A Brave Face

This post is really difficult and I'm not entirely convinced I should be doing it but it's a first step of many to make life for me and my family better.

I accessed a counsellor yesterday through Craig's Employee Assistance Program. I'm just feeling completely overwhelmed. I'm anxious and agitated over everything and can't seem to find any stable ground to get my bearings on. I don't know if it's still because I'm in the post partum period or if it's because I'm genuinely stretched to my max. I feel like everyone is waiting for me to drop all these balls I'm juggling and balancing and that's why this is so difficult to come out and post.

I don't fail. At anything.

Dropping even one ball would be a catastrophic failure in my eyes. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I even reached out to someone beyond myself for help.

I don't do that. Ever.

But I know in order to get past this place where I feel like I'm stuck, I have to accept that not everything is in my control. And a ball drops.

Glow Worm

Do you remember those Fischer Price Glow Worms from back in the day? My friend had one and I was oh, so jealous that I didn't. Well, now I do. It seems that Kyle sleeps best when he's wrapped up extra tightly in a blanket but not so tight that his feet are wrapped too. More like a buritto. We've started calling him a Glow Worm. Partly because of how much he was glowing orange only a couple of weeks ago and also because he really does resemble a Glow Worm from the 80s.

Adjustments

We're doing well. I think if I said that life was hectic it would be the biggest understatement of 2010. I'm lucky to be able to grab 15 minutes a day at the computer and have the use of both my hands at the same time. I feel like I've fallen behind on everything: laundry, dishes, playing with Shaun and Ian, regular baths for the kids (and myself for that matter!), keeping up with friends via email, even the cats are lucky to get fed by me. At least they still get their morning and late night meals from Craig. Otherwise they would have whithered away by now and I probably would be wondering what the terrible smell was and thinking it had been a while since I'd seen them.

But this is wonderful. I love how busy this house is. Not that it wasn't before, it's just moreso now. I find so much joy in watching Shaun and Ian interacting with Kyle. They give him little tiny kisses on the top of his head or rock him ever so gently in the swing. Shaun gets so excited when he's holding Kyle and Kyle's looking right at him. Ian peeks over the side of the playpen to catch a peek at Kyle in the bassinet when he comes down from his nap or if Kyle is starting to cry. For the mostpart things have stabilized here. I'm getting to know Kyle's routine better and I can recognize his type of cry most of the time. That's been making it a lot easier to help him out and comfort him.

Unfortunately, Shaun's been acting out at school quite a bit over the past couple of weeks. It wasn't an issue until last Monday when his teacher mentioned to me when I picked him up that Shaun had been quite snippy with his classmates that day and it had sort of been an ongoing thing. She acknowledged that there's been quite the transition at home but to me that doesn't excuse him being snippy and snarky with his friends and especially his teacher. Plus, it's not like Shaun hasn't done this whole new baby thing before. He was great after Ian arrived so I can't quite figure out where this new attitude is coming from. Actually, no, that's not true.

I think it's come from me. I'm naturally quite sharp with people and basically tell it like it is. These days I don't have time to sit and mess around with Shaun when it's time to do something or go somewhere. I have 2 other children who are far more needy than him who need my help so I've been, well, snippy with him. I can't even think of any specific examples but I know the attitude has come from me. He's been a little snarky with us here too and as soon as I've seen that side of him come out, I recognize myself immediately. So what sort of a solution have we come to as far as his behaviour?

Friday night Craig and I sat with Shaun and had a very long discussion with him about his behaviour, asking him how he thought it made his friends feel and his teacher feel (Oh! I forgot to add that last Friday is when the shit his the fan. He called his teacher a dufus. She told Craig and was quite upset. Craig made Shaun apologize on the spot and then Craig and I pow-wowd and spoke with Shaun Friday night.). For the most part he seemed to 'get it' but he was still being snippy with us so he got grounded from all his nighttime buddies for the whole weekend. Three sleeps. That's a very long time for a kid who makes it sound like he's DYING in the middle of the night if he wakes up and his favourite bear, Ted, has fallen out of bed.

For the most part he did okay, only waking up once the first night and coming into our room for some hugs. The second night he was a lot more dramatic at bedtime and then again in the middle of the night when he woke up without Ted. We didn't budge on the grounding so when the third night arrived, he was a little weepy at bedtime but went to sleep without as much as a fuss and slept the whole night through.

