to go to my parents' Saturday afternoon and have dinner with them and leave Shaun with them for the night. They can take him to the meeting on Sunday and then come here for dinner Sunday night. If they're here for Shaun's 3PM feeding then he'll only miss 3 feedings. That should be okay... I should be able to pump for those. I'm going to call them in the morning and see.

A Van

Shaun moved to his big boy carseat today. We installed it this morning. It was harder than we thought...
Shaun's started some really sute things recently. When he's nursing he doesn't like to wait for the let-down (it takes too long) so he'll suck for 10 or 15 seconds and then pull off and take a break and suck his thumb. He'll do it sometimes for 5 minutes until the let-down comes. It's so cute. My mum thinks it's completely hilarious.
Something else he has learned is how to pucker. Friday last week (Dec. 30) Craig was puckering at Shaun and blowing (like a mini raspberry) and Shaun was watching him so carefully. Sure enough, the next day Shaun was puckering his lips. He'll suck on them too, one corner at a time and it's just adorable.
Another thing is the real raspberry. While he was puckering a few days ago, I did the same as him but relaxed my lips and, as expected, he was doing it the next day. But when Shaun does it he can't control his spit and it ends up all over the place. But it's amazing that he can copy what we do. How does he know that his mouth is there and is the same as the mouth we have? It's simply amazing!
So... I think I have Craig convinced that we need a minivan. Just putting the carseat in helped him realize we have to get one. The car seat fits so tight in the car it isn't even as reclined as it should be but there's simply no more room. Craig's been on the internet for about an hour looking at Pontiac Montanas. To sell the car would get us from $9000 to $11000 and a Montana (2003 and less than 75000 km) goes for around $15000. Not bad. It's just an idea at this point but if we're going to trade in the car we have to do it soon before it has too many kms. Now it's 119000. And then we have to decide how to pay for it: have a car payment or use the equity in the house. I think we should put it on the house. It will only add a year or so to the whole mortgage. Is it worth it thought? If we wait too long will we be able to afford it? Sheesh!