Today when I picked Shaun up from school I asked his teacher how his day went. The deal was that Shaun would get Ted back for bed tonight only if he had a better day today. She hesitated when I asked her how it went today. I didn't get too much out of her because she wasn't wearing a coat and it was bloody freezing outside so we couldn't chat long but basically she said he went from one extreme to the other. From being so snarky with his classmates last week, today he was so polite with everyone it was almost annoying. She said he was exaggerating all of his Thank You's and Please's and saying them very loudly. I figure he was making sure she heard him being kind and polite with everyone because he knew I was going to ask her at pick-up. Hopefully he can come to some sort of comfortable place within himself where he can be back to being the polite little man he's always been.

Maybe it's just because I'm Shaun's mum but it actually kind of bothers me that Mrs. McNaughton said that Shaun's exaggerated politeness was annoying. What does she want?!

So anyway, I've made it my mission to practice what I preach and made every effort to be patient and kind to Shaun today. It certainly made a difference in how his morning went so hopefully we're on the right track. I don't know what else we can do if his behaviour keeps up!

Phototherapy

Kyle's initial read of his vitals when he was readmitted to hospital for jaundice. Also known as hyperbilieuremia. I prefer saying jaundice, it doesn't tie up my tongue.

After a lot of tears, Kyle finally settled in under the blue glow of the lights for a long, warm sleep.

Two weeks old and loving Mumma's boob juice.

Vampires

I never ended up updating again yesterday because Kyle never had another blood draw until this morning at 6AM. I was thinking they'd check his numbers again yesterday around noon and then again at 6PM but I guess once they see the numbers dropping they leave him alone and let the lights do the work. That's fine by me. Those phlebotomists are Vampires!

Good news though. Kyle's stay under the lights is over and we came home before lunch today. His final blood draw this morning was 213 and Dr. DiGravio came in shortly after 9AM giving Kyle the all-clear to head home. The only follow-up instructions we have are to have the midwife see him tomorrow or Friday (he's heading in to see Nicole at 1:30 tomorrow) and to give him his daily dose of vitamin D. I had forgotten to bring it to the hospital and some of the nurses made me feel like the worst mother for forgetting it. Whatever, I can't let that bother me.

Once I get some of the hospital photos uploaded I'll be sure to post them. I'm exhausted (as is Craig, who's currently snoring on the couch) so we're heading to bed. What a whirlwind couple of days! It feels like time sort of stopped while I was in the hospital and it took a few reminders today to finally accept that it's indeed Wednesday and not Monday. It sure felt like the weekend never really ended.

Not for long though. Craig's back at work on Sunday. I can't wait to get some normalcy back in our lives! Ahhh, schedules. I love 'em!

A Hospital Stay

I wish I was posting this from somewhere other than the hospital. I've been trying to remind myself of the reason I'm here and trying to thankful it's not for anything more serious.

Okay, back up to yesterday morning. Another midwife came to the house yesterday to weigh Kyle. He hadn't gained anything since Friday when he was 8lbs 1oz, even though my milk had come in and he'd been eating really well. Add in that he was looking quite yellow and my midwife and I agreed I should bring him to the Outpatient unit at the hospital to have his bilirubin levels checked out for jaundice. Both Shaun and Ian had a touch of jaundice when they were around the same age so I wasn't worried. Ian's numbers were actually bordering on whether he should be admitted or not so I'm quite familiar with this territory.

I ended up heading home after the draw because Shaun had to be picked up at school. Around 3:30 the phone rang. It was my midwife saying Kyle's bilirubin numbers were a little high and the consulting doctor was going to admit him for phototherapy. Basically, he needs a bit of a suntan.

So now we're here. Kyle's so cute with his little sunglasses on and sitting under the blue glow of the lights in his toasty little incubator. I'm really trying to be positive and remember that he's here for a very common, very minor problem. But it's still hard to see him in there. I'm allowed to take him out to feed him and I make sure to talk to him and snuggle during that time as much as I can. Other than that he needs to stay under the lights.

It's helping. He was admitted yesterday with his bilirubin levels at 350. Doctors tend to get concerned when levels start to creep over about 320. A level of zero is ideal. So he wasn't all that much higher than where doctors start to be worried, and by his blood draw this morning he was down to 296. Dr. DiGravio is the head of Pediatrics here and is Kyle's doctor. He spoke with me this morning and told me Kyle will be here at least for the remainder of today and most likely tonight. I'm missing home and desperate to see my boys. But it's better to stay here an extra day than be sent home only to come back in a few days for the same problem.

Craig is bringing the boys to visit and bringing me some food. I can't believe they don't feed me here. Kyle's admitted, he's allowed food, but obviously isn't eating anything. I'll eat his share!!

I've been taking a ton of picture of my baby under the lights and of his various nurses. Everyone here in the Pediatrics Unit is friendly and the kids are pretty curious why there's a grown-up staying with them. Oh, and Kyle got a roommate last night. His name is Bryce and is under the lights too. Misery loves company and Bryce's mom, Katrina, and I have had a good time chatting and commiserating together.

I'll update when he gets his next blood draw.

The Full Story

I figured it was time to find time and type out Kyle's birth story. It's been floating around in my head and I'm afraid it'll slowly start leaking out since my head has so many holes.

As I had posted, the plan was for me to give myself an enema on Wednesday morning. Well, I did, and it didn't work. Actually, it worked a little but the dealio is to wait as long as you possibly can before, well, releasing, and Ian ended up finding his way upstairs and came into the bathroom. I had no choice but to stand up and get him out of there and call Craig. That was the end of that.

Melissa arrived around 9:30 as planned and I was crying. I was feeling like I was under so much pressure. Pressure from myself, obviously, but everyone else too. Pooja was waiting for me to call saying I'd done the enema and was in labour, my parents were waiting for a call to start heading here from London, friends on various bulletin boards were waiting for word, Melissa had taken the day off work and arranged a series of different women to babysit her children while she laboured with me; and now my one shot at starting labour was gone. Melissa, ever the awesome friend, drove me to McDonalds for breakfast and then the pharmacy where we bought not one, but 2 more enemas. Great.

The second time around was a bit more successful than the first (especially since it was a double shot of pleasure :S) but there were still no contractions. By now it was nearing 11AM so Melissa and I left the boys with Craig and went for a long, brisk walk. My legs were shaking when we got home because they were so fatigued but I was getting contractions! Nothing I could really time or that had any predictability but we called Pooja on the way home and told her to head this way to get the real show on the road.

Janessa, the back-up midwife, arrived first and listened to the baby. I told her I was getting a few contractions and filled her in on what Pooja and I had planned for that day as far as breaking my water but admitted that I certainly wasn't in active labour. When Pooja arrived it was close to 1PM. She checked my dilation (5cm) and tried her very best to break my water with no success. She said she needed a contraction to make the water bulge so she could prick it with her little crochet hook (if you've never seen what is used to break a woman's water, it seriously looks like a crochet hook). I had been getting quite a few contractions while walking and then from climbing the stairs once we got home so off I went to see what I could do. Every 15 minutes Pooja would come and listen to baby and ask how I was doing, how the contractions were feeling, etc. After about 30 minutes I headed back upstairs and Pooja checked me again. This time I was 6cm and she was able to successfully break my water. She checked my dilation again and I had shot straight up to 8cm. All without any 'real' contractions, they were there, yes, but not one had really been all that uncomfortable. I was really hoping having the amniotic fluid pass over my cervix would shoot me into active labour and baby would be born before Shaun came home from school at 3:10.

Back to walking I went, with fancy mesh underwear and green absorbent pads to catch all the drips. Boy, were there drips. I completely feel for any woman whose water has broken before she was in active labour. It was a miserable feeling having a warm gush every time I moved or coughed. The contractions continued their irregularity, varying from 30 seconds long to a whole minute. Pooja and Janessa were getting excited at the longer contractions because it meant, hopefully, some more dilation. I was able to take a cool shower to clean off. That amniotic fluid, while organic, sure is gross.

Shaun returned home from school and was disappointed there was no baby but was more concerned with me walking around in my mesh underwear. I reassured Shaun that everything was well, promised him baby was coming TODAY, and he went back downstairs where Craig kept him entertained. I was straddling the toilet in an attempt to get baby to move position since the theory at this point was that baby may have his head turned a little not-so-perfectly. Pooja continued to check baby's heartbeat every 15 minutes and around 3:30 I asked to have my dilation checked. Still 8cm. Still nothing serious in the way of contractions.

By now I'm starting to feel concerned that my contractions aren't increasing in duration or strength at all. In fact, they almost seemed to be spreading apart in their frequency. I asked Pooja what would happen if I never actually entered active labour now that my water was broken. She said that usually it's recommended to head to hospital once 4 hours passes post membrane rupture if nothing seems to be happening but assured me the desision was up to me. I was really tired of all the walking and stair climbing and the lack of progress was disappointing. I talked with Craig and discussed our options with the midwives.

Craig and I agreed that it wasn't a good idea to stay at home waiting for something that could potentially not happen and end up with a baby in distress and an exhausted mother when it came time for pushing. Craig called his Dad who said he could come be with the boys around 4:30 and we started to make arrangements to head to the hospital. The thought behind our hospital visit was to hopefully get labour going simply from the movement in the van (sometimes the jostling helps baby move into a better position) and, worst case scenario get hooked up to a Pitocin drip for a short time. With me already at 8cm we knew the drip would be for a very short amount of time.

In the meantime, Janessa shared an inspiring birth story with me. One of her mothers was on her third baby, well dilated, they broke her water and same as me, she never got contractions. She walked and walked and walked only to tire herself out. In a last ditch effort to get things going, she hopped in the tub and the relaxation alone was enough to start her contracting and dilating. She was able to have a homebirth shortly after that.

I figured the tub wasn't a bad idea. It actually worked a little, and I was getting some pretty good contractions in there. I was shifting from one side to the other and trying to continue moving when a contraction would subside. But I was uncomfortable and felt like a whale in our tiny tub so I got out around 4:30 and asked Pooja to check me again. Still 8cm.

Discouraged and ready to get this whole thing over with I asked Craig to call my parents and find out how close they were to arriving. He had called an hour earlier and they weren't home. When Craig tried their cell phone they said they were about 20 minutes away so he called his parents and told them not to come and that we'd just wait for my parents to arrive. In the meantime, I realized I didn't have a bag packed for the hospital so Melissa and Craig worked together and packed a few things for me and baby.

The movement from getting out of the tub was bringing a few good contractions, and they were timeable: around every 10 minutes was a strong one with 1, sometimes 2 weak ones in between. I still had to concentrate through the weak ones but they weren't so terrible that I had to have silence. Pooja asked again if I wanted to go to the hospital. I didn't want any self-doubt on staying home when inevitibly the contractions petered out so I said we were going. Pooja arranged for Melissa and I to leave right away in Melissa's van since she had to head home to see her boys eventually, Craig would follow in our van and then Pooja in her car. Janessa was officially off duty. I felt terrible that she wasted her afternoon in the rocking chair waiting for my contractions to get going. I guess Pooja didn't trust my analysis of my contractions given my history and better safe than sorry, but I still felt bad.

I chatted quickly with my parents in between 2 strong contractions and we were out the door at 5:15. Rush hour traffic on the way to the hospital was brutal. It was one red light after another and the stop and go while having contractions was torture. Melissa and I joked in between that now was the time get stopped by a cop. We've always wanted to tell a cop, "I'm in labour! Bring us to the hospital!" About halfway there I was really beginning to question my decision to head to the hospital. I was getting strong contractions and they were about every 5 minutes apart, sometimes closer together.

Thankfully there were spaces right at the front of the hospital for short-term parking so Melissa parked there, we paused outside while I hung on a railing and breathed through a contraction and then went straight up the elevator to Labour and Delivery. I had another contraction in the elevator but there was another girl in there with us and I didn't want to be all dramatic so I just closed my eyes and wished it away. I was still expecting to be hooked up to Pitocin once we got to the room. How little I knew...

The hospital was expecting us, Pooja was waiting in the room already (how she beat us there when we left before her still puzzles me because we followed the same route!) and I walked right in and yanked my pants off. There was another midwife at the hospital who was already attending a birth who has a knack for turning babies that are in poor position and I was anxious for her to get her paws in there and get things going. I seriously kept expecting the contractions to stop any moment, like all this was a cruel joke.

Sky got her gloves on and waited for me to be ready... I never was. The contractions were on top of one another and I wasn't about to let her dig around while I was contracting so frequently. Sky chuckled with Pooja that it looked like she wasn't needed and left. Melissa left to move her van to a permanent parking space in the parking garage and Craig still hadn't arrived. I could sense Pooja was anxious because she was asking people if there was a guy looking for his wife and to send him to room 15.

I leaned on the side of the bed for half an hour or so and then shortly after 6PM I started feeling pressure during contractions. I knew I didn't have to poo, I'd already cleaned all that out earlier in the day, but I wasn't supposed to be in labour. Labour was stalled, remember? I layed down on my left side on the bed anyway because my legs were feeling like they were going to give out on me.

I thought back to my Natural Childbirth book I'd been reading and focused on what I knew the contractions were doing to my body. I imagined my baby moving down lower and lower and my cervix slowly dilating and stretching and thinning. I knew for all this to happen that I had to intensely relax. So I told myself that, over and over. "I just have to relax."

No sooner did I say that, my body took over and I pushed. Well, crap I thought, I think I just poo'd. There isn't supposed to be anything left! That's what the enema's for. Well, it wasn't poo. It was Kyle's head! I shouted to everyone, "HE'S COMING!!" and his head was born into my lovely mesh underwear. Melissa and Craig shot off the couch where they'd been quietly chatting together and all of a sudden Pooja's yanking on my underwear telling me not to push. I was thinking to myself, I didn't push! He just came out all by himself!!

Once Pooja got that sexy mesh underwear off she guided me through my only real push, which I didn't even really push for, it was more just my body taking over, and Kyle was born at 6:18PM. The lights in the room were dim just like I'd wanted them to be at home, and Craig and Melissa were happily recording and flashing the cameras from the end of the bed, just like I wanted if we were at home.

Nicole, who was the assistant midwife at the birth couldn't believe I'd just told myself to relax as I was pushing Kyle's head into my underwear. Pooja called me a superstar and reminded me that this must be how I labour: it's all saved for the last centimeter of dilation.

I escaped without any tears not even so much as a single hemorhoid. And for those of you who've had post-partum hemorhoids, they're pretty much as bad as pushing baby out without the happy ending. Pooja put me in the tub after about half an hour; once I'd delivered the placenta and had a chance to get to know Kyle a little. It was very strange walking to the tub being so much lighter than when I'd flopped on the bed an hour before. I was itching to head home at 7 o'clock but Pooja wanted me to pee before leaving, just to make sure my bladder wasn't traumatized from the ultra-fast birth. I chugged a huge cup of water and Pooja brought me some crackers and cheese and an oatmeal cookie. Once I finally was able to pee out a trickle at 8PM she gave me the all clear. Melissa had already left to relieve her babysitter, Craig went to grab the van (I'm ticked that we paid for a whole day of parking and only used it for 2 hours), Pooja fetched a wheelchair for me and we were off. She gave me a big hug outside before I climbed in the front seat of the van and reminded me she'd be visiting the house in the morning to check on me and Kyle.

I don't want to be definitive, but I think we're done having kids. I'm blessed to be able to get pregnant relatively easily, carry my babies to full-term (and post-term!), have very easy labours and even easier deliveries, but I also don't want to tax my body too much. This pregnancy was difficult on me at the end and it was hard trying to do the Mummy things I love to do with my boys while still listening to my body that I was overdoing things.

There comes a time when one has to start planning things for the future with a more set timeline than 'when the kids are bigger'. We want to do the whole Disney thing and stuff like that needs a date or you'll always keep putting it off.

*For now*, Disney will be experienced by the 5 of us when Kyle's 3.

He's HERE!

I know! Old news! I've been busy...

When I get a chance and 2 hands for typing, I promise I'll post the whole birth story. For now you can gnaw on this: Kyle Lewis Martin, born January 6, weighing 8lbs, 7oz.

Amene

The plan for tomorrow stands as this: First thing in the morning my poor body gets to wake up with the glory of an enema, performed by yours truly. Hopefully that will start some contractions that have some form of regularity and once I get through 30 minutes to an hour of contractions, we call Pooja who will come to the house and break my water. She doesn't think there's any reason why I won't go into labour after all that and the only unpleasant thing about all this is that I'll have about 15 minutes of lovely bowel movements to deal with. I can handle that... I hope!

I asked why she simply can't break my water and I guess in this region it's been agreed upon between the OBs and the midwives that breaking a woman's membranes without the woman already contracting is actually inducing labour and inductions are only performed by the OBs. This is a way for midwives to allow a woman a labour and birth that is as intervention-free as possible and allowing them to stay at home as long as possible too. I think it's a brilliant compromise because if the enema doesn't work I just wait until the weekend when I'll be admitted to hospital anyway and have my water broken by an actual OB. If it works, I get my homebirth and Pooja delivers. Everyone wins.

Yeah, so if the enema doesn't work tomorrow at least I'll be cleaned out for labour. I have an ultrasound including biophysical profile and non-stress test on Thursday morning. If that's all clear and baby is still doing well, I have a consult with the doctor-on-call at the hospital on Satuday to discuss her breaking my water. If the u/s and BPP aren't favourable, I'll be heading in to the hospital on Thursday to have my membranes ruptured. At 4cm there's no reason why an AROM shouldn't put me into labour but everyone's sort of been shaking their heads up to now over why I haven't dropped this kid out yet. Nothing surprises me anymore.

I'll update in the morning. Hopefully it'll be with news that I'm completely cleaned out and in active labour. Too bad I don't have a laptop so I could live-blog from the crapper!

An End in Sight

We're still here waiting but at least now there a couple ends in sight: one definite but certainly not preferable, the other much more appealing but not as definite.

Option 1: Wednesday morning Pooja comes to the house (I believe it'll be the house but that'll be confirmed at my appointment tomorrow morning I suppose), gives me an enema - ewwwww! - and hopefully that gets a few contractions going. Once I get a few contractions she'll break my water and we'll go from there. Advantage: I get my natural induction, plus my homebirth. Disadvantage: Possibility of it not working and I end up being induced anyway, plus the sheer pleasure of an enema.

Any experience out there with enemas? I know they were standard procedure in the stone age when I was born but I've never known anyone to get one other than my brother who ate a whole box of Smarties as a toddler and was bunged up for days and ended up getting an enema at the hospital.

Option 2: I get admitted to hospital sometime on the weekend for an actual induction using Pitocin. Advantage: it is a definite end - we'll have a baby by next weekend. Disadvantage: no homebirth, artificial induction, attended by an OB (Pooja can't deliver, no friends at birth only Craig).

Obviously I'm going to go for the first scenario primarily because I feel like it'll give me a better chance at having firstly a homebirth, but also because I've been on both sides on the labour coin having gone into labour on my own once and having been induced once. I know the difference and going into labour on my own is WAYYYYY easier than being induced with medicine. I'm sure I'll have more details tomorrow after my appointment with Pooja. I already have a list of questions and concerns to bring with me.

Irritation

I don't really feel like I am justified for feeling like this but I'm feeling it nonetheless.

Craig just left for his parents' house to watch the Winter Classic hockey game with his Dad. Both men are to-the-death Boston Bruin fans and the game is in Boston at Fenway Park between Boston and Philly. They've been talking about spending the afternoon together to watch the game for weeks. Craig has so many memories of staying up late as a little kid watching games with his Dad. I love that they're able to share something like hockey together.

But not today. I'm alone with the boys for the afternoon with absolutely nothing to do because everything's closed. I was really hoping we'd be able to take the boys to a free skate sponsored by Tim Horton's until Craig reminded me of the game. So now not only am I waiting to go into labour, I'm waiting for Craig to get home. In some ways I think he should be sitting here with me, suffering alongside me while we hurry up and wait together. I'm just irritated at everything today. It hasn't been taking much to put me into a tizzy so maybe it's better he's not here.

I suddenly realized last night at midnight that it's been 8 years since we became a couple. Yes, he asked me to be his girlfriend in a drunken slur right after midnight 8 years ago. I guess rum does the body good? Boy, a lot has happened in 8 years.

40 Weeks

I did it. I actually made it to a full 40 weeks with my third baby. Like I've said before, I simply cannot believe I actually made it this far, given it's my third baby and all, but also because my body has been SO ready to deliver for, oh, 2 weeks at least. It's beginning to get a little depressing. Every phone call is a reminder that I'm not in labour. Everyone was excited around Christmas time that we'd have a Christmas baby then the talk became about a New Years baby. Well, I'm not in labour so unless things start happening, hmm, pretty much right this very second, I have every doubt in my mind that I'll have this baby in 2009. Which actually really sucks because I was hoping for the $2000 tax break for 2009. That would have at least been an okay consolation prize for going right up to my due date.

Craig's off on vacation now until the middle of January so baby had better get here soon so he doesnt' waste too much time! I start back babysitting 2 weeks from Monday, Shaun's back at school this coming Monday and we start the boys in swimming lessons a week from tomorrow. Life continues to go on, baby or no baby, but I sure wish I could at least put on my socks by myself!

While Craig's been waiting for our third child to make his debut, he's been working on a backyard ice rink. I'll try to make it out tomorrow to get some photos since it's dark right now and the flood light we have in the backyard just doesn't do a good job of lighting the rink because of it's location. Hopefully we'll get some decent use out of the rink while Craig's off!

39 and 4

If you go by the due date the midwife has on file - December 31 - I'm officially 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Never in a million years would I have guessed I'd still be pregnant this far in with no real signs of labour even approaching. I had my last appointment with Pooja this morning, well last meaning the last one before I'm officially overdue, and she genuinely can't figure out how I haven't had this baby yet. I asked for yet another stretch-and-sweep and Pooja sheepishly told me that she couldn't do a stretch because my cervix is already *that* stretchy. I'm sitting around 3-4cm but she could get me to 6. I didn't even feel any tugging or cramping at all when she was digging around. My cervix is 75% effaced and the baby is at -1 station so his head is still floating around a little but he's moved down since last week when he was at -2. My membranes are bulging and I joked with her not to break my water. She said it's happened before during an internal exam (not to her). Even though the membrane is quite strong, mine are receiving a lot of pressure from the baby so they could go at any time. Well, come on already!!

Sadly, we had to have the talk about what we do if I go overdue. I have yet another appointment on Tuesday morning next week if baby still hasn't come and at that point we'll basically book me in to the hospital. If I go into labour on my own before next weekend we can still do the homebirth but if I get to next weekend and still nothing, they'll do an ultrasound and NST and then likely I'll get admitted and they'll break my water. The only reason that would be done in the hospital is because of the higher risk of meconium in overdue babies. I wouldn't be able to have a homebirth if there was meconium and with my body seemingly being so ready for labour, potentially I wouldn't have much of a chance to get to the hospital if my water were to be artificially ruptured here and there was meconium in it. I think I'd feel more comfortable at the hospital given the risks of going overdue. I'd still have a drug-free birth, of course, but with the benefits of a team of doctors for baby.

So, that's the news of the day. I wish it was something more to the effect of: I'M IN LABOUR!!!!!!!

False Alarm

Well, false alarm number one this afternoon. It was around noon when I realized I was getting an awful lot of crampy contractions and by 1:30 they had increased in intensity to the point where I had to stop what I was doing to just let my belly hang and relax and breathe and were also coming around every 7-8 minutes. Craig was getting ready to leave for work for 2:30 and it was getting to the point where I was needing to make the decision whether he was to go or not. I hadn't told him about the contractions because I still wasn't convinced they meant anything. Finally about 10 minutes before it was time for him to leave he asked me what time I'd be calling him home today. I was surprised and asked what made him ask that question. Maybe he'd noticed I'd been having contractions? He said he was just joking so I informed him that indeed I was beginning to think this was IT. We chatted and agreed that he'd head into work anyway since I still wasn't sure. I also promised that if it became real labour that I'd call the midwife first because she's the one who really needs to be here!

My old friend Rachel stopped by with her newborn around 3:30 or so and after about an hour of sitting and chatting I realized I'd only had a couple of contractions. Bummer. Obviously today wasn't The Day and I didn't even get out to do more shopping! Stupid Sunday hours. I'll make sure to continue updating.

I have a mani/pedi scheduled for tomorrow morning: a gift from Melissa, and my last official midwife appointment on Tuesday. I'm hoping the pressure points the gal hits tomorrow morning will help with contractions and then coupled with a midwife appointment and a full moon on New Years Eve (my official due date) maybe, just maybe I won't go overdue!

Baby Update

Unfortunately, there's nothing to update. I'm still pregnant. Thirty-nine weeks tomorrow in fact.

This past Monday I had a quick visit with my midwife who did another internal. She seemed to think I was in early labour that day which I know from experience doesn't mean a thing, but she told me I was an easy 4cm and my cervix was super soft and stretchy. There's been more mucus plug bits over the past couple of days and last night I was getting some pretty good contractions but they petered out after a few hours. The baby is still quite active so I'm not at all worried about how he's coping in there. Obviously he's quite happy! I just need to get through the next 4 days or so and then I'll be more than happy to meet him. We have a couple family things going on over the next 2 days, my parents are taking the boys for a few days starting on Saturday and I'm doing the drop-off while visiting my newest nephew, and I'd love to actually get some serious shopping done on Boxing Day and the following day without any children in tow. To top it all off, my best friend Melissa wants to be at the birth and she's a 2 hour drive away visiting her own parents until likely Sunday morning. Stay inside for 4 more days baby!!

Craig's back to work on Sunday providing there's no baby and I already told him if the baby arrives in the meantime, I'm tempted to keep the boys at my parents' house for a day or 2 longer, have Craig return to work for his short week and then start his 2 weeks of holidays in January. Otherwise he'll have to take time off without pay which wouldn't be tragic but, obviously, I'd rather he use vacation time!

I've been trying my very best to keep up with the housework and the laundry so that I'm not overwhelmed when people want to stop by and meet the newest family member, but also so that the cleaning lady my mum hired for me for after the birth isn't shocked at the disgusting state of the house.

Yeah, how awesome is that? For a baby gift, my parent's will pay for a housecleaner to come bi-weekly for 4 months. I struggled at first with the idea of someone coming in and cleaning MY house but gradually realized I should accept any help that's being offered. Of course I'll still need to vacuum in between visits and do minor spot cleaning but knowing the bathrooms are clean is the biggest concern for me. With Shaun constantly dribbling on the toilet rim and the bathtub being used so frequently for showers and baths, it's difficult to keep everything even presentable all of the time. Maybe having someone come in will give me more time to keep up with the laundry, too. Oh joy!

Six Times Over

I became an aunt again this morning for the sixth time. I don't have any photos yet but Samuel Jambor (no middle name yet) was born this morning to my little brother Steve and his wife Tamrah. He's just a puny little thing at 7 lbs 14 oz (oh, what I would give to have a 7 pound baby!) but Tamrah's quite petite so I can't say I'm all that surprised. Jealous yes, but not surprised. :) Tamrah laboured most of yesterday afternoon and all night with little progress so when her doctor offered her a cesarean section this morning she quickly agreed and Samuel arrived shortly after 8AM. I'm hoping to visit the new family next weekend and will post pictures then. Maybe I'll have news of my own little arrival by then, too!

Ten days to my due date and I've instructed the baby to stay in there for at least another 6 days since Melissa is heading out of town and won't return until Saturday. I can't have my last baby without my best girlfriend by my side.

38ish Weeks

I had another midwife appointment yesterday morning. I asked for an internal check because apparently they don't do them until you're in labour unless you specifically ask for one. So Nicole (my back-up midwife and the gal who did the appointment) was easily able to feel the baby's head and the bag of fluid. She said my cervix is really soft but only 25% effaced so feels quite confident that once baby moves deeper into my pelvis I'll dilate quickly. Yesterday I was 2cm dilated - HORRAY! - and she was able to stretch me to 3cm and stripped my membranes as well. I had some mild cramping all afternoon yesterday that petered off in the evening and some brown spotting all day, too. So far, no labour though, which I'm kind of happy about because I'd rather not have a baby before Christmas. I mean, whatever, I can't control when he comes, but life is easier with baby #3 still baking inside. Can I change my due date to April?

36 Weeks

I'm a couple of days late in posting this but I figured it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Shaun nabbed the camera and caught a whole bunch of pictures of himself being goofy and various things in the house, including his 36 week pregnant Mum. Here's the view from Shaun's eyes. Poor guy. :S

Anonymous

Sorry to y'all but there's been some Anonymous spam comments posted of late so I've had to change the comment format. No longer are Anonymous users allowed to comment and you'll have to type in that security doo-hickey to get your comment accepted. Who wants to hear about how to make $2000 a month with only $20 starting capital? Not me! I wonder how many people actually bite and follow those links?

Brotherly Love

Ian loves Shaun. It's so incredible to watch their relationship grow and develop more every day. Everything that Shaun does, Ian wants to do, too. Even if it means Ian needs help to do it, like sitting on the couch to read a book, or load and fire the Nerf. Shaun, for the most part, obliges and in fact really seems to enjoy having his little brother tagging along and being glued to his every word. Sometimes it turns into Shaun yelling that Ian won't leave him alone but most of the time they play very nicely together and Shaun helps Ian as much as he can. It'll be a lot of fun watching how the dynamic of our family changes with a third child in the mix.

Already I'm wondering how we're going to manage in a restaurant with 3 children who all need help cutting their food at the same time or how I'll get everyone dressed and out the door in time for a doctor's appointment. It's going to be an insane winter!